She was a good daughter

I used to say "I'll never be as good a mother as mine is - and I'm a good mother".

On this Mother's Day, I have been reminded that she was a good daughter.

Our mother is the eldest daughter of Iva Pauline Mercer and Ellie Wallace Nesmith.  She was born less than two years after her brother, Ellie Rudolph and in two years succession before Thelma, Carolyn and Ann.  Eight years after Ann, their youngest sister Beth was born.

From what I've read and observed, the family was always very close. Sadly they lost their sister, Thelma in 2011, but the four remaining sisters all live in Northeast Florida and they still stay in touch, love to visit with each other and keep up with their nieces and nephews.

Granddaddy Nesmith's birthday was May 12.  That being the case, when I was a child we often celebrated his birthday on Mother's Day.  In 1971, Grandma was very ill.  They had celebrated their 50th anniversary on January 1.  It was a wonderful time in our family,  However, the illness that had wracked her body for many years had taken a toll. Just 8 days later, grandma would go from "here to there" which was granddaddy's favorite expression of the time when a person left this world for Heaven.

But grandma didn't forget that it was his birthday. After her death, he told my children's dad that grandma had made sure he had a present.

I relayed that story to my aunts recently and I got this response from Aunt Ann.

"I smiled as I can imagine her turning to Iva Louise and telling her to go get a gift! She was to "go to" person for Mama for many years and I really appreciate all she did for Mama"

I remember that too.  My mother was always doing something for grandma.  We even moved there in 1959 to help when she had to be in bed for six hours each day. And she did things for our daddy's mother, and his brother and his aunt and the list could go on and on.

In reality - she has been a wonderful caregiver - 

And now, of course, the tables are turned.  It's Iva Lou who needs to be cared for. I'm not really sure why it is that I am her caregiver.  The eldest? the available? The "called to be a caregiver" because helps is first on my list when I take a spiritual gifts tests. 

It doesn't matter why it is.  What's important is that it is.

My mother was a wonderful daughter -- and caregiver and that made her an excellent role model for all of us!

May your life be filled with enough Sunshine 

to make you appreciate the Shadows

 

She didn't teach us

A person's first teacher is their mother.

Our mother taught us many things.

You know, the regular things - be kind, wash your hands, brush your teeth - "yes ma'am, no ma'am, thank you ma'am, please".

And the more specific things - how to cook, clean, sew, garden.  Actually, my sister, Cindy learned to cook, clean, sew; Jonathan can cook and garden.  

And the most important things - loving our daddy and others - and following this simple rule of a Christian -- "Man's chief end is to love God and enjoy him forever" (from the Presbyterian catechism).  

As I thought about what Iva Louise Nesmith Huffingham taught us, I wondered what others had learned from their mothers, so I posted a question on Facebook.

There were fun answers.  "She taught me to braid pine needles when I was bored"; "she taught me to whistle when I was working" and "she taught me to balance a checkbook".  One friend responded to that answer with "my mother tried but it didn't work".

There were dear answers. "She's why I became a nurse.  I watched her use her skill with my grandparents and knew I wanted to do that too".  

Answers were the regular ones - to make bread; entertain (both formally and informally just make your guests feel comfortable) kindness, generosity, love of family, cleanliness (always wear clean underwear); tell the truth, to be independent (one person was so proud of her mom who raised five children as a single mother); take care of yourself - do not depend on others to do that for you.

And they were more specific - "education is never wasted".  "the difference in a rut and a grave is that a rut has openings on either side and a grave doesn't" and one I really appreciated:

"A crisis or obstacle isn't the end of something; it's a chance to evaluate and do better".

I asked my own children what they think I taught them - Hospitality; to stay up all night to finish a school assignment and to always go to their "events".  I am proud to tell you that Renee loves to entertain; Becca is always completing a project with one of her children and Tray never misses a game or performance.

Oh, and what did our mother NOT teach us?  I don't think she taught us to leave her in a nursing facility.

At least I didn't and I said this to my friend Karen who responded with these words:

"Yes, she did, she prepared you to trust that God puts people in our lives to prepare us and to support us for whatever comes next in our lives. This is just an extension of your faith.”

Yep – She did teach us that.  And the four of us are ever grateful!

May your life be filled with enough Sunshine 

to make you appreciated the Shadows

Loving her to contentment

It's time for a change.

That's okay.  Our mother likes change.

As it happens mother needs more care than the Assisted Living Facility where she's been for almost four years can handle.  They are an ALF - not a nursing facility.

We have talked with social workers, nurses, and various counselors.

We know it's time for her to move.

I think back to those days of my childhood when our parents took us to see family members or friends in an "old folks home".  Sometimes it was called a "rest home". I especially remember a place out on Atlantic Blvd.

I can usually paint an unpleasant picture and make it look nicer than how it is actually seen.

That's not so easy now that it's time for our mother to be "there".

Oh, they may have a different name.  It's now skilled nursing or long term care.  But the bottom line is this: it's a nursing home!

So, can I paint a prettier picture?

Well, in the words of one of our nurses:  "you are going to be loving your mom to contentment"

Hum

For several weeks mother has been telling me that she is really endeavoring to be content no matter the circumstances (Philippians 4:12 - NIV).

So - with her request in mind, my siblings and our children are going to make every effort to help her be content.  We are going to love her into the next stage.  We are prayerfully hopeful that the care she receives will be good.  My guess is that I'll go be sure of that every day.

More to come....(aka the name of facility; address, etc).

May your life be filled with enough Sunshine 

to make you appreciated the Shadows

A Season of Caregiving

Today is my mother's 96th birthday.

My parents moved in with me in 2005 as daddy's health was failing and mother feared she would not be able to care for him without support.

That was 14 years ago.  

When daddy went to Heaven in September 2009, mother was still very strong.  She was, of course, aging but did very well.  She took trips to see family in Texas and South Carolina.  She went to her church's Great Banquet (a weekend of renewal).  The two of us traveled to see old friends and my Tampa children on several occasions.

She has spent the past 10 years in a good place.

Yes, she has aged.  She has hearing, vision and mobility issues because of diabetic neuropathy.

In 2015 she moved to Brookdale Mandarin Assisted Living and has been happy there.

We have continued to take her to family gatherings and fun times with friends.

Today she has very poor hearing, limited sight and mobility.  For the most part, however, she has a good attitude.

I have considered it a privilege to be her principal caregiver.  I have wonderful support from my siblings, children and friends.  I am so appreciative of that love, concern, and prayer that I experience through times of tears and laughter.  I do get tired, frustrated and agitated.  It's difficult to deal with the issues of much less communication than what I have known for most of my life.  

In a recent devotional, I read:  If we're thankful that God has given us the ability to extend care, we'll be more content.  If we think about how we're being used by God to touch the life of another person, we will be grateful.  If we consider how God is helping us, then we will find the strength to carry on when things get tough.

I changed the word IF to WHEN.

A dear friend suggested that I go to visit my mother suspecting the worse.  Then when there are no negative issues, I will be excited even more pleased!

Another person says, "this is just for a season".  And I say "this is a LONG season".  You know like when our favorite team NEVER wins a game.  We think the season will never end.

And yet it is for a season.  I am convinced that my mother will live until the needs of EVERY PERSON whose life needs to be reached by her love and care have been met.  And I suspect that someday I will say - it wasn't such a long season after all.

May your life be filled with enough Sunshine 

to make you appreciated the Shadows

"Go, tell it on the mountain"

In another time and in another place, the Huffingham had a maid whose name was Pecola. She did the ironing and sang as she worked.  Both my sister, Cindy and I loved to hear her singing - especially at Christmas. I  can just hear her singing "Go, tell it on the mountain". 

I tried to get Cindy to sing that song with me recently.  She said it would make her cry.

As we remembered that time in our lives I realized the reason I like that particular song.

Your first clue should be in the word  "tell."

I have never been accused of being quiet.  Nobody ever told me, but I am probably not even quiet when I sleep.

I just always have a story - or some words that I think are important to share - or something good (or bad) that's happening and my favorite way to share is with a pen or keyboard.

And yes - a cell phone.

You know the ones that you can use to TEXT.

I have a couple of friends who text me (and I them) just to say hello - as a reminder that we care and are praying and sending good wishes toward the other.  This is an everyday occurrence!

I love group texts.  That's because I can share the information succinctly and know that everyone gets what I have shared.   Sometimes the news is good.  My high school friends and I learned together when the first great-grandbaby in our group was born.  Sometimes it is of concern and a request for prayer like when my friend Mary Jo texted our prayer group to say she had taken a bad fall and couldn't host the dinner we had planned for that evening.  This week, my siblings and I texted about our brother's in-laws who are ill and my children and I texted about Christmas plans and presents.

I think my children prefer texting because I usually have fewer words.

So here we are - a few days before Christmas 2018.

And we can talk about a text...the most important text that has ever been written.

If I  try, I can almost recite those words --- "And it came to pass, in those days that a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed. . .".  Don't depend on me...look it up for yourself in the Gospel of Luke, chapter 2. Count the times the concept of "telling" is used.

The innkeeper said "no room";  the Angels had a story; the shepherds told each other "let's go see"; and then they made abroad what they had seen (that means they talked about it).

Only Mary remained quiet.  (Luke  2:19).  Hum, there might be a lesson there!

May your life be filled with enough Sunshine 

to make you appreciated the Shadows

The stocking are hung. . .

You don't have to be in my presence for more than about 10 minutes before I am telling you my latest adventure as a grandmother.

There is absolutely no way to ever explain how I feel about those 7 bundles of joy that I am blessed to include as my second favorite things about life.  Of course, I have those grands because of the first favorite thing.

When I was putting out my Christmas decorations, I was happy to find this.  For the 18th year, it hangs on the shelf with other significant stockings that have been a part of my life for many years.   One of them held a $100 bill, a gift from a friend who still remains among my dearest although we rarely communicate much less see each other - just know we share a love that is very special.  I digress.

As I hung the stockings and pulled the one that says "GRAND," I loved texting Abbie by now a Freshman in college to tell her how special she is to me. Her birth in 2000 was the beginning of this extraordinary life as a grandmother.  Each one holds a special place in my heart.

This past Fall, grandchild #4, the one I call Terrific, has spent many Saturdays with me.  We have enjoyed pizza, talking about his schoolwork, and playing various games.  He loves to tell people we meet that he may be my fourth grandchild, but he is my first grandSON.

He was excited a few weeks ago to bring his electronic Battleship game.  He knows that I used to play a similar game with his mom.  I tried to remember the game we played many years ago as we started and he assured me that it took him a while to learn it.

Finally, he took out the directions, scanned the pages and closed the book.

"It's not here," he said with a sigh.

"Doesn't tell me how to teach my grandma how to play this game."

As I reflected on that, I thought of my third favorite thing about my life this Christmas 2018 - the fact that every Monday night I get to be with an incredible group of women as we study the best directional book that I know of...the Bible.

Fortunately, it tells us not how to play the game but how to live the life...and as I follow those directions I find that I have joy, peace, and love.

I'm going to keep enjoying my three favorite things -- and pray that as I follow the directions in God's Word, those people are also going to enjoy me!

May your life be filled with enough Sunshine 

to make you appreciated the Shadows

It works for me

At a high school girlfriends luncheon this week the talk seemed to be about diets, exercise routines and what face cream is best for the wrinkles that are increasingly etched on each of our faces.

We were all searching for what works...and finally, someone said: "well it works for me."

More than 24 hours later, I cannot remember exactly what works; nor can I remember who it works for.

That conversation, however, made me start asking myself that some question - What works for me? And, no one is surprised to hear that I'm not thinking diets or exercise but rather what means do I employ that help me enjoy and appreciate the daily grind.

So - here's what works for me.

It's my faith  - the belief that nothing is going to come my way unless it's sent to me for a reason and that sometimes what comes will be positive and yes, just like the wrinkles on my face, some are not going to make me smile.

And it's a hope that even when life seems a bit bleak, there's a rainbow behind those torrential rain showers and though the shadows are a bit foreboding, there's still sunshine somewhere.

More specifically.

Our mother taught us that when we are going through something difficult the best solution is to say the name Jesus again and again.  I've done that when facing a painful physical procedure and when I am confronted with an issue that seems too big for me to handle.

I shared this concept with my prayer group last week.  I told them that's what I'd suggested to my mother when she is in pain.

And then I had a stressful morning and so many things to be going awry in my little world.  My friend, Anne put her hands on my shoulders and very gently said: "Just say, Jesus".

It works for me!

May your life be filled with enough Sunshine 

to make you appreciated the Shadows