Finding something that was lost (Unexpected Blessings #5)

Somehow I have gotten quite used to this.

 

My mother was giving me an account of the time since our  last visit as we traveled to enjoy Thanksgiving with my children.

 

She began to fidget with her seat belt and was digging into her pocket and I was frankly getting annoyed.

 

"I don't want you to have a wreck", she said.

 

And she finally said  - "and this was on the floor".

 

Those words make no sense to you do they?

 

A couple of weeks ago my mother lost something VERY valuable.

 

The remote control that she uses to help her hearing aid work better.  She can phase out the noise of others when she wants to hear just one person; she can increase the volume of that person.

 

It has been an INVALUABLE part of our lives.

 

She just knew she dropped it at the Mandarin Museum a  couple of weeks ago.  I looked and my friend, Sandy, helped me look and it just wasn't there.

 

Obviously I did not have a wreck, but I can tell you I was more than overjoyed as she showed me that remote - she found it almost accidently because of another issue.  Truly one of the good things that can come from something unpleasant (a ceramic piece had been broken).

 

And here's what I learned...when we find something that we lost we are extremely happy.

 

Have you ever lost a friend?

 

I have - and I just hate it when that happens.

 

But another thing that happened to me yesterday is that I was reminded of a friendship that began 50 years ago - that led to marriage and three outstanding children.  That friendship was fractured for many years...but yesterday as Ray Parker and his wife, Ruth, and those children and I sat at a Thanksgiving table and shared memories - of our past when Ray and I were married, of the children's memories when they would visit him after our divorce and even memories of some of the homes we had shared, I realized that I had found something that had been lost.

 

Which gives me hope that I can rediscover the joy of friendships lost.  That would be a real unexpected blessing.  Now I just have to take the necessary steps to reclaim those blessings. 

 

If my mother can find the hearing aid remote . . .etc, etc... The season of Joy, Hope, Peace and Love  is upon us. Surely, "God will make a way!"

 

 

 

 

My greatest UNEXPECTED Blessing

So - wouldn't you know that when I am thinking of unexpected blessings I could find one that has the word EXPECTING in it.

May 1971 - already a very difficult year that I won't share the details of - just believe me it was hard.  Things were not just right so one of the women in our small country church in Bakewell, Tennessee told me I should go see her doctor, an OB-GYN.

"Is it fun to have a baby?", I asked.

"It's exciting", was his response.

What he should have said is "it's a blessing".  For so it was, 44 years ago on Thanksgiving night that I knew I was in labor.  I remember I thought - History is repeating itself.  I knew that on November 26, 1901  my great grandmother, Marianna Michau Mercer, had given birth to her last child, a daughter she would name Iva Pauline.   And here I was about to give birth to my first.

Was my baby going to be born on my grandma Nesmith's 70th birthday? She had died in May of that year - just 10 days after I learned that I was "EXPECTING".

Grandma Nesmith had spent her life "blessing others".  She had a great capacity to love and had  been one of the strong examples of life in a "parsonage" as my granddaddy had been the pastor of Glendale Community Church until 1963 - when another outstanding minister's wife, entered my life in the person of Othella Elliott.

Grandma's death was one of the things that had made the Spring of 1971 difficult for me.  My mother told me that she went to grandma's grave on November 26th.  I lived in Chattanooga so she had no idea that I was in labor but she said as she brushed some leaves from the marker that day, she was aware that new life was coming.

Rebecca Lynn was born at 4:53 that afternoon. 

Becca has always been glad that her name is not Rebecca Pauline (however, now I think Pauline Rebecca would have been a great name).  She never knew Grandma Nesmith, however as I watch her as a mother and a teacher, not to mention friend, sister and aunt, I think she is like her.  Why?    Becca has a great capacity to love others.

And although at the time it seemed like almost a disaster - that I was going to have a baby - I can tell you without reservation - Rebecca Lynn is the greatest UNEXPECTED BLESSING in my life!

Too Blest for Stress (Unexpected Blessings #3)

The peace of God, which passeth all understanding, keep your hearts and minds in the knowledge and the love of God, and of his Son Jesus Christ our Lord: And the Blessing of God Almighty, the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, be amongst you and remain with you always

I was raised with the words - bless, blessed  and we always asked the blessing at mealtime.

One of the blessings I can look back on are the friends our family had because our dad was a Gideon.   Sometimes those friends lived in other states - like Rick and Kathy Darrow and the Sanders crew.  Kathy and I have been friends for 60 years.  And oh the crush I had on Sonny Sanders!  One Thanksgiving, the Huffinghams were visiting the Sanders in Bamberg, South Carolina when we learned that the supper menu included turkey soup.  My father was not impressed until my little brother said the blessing that night and thanked God for the turkey toup.

Even when we don't really like something it is good to give thanks.

When I met my new friend, Karyn, at the Care Partners Conference  the other day, she was very open about what she is doing in order to care for her husband.  Yes, she gets tired, very tired; Yes she is sad when she realizes he will be on a heavenward journey soon and Yes they have made most of their plans.

"He is a financial planner by trade", she said "And he took care of that well.  I have no worries".

That's good.  It's not always the case.

"But the best thing about his illness is what it's done to our relationship.  We talk more, we listen more and we pray more."

"I feel like his illness has been a blessing".

I left the conference feeling so uplifted.  I guess you might say I felt BLESSED - which I didn't expect to feel when I registered for that conference. Doesn't it have to be "spiritual" to be blessed?

"This person (name and email address) is interested in becoming a volunteer".  The note had been left on my desk at the Mandarin Museum.

So I sent Toppy Carter an email and an application and told him he could drop it by or mail it.

Within a couple of days a brown envelope arrived in my mailbox.  The return address said Toppy Carter, III. 

Hum - this man is a great candidate.  It even listed his reference as his assistant. He had an assistant?  And then I read the attached resume and the words "Quadriplegic" about jumped off the page.

A few days later it was my heart that was jumping when I saw a man in a wheelchair coming up the ramp at the museum. I'll never forget meeting Toppy Carter and his assistant Cory Hutchcraft..  And now I have gotten to know them a little and I am duly moved.  I have watched the way Cory cares for Toppy and been delighted to hear what Toppy thinks we might do for the museum.  He even brought us a CD of Civil War music to play while people look at the artifacts from the Maple Leaf and learn about Harriett Beecher Stowe.

Toppy was born with cerebral palsy in the early 50's.  He has been dependent on others for all of his 50 plus years.  He knows no other way. 

"Sure, I have bad days", he said. "But, really I have it better than most".

It's meeting people like Karyn and Toppy that remind me I really am "too blest for stress".

The words at the beginning of my thoughts to words to a keyboard to Cyberspace to your eyes and your heart (quite a definition for a blog isn't it?) are often used at the close of Eucharist (or Communion) which is in fact a way to give thanks to God.  They are also words I choose to wish for anyone who is reading this.  As my dear friend, Father John Owens says "be blessed"!

 

And suddenly I have a friend (Unexpected Blessings #2)

If I told you about all my friends and how we met and where our friendship is today -  this would become a novel.  I'm hesitating to post this because I don't want any of you that I don't mention to be hurt and feel like I don't value you.  However - this is about finding a friend when I wasn't expecting to...

Tamra Smith and I met when we were in a secretaries group. We always raised our eyebrows or rolled our eyes  at the stodgy women who insisted on following Roberts Rules of Order. That was  almost 20 years ago...the group has long disbanded, but we still raise our eyebrows, roll our eyes - sometimes at the people we see in Bob Evans when we regularly meet for coffee.

 

And then there's Virginia Pillsbury.  A chance meeting for sure. We were both at a Duval County Medical Society meeting.  She was a writer (first reason I liked her), a Christian and to my surprise Episcopalian.  And the strangest thing is that she really hadn't wanted to go to that event. We wasted no time agreeing that we should have coffee...something we have been doing now for four years. 

 

During the summer of 2014 I started noticing an attractive couple as they went to the rail for  communion. There was just something about them that I was drawn to. I did some digging and found out their names...and asked them to help with an event and ta da - Richard and Ann Stanley became my dear friends!

 

Earlier this year, I went to work part time at the Mandarin Museum and Historical Society.  Talk about unexpected blessings.  Sandy Arpen and the Board of Directors there have been so welcoming - and I love working with the volunteers and then Keith Holland introduced me to a squirrel and a ship that sunk - and suddenly I have a new appreciation for nature and  history.

My family teases me about the fact that I meet someone one day and am having coffee with them the next.

 

It happened again a few days ago.

 

I was at a CarePartners Conference on the UNF Campus.

 

Fingers busily typing a text, concentrating on what I absolutely had to tell my friend, I barely heard a woman ask "Is this seat taken?"

 

"You must be a very busy person", she said.  I must have seemed very rude.

 

I put my cell phone away and we exchanged niceties.

 

Karyn is a retired nurse and was at the conference in search of some CEU points.  Or so she thought - until she started telling me about her husband who is ill...and she realized she was really at this conference because she is a caregiver.

 

"I'm probably here because I need a friend"

 

Cha Ching - are there any words I would rather hear?

 

Hum - I found a friend and guess what - so did they!

 

 

 .

Unexpected Blessings

". . . the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings.”

― Henry Ward Beecher

You don't need words from me to tell you this - It's Thanksgiving week. Newspaper ads, Facebook posts, grocery stores teeming with people.

Nor do you need me to admonish you about being thankful.  That would be way too presumptuous of me, now wouldn't it?  And if you read my blog with any regularity you know what I am thankful for - my heritage (mother and daddy), my children (Becca, Renee and Tray) and their mates (Dale, Wally and Kristen) and those amazing, awesome, glowing, terrific, effervescent, caring, radiant people who call me Grand or Grandma.

And who can ignore the fact that my faith, family and friendships are so important in my life.  After all that's what I write about most. 

But as I thought about the words I wanted to share this week, I wanted to do something a little different so I looked for some quotes and I came upon the one at the beginning of this blog.

Then I let my mind ruminate on those words and it suddenly came to me - I have had so many UNEXPECTED BLESSINGS. . .

So I'm going to tell you about some of them.  This is the first - and there will be four to come.  I know this means I'll end up posting on the 27th, the day AFTER THANKSGIVING, but wait there's a method....

Here's the first -

It's no secret that while I love to dance...I don't like to dance - at least I don't like to have to follow the rules when it comes to dancing.  I just prefer moving to the music.  With that in mind, I like to go with my friend, Deborah when she is going someplace to dance because I really just enjoy the people watching part of it.

And so it was this past Saturday night.

There was this man...and when he heard that I don't dance, he responded with "I don't either, I just like to watch".

And here's where the unexpected blessing came in.

There were probably 50 opportunities to dance and it seemed that I could barely go back to our table before I was BACK on the dance floor with this man.

The evening ended and we said good night and most likely goodbye.

It really was a fun time and I think one of those unexpected blessings....

More to come.

Just the perfect BLEND SHIP

November 18, 1998

My parents, my brother in law, Robert Williams and I returned to my home in Colonial Point.  We had just completed the painful task of choosing a casket for Rich Suhey.

Mike and Diane Russell were in my living room.   He had been my friend for many years and his marriage to Diane had given me another dear friend.

"Aren't you supposed to be on a plane to Chicago?", I asked.

Mike hitched his pants (a habit I dearly love) and said "We're not going". It was a true testament to our friendship. And it is one of my most precious memories from that time in my life.

I don't know how it works - this friendship thing. 

Sometimes it's because of commonality - family connections, vocation, avocation, children, faith...so many of my friendships have been formed in the workplace or a civic group, at church or Bible study, because our children were friends. 

Sometimes it's because of chemistry and I don't just mean the kind that is used when people "fall in love" although I have had more than one friend that I could say was because of the chemistry, but I won't go there.

Except to say that Rich Suhey was my friend FIRST.  And this November 18 sentence from Simple Abundance, a Daybook of Comfort and Joy by Sarah Ban Breathnach describes our friendship and subsequent love story perfectly:

"Friends are people who help you be more yourself...more the person you were meant to be" (Merle Shain). 
Rich Suhey believed I could do so many things that I had never had a clue to try -- once I even piloted his boat (with my parents in the galley).  His encouragement continues to be one of the driving forces in my life.

Please don't think I  live under an illusion that Rich Suhey was some sort of saint.  He was a man; who made mistakes.  It just happens that he really helped me become who I am today.

One of those things is a friend. 

About 10 days before Rich died, I was invited to join some high school friends for dinner. We were gathering to support a dear friend whose father was very ill.  I hesitated, probably saying I couldn't afford it.  Rich's response to me was that I couldn't afford not to go.  From that dinner evolved a monthly gathering of those same friends - one that continues to encourage me.

There is no doubt in my mind but that I learned and grew through my relationship with Rich Suhey, including what I have experienced since his death.  Talk about the value of friendship...I think I am a better friend because of him.

I so much understand the value of friendship - and the importance of nurturing those friendships.  In the same November 18 posting from Simple Abundance... is this statement "friends are the continuous thread that help us hold our lives together."

This blog is already much longer than I normally post so I'm not going to name those friends who are the thread in my life...let's just say one could not find this thread in a fabric store.  Unless you found something called - Blend Ship!

Iva Lou's Babbling Brook

The idea was first born in our hearts in 2010.  Our very social mother would do great in assisted living.

Daddy had died in  September.  Mother had spent much of her 85 plus years involved - in church, PTA, the auxiliary of the Gideons, Christian Women's Club - not to mention raising four children, helping us raise ours and all the while being a wonderful wife to our father.

So we started the process - one that took more than five years before it came to pass.  In September of this year, Iva Lou (a name she now likes) became a resident at Brookdale Mandarin.

And now it seems that every single thing that has ever happened in her life has led her to this place. She is loved and she loves.  We have to caution her not to take care of people as easily as she wants to....no need to her to fall...when helping keep someone else from falling.  She is not overjoyed when I remind her of that.  It just seems so natural to her - the ultimate caregiver.

During the time that my mother lived with me, she "longed" to walk down the street and meet our neighbors.  That couldn't happen.  However, once she got to the halls of Brookdale Mandarin she has found great joy in meeting and helping other residents.

A dear friend of mine sent me this quote:  "What life brings to us is dependent on what we bring to life".  Those words are so reflective of my mother.  And as the eldest of her children I believe I can speak for the four of us in saying we are extremely happy that she has this opportunity to be in assisted living where she can continue to love others ... and show forth God's love ...the way we have seen throughout our lives.

One thing about our mother that we have always known to be true - she always thought it would be nice to have a porch - no matter where she lived and she always wants to have a sharing group...

Sorry mother - no way for a porch at Brookdale...however...we are happy that you get to have that sharing group - Iva Lou's Babbling Brook. 

Life has truly brought to my mother - what she has brought to life.

...For those who served

For some it was a sense of duty, for others it was because they had no choice.  And for still others, it was because they knew it was time to grow up.

Tom Brokaw called them The Greatest Generation.  They would be the ones who felt a sense of duty, the young men and women who signed up with Uncle Sam in the late thirties and early forties to serve our nation.

One of them would be the first from his community to enlist in 1941 a few months before Pearl Harbor.  He would take his girl to what they later called their Sweetheart Tree and give her an engagement ring on his 20th birthday, just days after that fateful day in Pearl Harbor - and just a month before he climbed aboard a train and was off to serve his country.  He did get to come home for a short leave in August 1942 and marry his childhood sweetheart.

For the next four years, it was all about a war - him in the Pacific and her in Jacksonville.

In late 1945 he came home and they began to plan for their future, built a house and decided it was time to start a family.

That is how I became a baby boomer.

By the time I was in high school and college, many of my generation were far less that patriotic.  They were the ones who went reluctantly.  Some of them even became what was known as a draft dodger. They did not feel that same sense of patriotism that our fathers had experienced.  One man I know, whose father was a navy recruiter, fled to Canada,

Rich Suhey hoped he wouldn't have to go abroad. so he joined the National Guard.  He spent much of his time of service in Missouri doing something that was connected with the building of bridges.  But he served - and when he died my dad wanted him to have a flag on his casket.

I didn't realize the significance of that until yesterday.

My favorite veteran spoke to my mother's sharing group.  He was one who joined the Army because he knew he needed to grow up.  He had been gently nudged by a beautiful blonde that it was time for him to get his act together.  As that veteran's mother I can tell you I thank God every day for that wonderful girl and her encouragement.

One of the key points in Tray's talk was of the comradery that he and his granddaddy and my nephews share.  Well of course they share a bond - daddy loved his "boys".  But Tray said it was more than that.

"It was because we served".

So on this Veteran's Day - when daddy and Rich are not here for me to thank, but others, like Tray and Chad and Brad are ... I am grateful for those who served.

It's what grandmothers do. . .

"What are you reading?" I asked my 10 year-old granddaughter, Allie.

"Kisses from Katie",  she responded. I was a bit taken aback and it must have shown on my face.

"Oh no, Grand", she said. "It's about a girl who has an orphanage in Uganda and some day I'm going to go there and work in it."

So I got the book from the library and read it. I understood easily the reasons my second grandchild was enamored.

She was 12 the next time I heard about Uganda. Still passionate. And then I heard she had told her mother that it was time for the two of them to take a mission trip and that appreciating her fervor, my daughter, Renee Blain talked with Josué Calzada, First Baptist Temple Terrace's mission pastor. The logical step was an invitation to Allie to join a special task force as part of their Missions Committee with an emphasis on Orphan Care.

 

And maybe next August, Renee and Allie would go on a mission trip -

Except when Renee talked with the Florida Baptist Children's Home she was given the name of a representative who works with Orphan's Heart and their International Child Care Division....and there are two spots on the March team.

This week while Renee and her husband, Wally, were in their couples' Bible Study, Allie and her older sister, Abbie went to  work. I first read Allie's blog on Abbie's Facebook page. Ah technology.

They need to raise a lot of money for this to happen - and a lot in a short amount of time - $4,000 which is a little more than half of what is needed for both Allie and Renee to travel to Uganda has to be raised by December 9.

So I have shared Allie's blog (which if you click on the word WORK you will go to) and I am going to do what grandmothers do - I am asking for your support - first of all your prayer support. This is a huge step of faith for Allie - and maybe even a "huger" for her mom and dad and grandparents. However, we know that Allie is a child of God and what He wills for her is what we want. And, of course, your financial support is appreciated. Please send me a private message through Facebook or post a comment as noted at the end of the blog and I will send you the necessary information.  And when you read Allie's blog, you will see some other ways to help.

Of course, this is a big step, a big scary step. However I really like what Pastor Josue told Renee - and her family:

"Just keep walking until God closes the door"

Online donations:
https://fbchomes.ejoinme.org/MyPages/OHTripDonation2014/tabid/521976/Default.aspx

 

 

 

 

Sheliah's Glasses

I didn't know her well...just as the mother of my precious friend, Holly and the grandmother of Lexie, Avery and Sidney Fields who are among my favorite young people at the Episcopal Church of Our Saviour.

But when I attended Sheliah Page's memorial service I learned so many special things about her that I wished I had taken an opportunity to know her better.

Her daughter, Heidi, remembered her mother  helping another family in need and one of her neighbors told me how she gave up her parking place when the neighbor returned from lung surgery, still having much difficulty breathing.  This was an especially endearing gift, since Shelia herself had COPD. 

And then her daughter, Molly, the one Sheliah  wisely gave up for adoption but had been reunited with earlier this year, told me that her adopted mother had told her that it was important to Sheliah  that her baby be raised in the church and that is exactly what happened.  So much that Molly chose to be a teacher in a Christian school.

One of the neatest things about the memorial was a display of reading glasses.  There must have been 50 pair.  And if you were fortunate enough to be looking at it when one of her girls were also there you heard this:

"Take a pair of the glasses" And I did.


Earlier that day I had received a message from my friend Dr. Keith Holland: Stich is dead and Pascal is dying.

Six words and yet a depth of emotion. .  And if you read my blog regularly- you know that I am talking about the squirrels that Keith  had been caring for after they were left to fend for themselves when a hawk got their mama and they fell to the ground in the yard of one of the Jacksonville dentist's  patients.

Talk about getting attached to an animal.  Keith is grappling with questions like "what did I do?" and "what could I have done differently?.

I think what he did was give a little girl an opportunity to learn first hand about life - and death. 

And that helps her with living.

And of course, both of these things happened on what we celebrate as All Saints Sunday.  The day set aside for "remembering".  I know I don't have to have a day set aside.  I always remember!

And now that it is November I am remembering the birth of two little girls who call me mom and  have grown into dedicated Christian women.  When I was growing up and actually until I was 24 years old, it was in November that we celebrated my maternal grandmother, Pauline Nesmith's birthday.

It is also the month that I got that telephone call and heard a doctor say "your husband did not survive".

"It is both natural and proper to grieve for those loved ones who pass beyond our sight", Keith said in his message about the squirrels.

And it is good to have something tangible to help us remember - I have a photo of the squirrels, Rich Suhey's name, and Sheliah's glasses.