I love to tell a story

During the Fall, most churches have pledge drives so they can set their next year's budget.  The theme for our church this year was based on an old hymn, " I love to tell the story."

If you have spent at least 10 minutes with me, you know it.

I love to tell a story!.

I'm a writer, right?

I have so many stories in my head and heart right now that I have difficulty deciding which to tell.

That's because it's Autumn and who doesn't have a lot of Holiday related stories? I have Halloween,  Thanksgiving, and Christmas stories.  I have Florida/Georgia weekend and those special days in both November and December when we celebrate the birth of some of my dearest family members and friends.

Which is my way of announcing a series of blogs "I love to tell A story"

October 31, 1997.

Rich Suhey had wanted a boat for a long time.  His mother passed in June of 1997 and with the sale of her house in New Jersey, Rich and his brother each received a small amount of money.   

He got serious about finding a boat. 

He scanned adds, we went to boat shows, and then one day he found what he was looking for.

And so it was that on Friday, October 31, 1997 we made our way to the Julington Creek Boat Sales and picked up the Manatee.

He was so excited.  Like a little boy.

Only thing was that he knew ALL THINGS ABOUT CARS and very little about boats.  And of course, you know that his first mate was much less knowledgeable than he was.

We made our way - under the Julington Creek bridge into the St Johns, under the Buckman and when we got the Fuller Warren, Rich said he thought we would stop and get gas.

That was an interesting time.  By now it was Happy Hour at River City Brewing and I was just sure everyone there was watching to see what we were doing.  

Rich never gave that one thought.  He clearly assumed that he was the Captain of his ship and in control

We had left Julington Creek at around 2:30; by now it was close to 6; darkness was setting in. And  I wasn't comfortable about docking the boat in Colonial Point where we both had condominiums.

There were no slips.

So we pulled up next to a boat we had seen docked there for weeks (never being moved).  Rich lowered the anchor and tied his boat to that one.

Oh, and did I mention that by now it was raining?

Eventually Rich would learn more about the boat, including the fact that he would have to get permission to dock it in a different place.  Our first time out, the boat's motor snagged a crab trap and that meant having it towed.  

I did learn to pilot it (who knew I could do that?) and, of course, my favorite day on the boat was on March 13 of the next year when I became Paula Huffingham Suhey.  And after he passed later than year, I sold the boat and shared the proceeds with our five children.

So the Manatee is just a memory.  And my story is not so much about the story of God's love and grace as the song our church's pledge campaign was based.

And yet - that time in my life was a gift from God.  Rich Suhey taught me so much about who I could be - and who I am in Christ.

And that's another story that I love to tell!

The best part

I love Downton Abbey.

I know.  I'm not alone!

Early on Sunday of this week, I set my table for a gathering of fellow Dowtonians. We were going to enjoy the Downton Abbey movie and then coming to my home for "high tea".  The table held some of the pieces that I had inherited because my mother lived with me - and she brought them having inherited them from her mother.

And from somewhere came a voice.

"You are just like Grandma Nesmith".

I remembered my maternal grandmother's love for entertaining and the many opportunities I had enjoyed helping her with a dinner party.

I loved it!

Later in the day as I enjoyed the movie, I so appreciated the conversation between the Countess Dowager and her granddaughter, Lady Mary.

"You have the best part of me".

My mind went quickly back to the morning experience.

Grandma was more than a good hostess.  She was a great cook (especially yeast rolls), was very caring for others (took in elderly persons and helped them so much in their dying days) and I believe was a very supportive wife to our granddaddy (although she never imagined he would become a minister almost 25 years into their marriage).

However, I did get her love of entertaining.

My paternal grandmother was a quick-witted little lady.  She had the uncanny ability to make each of her 8 grandchildren believe they were her favorite.  And she loved shoes!

And now I am wondering. Which part of me do my grandchildren have?

It could be my love of shoes, my appreciation for words, or yes - my love of the Florida Gators.  It could be my love for Scripture or music, and yes - for entertaining.

But what I'd want them to have - something I appreciate about me - is passion.  If I believe it - you know it!

That's also what Mary's granny believed to be her best part.

I think I'm in good company!

Daddy's last gift - almost

When I remember my words, I shudder.

So selfish was I!

My parents and I were enjoying dinner and somehow the conversation turned to what we knew was daddy's death.  In January 2009, daddy realized his days were numbered and he began making preparations.  He gave Lester the checkbook, added my name to the title of his 2003 Saturn, and in late August he made the decision to no longer be given blood transfusions.

He knew that meant his days on earth were soon over.

Back to the conversation, I think in May or June.

"I don't want to be here when you die".

I still can't believe I actually said that.  My reasoning is that I would be trying to console mother, get my siblings on the phone all the while surely sobbing my heart out.

And so it was that on the morning of September 16, 2009, my daddy  asked me - not once, but three times, "are you not going to work today?"  Later I learned that he had also asked my mother if there was anything left for them to talk about.

I did go to work.  Just after lunch my son, Tray, called me.  By this time, Tray had been coming three times a day to help care for his granddaddy.

"Mom, you need to come home. Granddaddy is not doing so hot".

Within the hour our Jacksonville family and two ministers and a Hospice nurse had gathered by his bedside.

In the late afternoon, daddy died.

In fact, I'm the one who whispered to the Hospice nurse - I think he's gone.

So what happened to the not wanting to be there when he died.  Our Hospice team had helped me understand what was going to happen.  I felt more prepared.

I never told daddy.

Which is why he wanted to know about my plans for that day.  He was making a valiant effort to give his firstborn child a gift.  He wanted to honor my request.

So although he tried, he wasn't able to give that final gift to me. At least not the one he thought he was giving.

But a wonderful gift - I will always be grateful to be in the room when my daddy went to Heaven!

It's like my mother always says  "Romans 8:28 is still in the Book".

May your life be filled with enough Sunshine 

to make you appreciate the Shadows

 

Iva Lou - Grandma Moses???

     When we were growing up, we knew our mother enjoyed art.  She often told us about her days at Landon High School when her teacher was Memphis Wood,  who would later be known as Jacksonville's "First Lady of Art".  She was thrilled when she learned that there is a special garden at the Mandarin Presbyterian Church that honors Ms. Wood and when I started to work at the Mandarin Museum, she enjoyed the Memphis Wood art she saw there.

     When our children were growing up she took some classes in oils.  We thought she did a pretty good job and all these years later, I love to go into a friend or family member's home and see one of the pieces that she did.

     After daddy passed, she saw a notice in her church bulletin about some art classes  That's when she began to draw.


 

    When it was time for her to move to an Assisted Living Facility, she asked for a coloring book.  One year she gave each of her children one of the books she completed  Now we have a reminder of the peace that she felt when she was coloring as well as the joy she felt when she gave something she had drawn or colored as a gift.
   This card hangs on my refrigerator.  It's a thank you for something I had done. (That would be another thing my mother is famous for).

      A few days ago, my brother in law, Robert Williams, suggested that we take her colored pencils and a couple of coloring books to the Activities Room at Westminster Woods on Julington Creek.  At first, that didn't seem to phase her.  I sat with her and colored a bird.  I wanted her to color a flower.  No response.

Our family loves this photo!

     AND then one day, I put a colored pencil in her hand and she started to color.  She completed a leaf.  I realized that she had asked me a question - "do you want me to color that?"

     We don't know if she'll ever want to color again but it is a great reminder to us of something she loved.

     We also never know who we'll find when we visit her.  This is so very difficult.  But again the faith that she and daddy instilled in us as children is the foundation that keeps us trusting.

     We don't know what the future holds...but we do know and appreciate who holds it.  And we thank our family and friends for your continued love, prayer, and support.  She would send you a thank you note if she could!

May your life be filled with enough Sunshine 

to make you appreciate the Shadows

They would say "thank you"

We have been in the process of going through some more of our mother's things.

I stumbled upon a box of note cards.  They included drawings that our mother did between 2011 and 2015 when she finally switched from being creative to coloring. Mother has been a note writer for as long as any of us can remember.  And many of our family members and friends have been the recipient of some of her sweet words of encouragement.

The timing of my discovery was perfect.

I have recently finished Love, Loss and Dementia by Lauren Austine and Holly Gershbein, two childhood friends who grew up to share the experience of their mothers suffering from dementia. The book has been so helpful.

Holly included some words entitled "If my mother could talk with me".  She says that she thinks her mother would say she had loved her from the day she was born; that her mother had a wonderful life because she was in it and that her mother thanked her for being her best friend and advocate."

On a personal note as I began to separate the note cards and put them with envelopes to use in the future I realized that I actually had taken her drawings and created those note cards.  It was really good for me to be reminded of something I did for my mother.

At this point, it is very difficult to find ways to help her.  She recognizes us but something that's a little different - she never asks for anything (I mean that with respect -we all now appreciate the fact that she always needed just one more "little thing" - and that daddy had always been able to do it -something we never quite succeeded at).

And then as if my mother were sitting at my dining room table I heard her repeat a story from her childhood.

Her great-grandma, Annie Rebecca Gamble lived with them when she was small.  Grandma Gamble loved flowers and when she watered them she always said: "Can't you just hear those flowers - they are saying thank you for the drink of water."

And then I "heard" mother say "And I thank you for all you do for me."

Somehow  - although my mother cannot take care of herself - she sent me a message that helps me take care of me!

May your life be filled with enough Sunshine 

to make you appreciate the Shadows

Does your mother like it?

Sunday, August 4 - I went to visit my mother in the Skilled Nursing Center at Westminster Woods.  She was asleep.  My attempts to waken her were not successful  I ran my fingers through her pretty silver har and kissed her on the cheek.  I took a deep breath and walked out of the door.

I had time before I was due to be at church so I stopped for a moment at the fountain.  I sat on a bench and listened as the water moved - splashing gently.

And somehow this question - that has been posed to me many times - was at the forefront of my thoughts:

Does your mother like her new home?

Truth be told - I don't have a clue.  The four weeks that she has spent there have continued to be times of confusion for her.

And yet - Truth be told

She loves it!

And how can I say that with such bold assurance?

We know our mother.

She loves her family.

If she could tell us, mother would say she is delighted to be close to three of her children, on the same property as one of her sisters and not too far from some of her grandchildren.   We have no doubt but that we are her favorite people.

Our mother loves beauty.  Westminster Woods is beautiful.

She often said she'd like to live there.  She thought it wasn't possible.  When we first took her to the Terrace, we told her that we hoped that was just a stopover.  By the time it became a reality her mind had began to fail and even then we were not sure she fully understood that we were moving her.

And probably the most important thing we know

Our mother trusts in the Lord.

If she could, we think she would tell us that all is well.    She has often repeated "Not my will but yours dear Lord - this is what my prayer will be."

The four of us and our families believe that the Lord made a way for her to be in a beautiful setting.  Now, her room is just a room.  There is no reason to glorify that part.  She has a roommate.  CNA's care for her.  Sometimes she is in a wheelchair in a room with others who are like her.  She sleeps a lot.  When she is awake she looks at us like she knows us but is just not sure how.  

I went back to see my mother around 4:30 that afternoon  She still slept  This time she tried to wake up but just couldn't.  When I left I said "I love you" and she said "I love you" back.

Again I walked by the pretty fountain.  And I thought of another reason my mother likes it.  

We like it.  

That's the kind of mother, Iva Louise Nesmith Huffingam has always been - if we liked something or someone - that's all she needed!  

We are blessed!

May your life be filled with enough Sunshine 

to make you appreciate the Shadows

Strong Sibling Support System

This is my mother's

Beth, Caroly, Ann and Iva

This is mine

Paula, Lester, Cindy and Jonatha

This is my children's

Becca, Tray and Renee 

Three generations all share something in common.  It's a title I dreamed up when my children were teenagers.  All of us have a strong sibling support system.

For years I have seen my aunts rally to each other's side when there was a need.  Recently I have become very aware of aunt Ann as she goes to see my mother almost every day.  When aunt Thelma was soon to pass, the four Florida sisters got on an airplane and went to be with her and her family. aunt Ann, aunt Carolyn, and my mother came back to Jacksonville before Aunt Thelma died.  Aunt Beth stayed.  And I'll always remember that Aunt Ann was with my mother shortly after they had heard the news of their sister's death.

Just prior to our losing daddy, Lester wrote to us that he was looking forward to sharing the grief we were about to experience.  At the funeral - all of us were physically touching each other!  Through our mother's aging, we are of one voice.  I do not have to be at all concerned that a decision that is made is just mine - or any of ours.  Each of us has the love and respect for each other that is necessary at a time like this.

And my children - when one of them is doing something big or has a need of our love, support and prayer, we all get a text.  They probably also text and don't include me.  I have always said that they can be miles apart but you let something happen and they are all together.  

All of the above is why I chose to do this at a recent girls night out at Board and Brush.

As to my children, I should add a disclaimer. I really don't like the fact that we have grown in different directions.  I miss being the captain of the team known as Parker.  They grew up to be what I hope they would - strong, independent, capable adults.  They love and serve Christ, their mates, and their children.  I am very proud of them.

I can tell you, however, that just as my aunts rally to help our mother and my siblings and I are co-workers in our mother's care, my children rise to the occasion when their mother has a need and I appreciate that so much.

Our roots really do keep us all together. 

May your life be filled with enough Sunshine 

to make you appreciate the Shadows