Buy the Boots

It is the fourth Sunday of Advent. We light the candle of Love.

I have always loved O Henry's short story, The Gift of the Magi.

No one is surprised. You know me as a hopeless romantic.

If you are not familiar with the story, it's about a young couple who have meager resources. She cuts her hair and sells it so that she can buy him a watch chain. He sells his watch to buy her a beautiful comb for the long locks that are now gone.

The idea is that when we love someone, we give of ourselves - because we love them and want what's best for them.

Fortunately, I have never had to sell something to buy a gift for a loved one. I have had to think and pray a long time about what to give. And I have more than once been on the receiving end of some incredibly special gifts and Christmas experiences.

I still have the Christmas skater that my parents sent me in 1971 when Becca was a newborn.

I still wear the cross necklace that Rich Suhey gave me in 1996.  

And I still enjoy the black cape that was a special gift from my parents in 2006.

"You do a lot for us - and for others", my daddy said. "So, I want you to buy yourself something special".

That's when capes were very popular. I told him that's what I wanted, and I thought they were very expensive.

That didn't matter.

So, I went to TJ Maxx. I expected to spend $100 or more.

My cape cost $29.

And then there are my boots.

I shopped Amazon and found some black dress boots. They cost more than I wanted to spend. In conversation, I shared that with my friend.

When I opened my Christmas card, there were a couple of "bills" - and three words:

Buy the boots

I don't think that gift required a huge sacrifice. Nor did my cape, the cross necklace or even the little snow girl.

The important thing is that they are all gifts of love.

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son. . .”.

                                                    May you have enough sunshine in your life

                                                         To make you appreciate the shadows

 

The blocks spelled...

Talk about JOY 

Tray is my  "love to do something unique when it comes to giving a gift" child.  His sisters give great gifts...but he has to do something just a tad different.  When he was 8, he raked leaves and saved his allowance to buy me a used waffle iron.  When he was 20, he bought and set up a train - something I had wanted when he was growing up and never felt I could afford. 

As I said - he is the giver of great gifts.

He and his sweet wife, Kristen lived in Virginia.  They were home for Christmas.  The Huffingham family was gathered at my brother, Lester's home.  All the presents had been exchanged when Tray said there was one more gift. He handed my mother, my sister, his sister, and me small bags.  A child's alphabet block was included in each bag.

 Talk about JOY.    

That was 21 years ago.  That grandchild - plus her 6 cousins continues to bring this grandma much joy.

As I enjoyed the Live Nativity at the Episcopal Church of Our Saviour, I was thrilled to see the portrayal of Joseph and Mary -- two children who are now teenagers - Matt Scaggs and Annabelle Lunsford -- I couldn't believe they have grown up.  I see them acolyte now and a couple of Sundays ago Annabelle was the first Crucifer (she carried the cross at the beginning of the procession).     It seems just yesterday when they were babies - and as it happens, they are two of my favorites.

And I listened to their words - I thought of the fact that usually when there is going to be a baby there is much JOY.

I thought of Joseph's words - and reactions - and how he accepted that huge responsibility.

I thought of the scriptures about Mary - her serenity - and the fact that the Bible says she pondered those things in her heart - meaning when the shepherds came and praised God for this Birth - Mary was quiet --  I've always said I can never be quiet about something that means a lot to me

I've never been quiet about the gifts Tray gave me.  In fact, I am never quiet about any of my children or grandchildren

You might say they bring me great joy! 

                                                     May you have enough sunshine in your life

                                                         To make you appreciate the shadows

Peace???

 I was preparing.

That's what Advent is about - right???

Four days ahead of the second Sunday in Advent, I asked my friend, Sue, for the readings.

I opened the Scripture and read from Isaiah 40 which begins with "Comfort! Comfort ye my people".    

Comfort???

What does that have to do with JOY?

So I wrote a blog - without the use of that Scripture.

And then in the early hours of the Second Sunday of Advent, I prepared to finalize that blog - and post it.

. . . but first I changed my home page on Facebook and found

The Second Candle of Advent is Peace.

The blog I had written is about JOY

I can tell you that for about 20 minutes, I had no peace.  I was in a major flit as I went through my morning routine - NY Times Wordle; NY Times Mini Crossword; NY Times Connection and then the daily devotional that comes into my Email account each day.

And there it was: "Casting all your care upon Him for he careth for you". (I Peter 5:7)  And wouldn't you know it -  the accompanying music:

That has long been my favorite hymn. 

Then I went to church and participated in the prayer of confession: the words - make us ready to extend peace... jumped off the page.

There have been many times in my more than 7 decades that I did not have peace.  I have been disappointed in someone or a situation.  And yet the God of Grace has either provided the opportunity for me to find a way to reconcile or given me the peace to be able to move on.

I especially remember that confusing first Christmas when my children and I were in the early days of being a single family.  I was 35 years old - and working full time for the first time since before my first child was born.  I had been a pastor's wife for more than 15 years.  I was thankfully always going to be a mom.  I believed that with the help of my family, we would be okay.  What I didn't know was how I might find my way in a church?

I had felt that God "called" me to be a minister's wife.  I was angry that that role had been stolen from me.  I was disappointed - so disappointed.  I was angry.  That was 41 Christmases ago.  

And somehow through lots of counsel, prayer, and finding ways to give thanks I was able to reconcile with the thief -- and more than that find peace.

My life is calm right now - family is good; friendships are outstanding; finances comfortable.  However to be honest, sometimes that ugly head of disappointment and anger creeps up again.  When that happens, I make an effort to replace the negative with positive - recognizing that indeed God has a plan much better for me. 

And that's my take on peace = this Second Sunday of Advent 2023.

                                                    May you have enough sunshine in your life

                                                         To make you appreciate the shadows

 .

 .

"Wishin and Hopin"

  "... faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. "

(Hebrews 11:1)

I think I'm a positive person -- but full discovery here. I am a worrying person.

It's not that I don't think it's going to work out.  It's just that I am impatient when waiting.

I think that's where hope and faith come in.

Today we lit the candle of hope - and yet - faith has to be there as well.

Hope - we hoped the Annual Winter Celebration that is sponsored by the Mandarin Museum & Historical Society would be a success

Hoping is different from knowing and both require faith.

Almost 60 years ago a teenage "idol" whose name is Dusty Springfield belted out these words:

"wishin' and hopin' and dreamin' and prayin' 

that all my dreams come true."

Sometimes we have to put some feet to our wishes, hopes, dreams and yes - even prayers.

And by saying that do I mean I don't believe in Faith?

My friends, Mamie, Macie Jane, and Nora are hopeful that they will be in their remodeled home by Christmas.  Andy, the daddy in that family, is doubtful.

I rather sarcastically asked him "where's your faith?",  knowing that lots of work was going to be needed for the women in his life to have their hopes become reality.

When we light the candle of hope - we already know that the hope of the world

"is born this day in the city of David" just as the prophet Isaiah had said.

Andy will have to put in lots of hours of work (with the help of others, for sure) for their family to spend Christmas Eve in that home.

That's the difference in hope and faith and it calls for Grace...Something I hope Andy's family will give him if their dreams and wishes don't come true.

PS Winter Celebration was a great success!  Connie, Wanda, and Santa (whose real name I cannot divulge) were a part of that!!! As were our 50 plus volunteers!!!

 May you have enough sunshine in your life

To make you appreciate the shadows

Turkey 'toup, spinach and pumpkin

 I suppose most of us have a Thanksgiving memory that includes a favorite food.

My friend, Sarah, was surprised to have heard macaroni and cheese from a friend.  Her favorite, she said, was cranberry sauce.  And her mother piped in with her least favorite - green bean casserole.

Our daddy had definite ideas when it came to food. Once when my brothers were small - I think Lester was four - we were visiting friends in South Carolina and after a lovely meal - when we were all in the room our parents shared - I guess for an afternoon nap - mother told daddy that we were having turkey soup for supper.

Daddy was not impressed.  And Lester heard his response.

And so it was that when it was time for the blessing and Lester was invited to pray - he thanked the Lord for the turkey 'toup.

Sometimes I am not as kind as I should be when I share memories of my life with Ray Parker.  I do have some good ones.  He was a great "preacher".  I remember some very good sermons.

He often used this analogy when talking about accepting things we didn't like when we know God has a purpose.

He loved chocolate cake - especially when his mother made one.  He would describe in detail the taste and texture - and the way it looked on the plate.  But then he would say that before he could enjoy the cake his mother insisted that he eat what was good for him and that often-included spinach.

Yuk!

And then there's the pumpkin. Since late summer we have been "bombarded" with all the ways to enjoy pumpkin

What a great marketing ploy.

Which is not to say that I don’t enjoy pumpkin – especially the pumpkin bread that is made each year by my neighbor, Marie, and my daughter-in-law, Kristen

Whether it is what we eat, what we experience, or even what we BUY

The important think about this day: 

   For family, friends, and faith -not necessarily in that order.

 May you have enough sunshine in your life

To make you appreciate the shadows

Sunshine and Shadows

                                                          May you have enough sunshine in your life

To make you appreciate the shadows

It's in my DNA

"everything's gonna be all right," was Earl Huffingham's mantra.

 "All things work together for good," was Iva Lou's.

When Cindy and I were little girls, we heard "Que, Serra, Serra”, so often that we still believe "what will be will be."

That's probably why I am often called a Pollyanna.

I was a sophomore in college and was enjoying my first Creative Writing Class. I was also the starry-eyed fiancé of Ray Parker.  The assignment was to describe how to cook an egg.  In addition to the steps, I also included the fact that I would serve what I had prepared to my golden drop of sun *

Hum -- sunshine - and then many years of shadow.

And sunshine once more through the three children that Ray and I share.

For 15 years those bundles of joy, and I were a single family of four. By1998, Becca and Renee had married, and Tray was engaged to be married the next year.

And once more sunshine! 

I married Rich Suhey. 

We had great plans - buying a house (in Mandarin), working at Vistakon, enjoying our boat.  And I was going to finish college.

And we had plans to fly to San Francisco on this day, November 20, 1998.  My parents were taking us to the airport.

They did go to JIA that day but Rich and I were not with them. They met a plane from New York.  Rich's brother Bob and his wife, Carol, had come - to Rich's funeral. 

That night - amidst the shadows - was sunshine - as many friends and loved ones came to share that love and respect for Rich (and for me).

That was 25 years ago today.

Shadows - yes -- but Sunshine. I finished college, bought a home in Mandarin, invited my parents to live with me, and cared for them until they died. I have had the opportunity to be gainfully employed in interesting and fulfilling ways.  I have many friends - including one who is the sunshine of my life.

And those three children have given me more sunshine through the 7 children that call me grandma.

A Pollyanna??? Maybe.

But for sure the result of two parents who loved their children and taught them to love God and each other and to always remember -- a shadow is the result of sunshine!

I am thankful!!!

*CLUE:  Think The Sound of Music

Giving Back

 There's a new book on my shelf.  It was a gift from my good friend, Paul Halter. 

Actually, there are two new books. One is No Regrets and one is The Fourth Quarter.

You had me at the title.

I spend a fair amount of time remembering and reflecting on life,  And I love analogies - especially sports analogies.  In a recent Sunshine and Shadows, I admitted the fact that I am in the fourth quarter of life.

I was amused when my friend, Julia, who is a few years my senior said she's in overtime.

Something I am learning from the book - how to appreciate, enjoy, and continue to make a difference when one is in the home stretch of life on earth

Give back

Hum.  I like that word

Of course, I like that word.  My children were born in Tennessee, one daughter lives in Tennessee, there are UT banners in another daughter's home

Everyone knows however that we are Gators!

But I do like the concept.

And I have been a volunteer - at Memorial Hospital; Hospice, and many non-profit organizations and churches, my entire adult life.

It would seem that my fourth quarter centers on the word volunteer - because now I endeavor to bring volunteers to be a part of telling the story of Mandarin,  I was already in my fourth quarter more than eight years ago when I was hired as the Volunteer Coordinator at th Mandarin Museum & Historical Society.

I love my work and I am always looking for volunteers

That's why I am looking forward to this Saturday    All are welcome.  Fourth Quarter or not!

Volunteer Interest Meeting Saturday, October 14th 10:00 am to 11:30 am Mandarin Museum will host a Volunteer Interest Meeting on Saturday, October 14th at 10:00 a.m. The Museum offers many regular volunteer opportunities including positions at museum guest services, as a docent, and at special events. It’s the perfect place for retirees looking to make new friends while giving back to their community! Attendees will receive a guided tour of the museum (including behind-the-scenes) and learn more about the volunteer program and its benefits. Please email Brittany at director@mandarinmuseum.org to RSVP or Paula - info@mandarinmuseum.org or for more information.

Community

There were ten of us

We stood together in Greenlawn Cemetery - friends for more than 70 years. Actually, there were 11 of us.

Me, Bonnie, David, Linda, Warren, Noel, Becky, Margaret, Mitch and Timmy,

The order might be incorrect, but I did not miscount.

We were there to support her children and grandchildren as they celebrated and remembered the life of Carolyn Sue Sellers Ward -  She would be the 11th.

We listened as the minister and her children told of her faith, the love for her family and friends, and the joy she got from being a volunteer at Memorial Hospital.  We remembered when she lost her dad when she had barely graduated from High School - and her marriage to Chuck - the birth of "Chuckie" and Amy Beth and then the loss of Chuck - and then her sweet mother. Laura,  whom we all loved.

 There are a few more friends (and if I start naming them I'll surely leave someone out) who share a special sense of community.

Our parents had been childhood friends and some of us are related.  We grew up in a five-mile radius. We went to Hogan Spring Glen, Southside Junior, and Englewood High School and this is where we could be found on Sundays.  I think it was the central place of our lives.

The minister spoke of the fact that Sue had trusted in Christ and I don't know for sure but I'd guess it was when she was growing up - with the rest of us - at Glendale.

The years have taken a toll on us - of course - more weight; unsteady gait, hair that's either gone or silver.  While we were in that cemetery most of us were within walking distance of the final resting place of our parents and grandparents.                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Our memories include Know Your Bible Club, Sunday School picnics at Goldhead State Park, and the wonderful parties that Uncle Brac Newton's Sunday School Class (The Truth Seekers) had.

I remembered some of those times as I stood with my childhood friends - to remember and honor one of our own -  

And I'm pretty sure that all of us are grateful for the love and joy that we remember growing up at Glendale - with our sweet and pretty redhead Sue and each other!

  May you have enough sunshine in your life

To make you appreciate the shadows

"no, I am not unwell"...but

 If I have a mantra - 

My children were sitting at my dining room table.  

We had listened to stories - laughed - remembered.

It was a good morning.

And then I left the table - to return with a small metal box and a key.

The night before I had said almost flippantly - I have no funeral plans.

One child - the one who usually has a plan - remarked - don't you think that would be a good idea?

So my plan was to tell them - where the box and the key are - and what I think they need to know.

When I had "said enough" (I know I rarely have "said enough");

My son looked at me and said,

"Mom, is there something else you need to tell us?"  Those words still make me smile,

"I'm healthy - I have a wonderful life - everything is good", I replied.

I do however believe in being prepared and I want them to be as prepared as possible.

So the box includes the information they need - in the event that I should not be well (where do you think the child who plans got that tendency-and truth be told, they are all three planners - in different ways)   

I'm not "leaving my children" very much.  Notebooks filled with my words, some things that have been in our family for many years (a Huffingham frame and the oak dresser and mirror that was grandma and granddaddy Nesmith's first purchase when they married in 1921 and a  dropleaf table that our parents purchased when Cindy and I were little girls).  And certainly not a lot of money.

However...Here's what I hope I am leaving them with.  I'd like them to feel the way someone remarked when David McCullum died this week - 

He made every moment count

At least that is my prayer.

  May you have enough sunshine in your life

To make you appreciate the shadows

The morning after

As the time for our dad's passing was drawing close, many of our friends and family members believed that our mother would follow him to Heaven - QUICKLY.  In their 67 years of marriage, she had cared for him, honored him, encouraged him - and he had done the same for her.  Some might have imagined that she would not want to live without him.

She really wasn't sure about how it was going to be.  She had told me a few weeks prior that she intended to depend on me, her sister, Carolyn, and daddy's sister, Gloria, to help her adjust to this new life as a widow.  At that time, I had been a widow for 11 years; Aunt Carolyn for four and Aunt Gloria for two.  I remember I thought I'm going to be adjusting to life without my daddy - and I'm not sure I wanted to be helping her adjust to the role of a widow.

I'm going to add a caveat here -- It took my mother moving to Texas four years after daddy passed before I had the freedom to grieve the loss of my dad.  However, this is about Iva Lou - not me.

Last week as I was going through some of mother's journals, I found what she wrote the day after daddy died. 

Now I know that's not legible to you so here's what it says:

"Iva has a dream of sharing life with her neighbors, of spending time with the family; of a Bible study; of experiencing all that my church has to offer; of living in giving thanks in my new period of adjustment without my Earl.  I surrendered him to God in 1954, and he listened and that's how we became a part of the Gideon ministry". 

A few days later she wrote that she had been blessed by the warmth of the spirit - and was endeavoring to practice I Thessalonians 5:18

My siblings, our children and I heard that verse again and again - and we knew that our mother practiced it.

About three weeks after daddy died, I came home to find Rev. Kevin Pound and his wife, Patty, in my living room.  My mother had called him to come and bless her wedding ring - which she moved to her right hand.

Rather than depend on me, Aunt Carolyn or Aunt Gloria, mother intended to serve God in her widowhood.

She basically did that for the next 10 years.  It was only when the Pandemic stole her opportunity to socialize and thus share the faith that sustained her that she became quiet.

I have her journals and I also have her ring.  While I don't wear it all the time, when I do, I appreciate the fact that it was important to our mother to let others know – she believed that the Lord wanted her to serve Him – and that’s what she did best - to become the woman that God wanted her to be. 

And as I peruse all those journals I can say - that her words (and the faith that she practiced) are helping me - to become the woman that God wants me to be.  That would make her happy!!!

  May you have enough sunshine in your life

To make you appreciate the shadows

My mother's words

 "I cried out for my mother".

I was enjoying breakfast with my friend, Virginia.  We always share what's happening in our lives - the good, the bad and yes - sometimes - the ugly,  

She was about to undergo a medical procedure and the prep was making her ill.

"It's been more than 10 years since I could talk with my mother", she said, "and yet when I was sick, it was just as if I were a little girl and knew my mother could make it better."

That was Virginia's response as I said "I wish I could talk with my mother - She would be able to help me sort this out." (Now let me hasten to say - nothing is horribly wrong in my life.   It is a time of adjustment.)

We knew that neither of us could talk with our mother that day.  We parted with hugs and I love you's and the day continued.  A project loomed ahead of me.  

It involved my mother's journals.

Of course, as I rearranged those books I stopped and read some of her entries.

And what kept jumping off the pages???

"Paula took me; Paula cooked supper; Paula and I had a discussion"

Oh my, we did have some discussions.  Mother would get so "put out with me" when I didn't think what she wanted to do was such a great idea. - one day she tried walking to Mandarin Presbyterian Church from Paddle Boat Lane.  She made it to Hardage Funeral Home and fortunately, our friend, David, was there and he drove her back home.  Another day she rearranged the outdoor plants that were hung from limbs and positioned between the azalea bushes.  That day she said, "I knew you wouldn't like it but I did it anyway."

Now I see her as really wanting to be independent.  Then I saw her as stubborn.

But back to my name - and the fact that I had been feeling the need to talk with her.

Here's something my mother wrote:

"Lord, please help Paula relax and know that everything is going to be all right. Give her some suggestions as to how to deal with the situations that she sees as obstacles."  

Hum.

My mother's words - exactly what I needed.

Thanks be to God.

   May you have enough sunshine in your life

To make you appreciate the shadows

You need to RELAX

This past weekend was the annual Florida District of Kiwanis International  Convention.

It was my fourth such convention and as it happened it became a time of relaxation and reflection and even remembering for me. I had no responsibilities - I didn't even have to drive to Orlando.  The first thing I did after my trip to the Credentials Table was to grab some juice and a banana and walk into this lovely setting

I took a deep breath and realized "This is what my friends have told me I needed".  This is relaxation.

My time with my friends from the Kiwanis Club of Deercreek was pleasant, filled with laughter and appreciation of the fact that we are Kiwanians because we believe that caring for the children of our world and our community is important.  Someone even told me that my involvement in Kiwanis is one of the ways I "minister".

Of course, there were all sorts of Kiwanis shirts, and one that I saw repeatedly was "Kiwanis Kid". These were not K Kid shirts, but I believe were shirts that were worn by children of Kiwanians.  Our club sponsors three Key Clubs, so we had shirts made to indicate that.  And here is the family of our upcoming  Lt. Governor, Will Hanzel - wearing their shirts. 

Those Kiwanis Kid shirts and Cora and Haley and their mother, Samantha Hanzel in theirs made me think of the opportunities that my sister, Cindy, and I had as children.  Our parents' service organization was Gideons International' We were privileged to attend International Conventions - and went to places like Los Angeles; Chicago, Denver, Pittsburg -- and many others.  We made friends with other children of Gideons (especially Rick and Kathy Darrow in North Augusta, South Carolina who remain our friends today).

In addition to enjoying trips, we often went to different churches to hear our dad tell stories of Gideon Bibles being placed in hotels, schools, and to military personnel, and our mother often spoke about sharing Nurse's New Testaments. 

Our mother was an international officer for six years.  Both of our brothers were born during that time.  Mother stayed involved and we raised our brothers -- 'nuff said about that.

So now I'm home.  Refreshed and ready to face whatever challenges are ahead - filling volunteer slots at the Mandarin Museum and enjoying my Kiwanis Club of Deercreek responsibilities -as the liaison at the Christ Church Academy Key Club.

And other than relaxation and rest did I get anything out of the convention?  One of the things we enjoyed was our conversation at mealtime. 

We all agreed with the fact that we are in Kiwanis because of the opportunities to serve the children and communities of our world and for the fun we share as a group - It's like the CKI Motto says:

"Come for the Service; Stay for the Fellowship".

     May you have enough sunshine in your life

To make you appreciate the shadows

PS CKI is the inclusive umbrella that includes the many Kiwanis organizations from Aktion Clubs to Grey K (which we think we should start).

 

Missing Iva Lou

"Don't even think about it, Mom".

I was lamenting the fact that I will never make my yard look the way my mother did. This photo is from the summer of 2013.

"I don't mean to make you feel bad", my son continued.

"Grandma could grow tomatoes in the sand on a rock", he said. "She just had the touch".

My feelings were not hurt.  He was right.

However, working in my yard has been therapeutic and you might say I am able to connect with my mother.  In fact, that's what my brother said to me recently.

I was always good friends with my mother.  She was my friend growing up and as she aged (and especially after daddy died), I became her friend.

And during the last 18 months or so of her life, I wasn't always happy to be her friend.

Ouch - that's hard to read, isn't it???

Our mother had what we have considered to be age-related dementia. She lost her ability to curb her tongue.  She became easily agitated and much more demanding.  (Truth be told, she could always be a tad demanding - she knew what she wanted and when she wanted it and that meant yesterday).

Because I was her principal caregiver, I was the one that sometimes felt a little "beat up".  A year ago I was recuperating from Covid which was compounded by the exhaustion of caring and watching as my mother's life on earth came to an end. 

And so it was that it took me a little while to get to the "I really miss my mother stage".

However, in recent days I have been often reminded of her and it has made me smile.

When one of the exercises in the Silver Sneakers Class at the Y became a bit strenuous I suddenly had a picture of my mother smiling with her tongue just over her top lip.

That's what she used to do when the blood pressure cup tightened on her upper arm.

Later that day, I was watching It's Complicated starring Meryl Streep and  Alec Baldwin and I remembered when she and I saw that movie and she surprised me by saying she loved his eyes. Friends say that to friends - not a mother to a daughter.

And now here it is Saturday morning and I am patiently waiting until 9 so I can start the mower.

My yard will never look like it did when my mother was the gardener.  But like my mother - I'm going to give it all I've got to make it look as nice as I can. 

When I am working in the yard - mowing, trimming, blowing the leaves - this is who I remember. It was taken in 2014.  I think it was her favorite photo of herself.  

And I am happy that sometimes I find myself really missing Iva Lou.

                                                      May you have enough sunshine in your life

To make you appreciate the shadows

 

They live on

As the second game of the Florida/LSU College World Series came to an end, I could just hear our daddy.

"I love it!."

If there's one thing that we knew about Earl Huffingham - "He was a Gator."  I think he went to his first game at what was then known as Florida Field when I was a toddler.  My siblings and I have often remarked that our blood is orange and blue.  All four of us continued to follow the Gators throughout adulthood.

When I lived away I would call home and talk with daddy about whatever sport the Gators happened to be playing.  In 1981, my parents visited our home in Louisville, Kentucky the weekend of the Heisman Trophy presentation.  Becca was 10 and enamored with Hershel Walker.  She just knew he was going to get the Heisman.  When he didn't, daddy assured her that Hershel would win next year.

By the next year, however, my children and I lived in Jacksonville and she had become a Florida Gator.  She barely knew any other college team. That has never left her.  And it has been a no-brainer but that her children are major Gators.

So the love for the Florida Gators lives on. Tonight I will watch the baseball game.  I will be happy that I know some of the nomenclatures and that I've learned a little during the playoffs.  I had not the first clue what a walk-off was.  And when that happened, it was necessary for me to google those words.  Truthfully it makes me too nervous to watch the game in it's entirety unless we are winning by a huge margin. I am guilty of changing the station often.

And if tonight when the game ends and LSU has won - we will all still sing "We are the boys from old Florida," especially the line "in all kinds of weather, we'll all stick together".

So that's one way our daddy lives on in me - and my children.

And my mother???

My parents came to live with me in 2005.  Mother was 78.  She could do remarkable things in my yard  (as seen in this 2012 photo).

And if I would have allowed it she would have mowed the grass using the lawnmower like a walker.

I will never be the same kind of gardener she was.  However, I can get dirty and perspire (remember ladies don't sweat) to such an extent that my clothes are like they have been in a pool of water.  I do mow my yard every 10 days or so.  And I might be like the cartoon I saw recently --

The man was holding a sign that said, "I'm not homeless.  I just need money because my wife keeps buying plants."  If I don't go to my neighborhood garden store every couple of days I'm sure the cashiers may wonder if I have chosen another store.

I was telling my brother-in-law, Robert,  about my yard which is pictured and he said, 

"Like your mama."

And then he said, "That was a compliment."

And I thought I heard daddy

"I love it."

My parents are gone.  And yet - they live on - in me!

May you have enough sunshine in your life

To make you appreciate the shadows

Happy Father's Day

Today is Father's Day.  

Like so many (and especially my siblings) I think I had the very best when it comes to fathers.

The second son of Ted and Lonnie, Earl Huffingham loved God, Golf, the Gators, and Iva Louise Nesmith.  They were married for 67 years before his passing in 2009 and in my unsubstantiated imagination, I like to think that he was waiting for her when she went to Heaven almost a year ago.

In fact, my daughter's words to her: "It's time for you to be with granddaddy" and our thinking that daddy met her at Heaven's gates with: "What took you so long?" reflect the way that all who knew our daddy knew how much he loved our mother.

I've heard that's the best thing a man can do for his children - love their mother - and our daddy was quite successful.

So much so that I went into marriage "expecting that".

That didn't happen for me.

But my children got something - if not better - at least something that helped them as they were growing up.

When we ended up in Jacksonville in 1982 I was exhausted.  Fortunately, we were welcomed by my family which included some good male role models, daddy, of course, being the most prominent. For the next 13 years, I raised my children with their help,  And even after Tray turned 18 and was off to college, those men remained their role models.  Many of them are still in the three Parker children's lives.

There were other men too - coaches, teachers, youth pastors, the fathers of some of their friends, and some of the friends I made along the way.

And I am not going to discount the fact that they are the children of  Ray Parker.  Those children would not be who they are without him.  Their lives would not be what they are today without him.

And so, in spite of the pain and disappointment that I experienced, I am grateful.

I didn't get to give my children the daddy that I had.  But because of the daddy they had - their lives are truly blessed.

They are not perfect although - I mean really "Have you met my children?"

And the way I see it - the fathers in my little family, Dale, Wally, and Tray, are doing just what my daddy did - Dale loves Becca, Wally loves Renee, and Tray loves Kristen. 

My grandchildren are experiencing what I did and I am truly grateful.

May you have enough sunshine in your life

To make you appreciate the shadows

Our Patriotic Patriarch

 Memorial Day is a pretty special day.

      Earl Huffingham was very patriotic. He was the first young man from their community to enlist after Pearl Harbor and was in the Pacific for 43 months. He was in the Army Air Corps. That meant he was a little bit army and a little bit air force. The photo to the right is of one of the few lasting mementos of daddy's life during World War II. The American flag sits atop a base that holds a uniform patch.  The words: "38th Air Engineering Squadron - WT Maintyun".  I have no idea what that means but  I can tell you that he never lost that keen spirit of patriotism and our family and friends have agreed that he really was a part of what Tom Brokaw said was "The Greatest Generation". And in the early '90's our family hosted his squadron for a reunion.  Daddy loved it and so did we!!!

   Even at the end of his life, daddy always wanted to be sure that mother or I had put the flag out - especially on a day like Memorial Day.  Now my flag is always out - even at night- with a light shining on it.

   I went to the World War II Memorial in Washington DC in 2005 and when I returned home, daddy was really filled with questions. I remember that he said if he ever got a chance to go, he was going.

   So, when he read about the Orange Park Rotary-sponsored trip for World War II veterans, he wasted no time at all checking it out. His trip would be paid for. He just needed to have a "chaperone".

   My son, Tray, who is daddy's #3 grandson, was all over that. He would love to go. He has inherited a lot of that same patriotic spirit that was a big part of daddy's life. Chad and Brad (grandsons #1 and 2 respectively) also share that spirit and all three of them have spent time serving our country.

    Daddy was so excited as they planned their trip. He supposed he might be the oldest person traveling (he wasn't) and was peeved as he waited for Tray to arrive for the ride to Orange Park High School. My mother and I rode over for the pre-trip meeting and were there as they boarded the buses headed to JIA.

     When they arrived in DC, they were surprised when Chad and Brad arrived. Daddy was thrilled. All of his "soldier boys" were with him to honor him and his comrades. It truly was a day that none of them would forget.

     Tray called me several times during the day to give me a report. He would start to tell me something and get choked up. He would say, "I'll have to tell you that in a minute, mom". It would be when they got home that night, daddy a whipped puppy, but with a beaming smile, before Tray could tell me what he had been trying to say all day.

   "Here granddaddy was in a wheelchair", he said. "And every time a band would strike up that song - you know the one that features all the branches of the service...when they got to granddaddy's part, he stood up".

   I didn't see this happen and yet I know exactly how it must have been. I can just see him. I know about the effort involved and the importance of this experience.  That was 15 years ago.  This is our 14th year celebrating Memorial Day without our patriotic patriarch. The flag is flying and we have no doubt about what daddy would do when he heard this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zudFEvTj9H0.

May you have enough sunshine in your life

To make you appreciate the shadows

Not what I wanted to read. . .

I heard the sound indicating a text.

It was from my friend Tamra.

Oh good I thought - she's texting to plan a time for breakfast.  It had been way too long since our last visit.

I have read that a person usually has five close friends in their life.  I have several groups of friends...people I have met through church or work or through some shared interest.  Some time ago I determined that I have one special group.  I call them "my group of five" and  I am proud and blessed to say that Tamra is one of my five!

"Pray for Brian,  He's been admitted. . .", and then a few words about what was going on with her sweet husband.

"Oh my, 🙏🙏🙏".

We stayed in touch every day that week.  I wore a prayer bracelet that Tamra gave me when I was going through a sad time in my life.  On Wednesday he was a little better - baby steps she said.  And then on Thursday morning  - "so many things are wrong.  He's now critical". And around 8:30 that night "Brian passed a little past eight".

I have met Brian only a few times but I feel that I know him well.

That's because I know his wife very well.   

Tamra and I became friends when we were both in an Administrative Professionals Group. She's that person who I always know it's okay to be silly with.  And silly we were.  We had way too much time in that group -  just being goofy.

We've been friends through the births of grandbabies, the death of parents, and changing jobs (hers, mine, and even Brian's).  When her son, David married Olivia I had the honor of sitting next to her at their reception.  When David and Olivia's children were born, I shared her joy.

This week I sat in the congregation listening as their pastor, two of Brian's closest friends and David told fun and dear stories about him.

I'm sad.  Sad for Tamra, David and Olivia, and their precious children.   And I feel a great sense of personal loss.

But I'm glad.

I'm glad that if for no other reason, I had the privilege of knowing Brian.  There were tears on my cheeks as the photos flashed across the screen. I wasn't there when those pictures were taken, but I have heard the stories of the way Brian loved - Tamra and their family. I felt a deep sense of gratitude. 

As I reflected on David's words: sorrow, love, anger - and back again, I thought of how the Brian I knew (through Tamra and the words of those who spoke), practiced exhibiting the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). He loved.  He was a man of peace.  He was kind and good and gentle.

And he would want his life (as the obituary read) "to inspire those he has left to live life in a way that is defined by laughter, love, loyalty, and kindness.

So the text didn't say what I hoped it would.

But there will be other times for Tamra and I to get together. And I will love to hear more about Brian's life and legacy                                               

                                                May your life have enough sunshine,        

                                                To make you appreciate the shadows