Sing, Momma

He was an impatient little two-year-old.

So cute - no doubt about it.

But so impatient.

I was putting breakfast on the table and had decided this cold North Carolina morning, three days before Thanksgiving in 1979 would be a great time for hot chocolate.

Steam was rising from the three Styrofoam cups as I said, "let it cool a bit."

Eight-year-old Becca listened, as did five-year-old Renee. However - my impatient little Tray thought he knew better than his momma.

He reached across and pulled it toward him.  Suddenly that hot water was running not just across the table, but splashing on his body.

I grabbed him, put him in the sink and begin to spray cold water. What I hadn't realized that when I grabbed him, the chenille bathrobe I was wearing held heat - and that made the burn worse.

We were on the way to the hospital in Lexington, and as I held him in my arms, I sang Jesus Loves Me and sometimes he would try to sing. I can almost hear his sobbing voice "nobody can do it like McDonald's can."

The trip was a 30-minute drive.  When it got quiet in our car, he would say "Sing, Momma."

Those words have stayed with me.  When I am frightened or worried, I sing.

Besides, "He who sings frightens away his ills" (Miguel De Cervantes).

I have been reminded of those words as we are in this stage of my mother's life.  She sang in her high school women's ensemble.  I have heard that she even soloed at a wedding or two. When daddy was in the Philippines during WWII, however, she stopped singing.

She would sing the hymns in church, but she was never in the choir, and she rarely sang at home. The years before daddy's passing, I would often hear them singing as they shared in a time of devotion early in the morning.

As her hearing continued to diminish, she tried to sing, but well I should just say she tried to sing.

I was with her recently at a gathering that included a performance of various songs.  It ended with Amazing Grace and I tried to get her to sing along, but she kept her mouth closed. So, I leaned into her ear and sang the words along with the musicians.  I'm not sure how much she heard, but to me, it was a wonderful experience.  And I have decided to keep doing that.... when I go visit her from now on, I'm going to sing to her.

Maybe someday she will say "Sing, Paula."

May your life be filled with enough Sunshine 

to make you appreciated the Shadows

Thank you for the spinach

I happen to like spinach - as long as it's in a salad.

I don't, however, like it cooked.

Years ago, my then husband, Ray Parker, gave this example in a sermon about being thankful.  It was especially meaningful to him because he loved his Mammaw's fried chicken and his mother's German Chocolate Cake.

"Suppose you sat down to a nice dinner," he said, "and there on the table was fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy and you could see a chocolate cake on a nearby counter."

Your mouth would be watering...you could hardly wait to get through with the chicken and potatoes and get to that cake".

. . . |and then you saw it.  And you knew what your mother was going to say.

You had to eat what was in the center of the table before you could dive into that cake".

And what was in the center? You guessed it - a bowl of spinach.

That story always reminded me of my brother, Lester, who had heard my daddy lamenting the fact that we (our family was visiting our South Carolina friends for Thanksgiving) were probably having turkey soup for supper.  Lester was four years old, and when we got to the table, he had the honor of asking the blessing.  And his words:

"Thank you for the turkey 'toup."

The point of these remembrances is that even when we have so many  things for which to be grateful, we also need to be thankful for those less than pleasant things....even those things that are downright awful - loss of job (or home like those in West Florida, the Carolinas, and California); catastrophic illness (or loss of a dear one because of that); or even the loss of a relationship - we can be thankful.

Sarah Young said it so well in November 22's Jesus Calling "Thankfulness is not some sort of magic formula; it is the language of Love which enables you to communicate intimately with God. A thankful mindset does not entail a denial of reality with its plethora of problems."

I suppose the most difficult bowl of spinach that ever was set before me was when  Rich Suhey suddenly died 20 years ago.  For two years following his death, I was caught up in dealing with the financial responsibilities that he left me with, the sadness of the loss of the dreams that we had shared and the inexplicable pain of being a 51-year-old widow who had been married only 8 months.

Even today all these years later, I can be met with an unexpected feeling of great sadness at my loss.

However, in those same twenty years, I have been blessed with a terrific daughter in law, seven dear grandchildren, finished my college degree and had the privilege of caring for my parents (which sometimes has been a little like that Turkey 'toup Lester was thankful for).  I have also met and formed incredible friendships, and I have loved the many opportunities of service that I have enjoyed.

Spinach is high in iron.  It enriches one's blood.

It has been said that "pain is good for you."  And how about this little quote:  "If it doesn't kill us, it makes us stronger."

I'm still breathing; I must be stronger!

And that's the way I'm looking at life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, this Black Friday, 2018.

May your life be filled with enough Sunshine 

to make you appreciated the Shadows

Faith, Family, Friends

When I am asked what my blog is about my most common answer is "Faith, Family, and Friends".  It could just as easily be "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness", or " Let's have another cup of coffee..."

Or when I am really honest, I might say "It's about me". 

Actually, it's about WHO I am.

I am faith - the faith that was instilled in me as a child, the decision I made as a six-year-old to put my trust in Jesus Christ and begin the lifelong journey as a Women of Faith. AND faith to believe everything is going to work out for the best!

I am family - my parents who met almost 90 years ago when he was 8 and she was 6; who loved each other and their children and our children with such a deep and lasting love; my dear siblings who along with their spouses, love and support me; my incredible children and grandchildren and our extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins.

I am friends - from the childhood crib babies who are still my closest friends to friends I seem to make at every juncture of my life - in churches, workplaces, and civic organizations.  AND somehow I have managed to keep most of those friends! 

My children tease me and say I meet a person one day and have planned to meet for coffee the next.  That's not very far from the truth.  A friend asked me how I've met so many people and we determined it's because I ask them questions (my children call it being nosy; I call it being interested and if I get really sophisticated I say it's because I m a journalist at heart that that's what I am supposed to do).

At any rate on this day before Thanksgiving 2018, it's my Faith, my Family and my Friends for which I am the most grateful.

I am especially mindful of the Faithfulness of God - new every morning, even when I've gone to bed the prior night wondering what the next day might hold - My mother's health and well being as well as that of her sisters and their families, the upcoming Winter Celebration at the Mandarin Museum, (Saturday, December 1 from 11-4) and what project will fill my days once 2019 has dawned.  Oh, and am I going to make any new friends?

I really do have much to be thankful for!  I hope you do as well.

Happy Thanksgiving!

                            May your life  be filled with enough Sunshine...

                                ...to make you appreciate the Shadows

"She meets her trials..."

I woke up this morning with lots of trouble on my mind.

Unsure about my mother's current state of mind and body; Disappointed that my daughter didn't get a position we wanted for her; difficulty with filling a couple of important volunteer spots at the museum, wondering where that check for all those hours I spent working early voting is,  concerned for the health of my children's father and sad as I recall the last days I spent with Rich Suhey before his untimely death 20 years ago this weekend.

I remembered the words in the annual when I was a senior "she meets her trials with a smile... and the shadows turn to light".

Hum

As is my daily practice, I poured that first cup of coffee, found the Praise and Worship music that I listen to and settled into my comfortable chair with several devotional books at my feet.

"Approach problems with a light touch...When a problem (A problem?) starts to overshadow your thoughts, bring this matter to Me" (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young).

The devotional included a reference to Scripture "...In the world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world" (John 16:33b).  These were words that Jesus gave His disciples as His time with them was nearing the end.

And also on that page is my handwriting as the words "she meets her trails...".

Hum

I must have felt like this another time.

The wind chimes outside my bedroom window sang out to me as the November breeze picked up.

Somehow I heard my daddy's oft-repeated words "everything is gonna be all right".

I smiled!

                          May your life  be filled with enough Sunshine...

                               ...to make you appreciate the Shadows

Attitude Adjustment

The Ear, Nose and Throat doctor threw me for a loop.

"Your mother has the wrong kind of hearing aids"

What?

We have been working on her inability to hear for so many years.  It has been a long and arduous process - certainly for her - but also for those of us who have something to say.

I guess others in addition to me have something to say.

At any rate, I made the earliest appointment available with our regular audiologist and I told my mother about it; put it on her calendar and arranged my Monday around that appointment.

For the past few weeks I have endeavored to find opportunities for mother to get out a bit and this weekend I decided to take her to my church for the late Sunday afternoon service.

As we left, my mother began to weep.  Through her tears she asked, "How much money do I have?  Can we save for the hearing aids the doctor suggested."

She was so upset that she hadn't been able to hear our pastor's sermon.

She had forgotten that we have an appointment today.  I had not forgotten and I got angry.

I mean banging my hands on the steering wheel angry.

We arrived at her home with me trying to explain to her that I have a plan...first see our regular audiologist - then go from there.

I left her talking with one of her friends - probably telling the woman that I was really cranky.

She would be right.

After a night of tossing and turning, I woke up to these words - "Now unto Him who is able to keep you from falling. . .".  I found the rest of the Scripture in Jude.  I read the words preceding those - and two words jumped off the page at me - "Have compassion".

Oh me.  I'm supposed to be the compassionate one.  I genuinely care about others.  I hadn't been showing my mother much compassion.  She cannot help it that her hearing has failed.

I also cannot help it that sometimes the responsibility of being a caregiver gets heavy, discouraging.

I knew the plan.  But she has missed it.  She is, after all, going to be 96 in a few months.

So this morning = having waked up feeling pretty irritated with the whole situation, I have accepted the fact that I needed an attitude adjustment.

Let's see how long I can accept this is sunshine rather than feel like I am in the shadows!

                           May your life  be filled with enough Sunshine...

                               ...to make you appreciate the Shadows

You're never fully dressed. . .

Okay, I admit it.  I knew you thought it anyway.

Carly Simon's song is about me.  You know the one - "You're so vain, I bet you think this song is about you. . .".

When it comes to my children, my grandchildren, my hair and my teeth....Yep -  I'm so vain.

So it should come as no surprise to you that I spend lots of money on my hair (I like it salt and pepper).  AND over the past few months, as I noticed my used to be pretty teeth were beginning to look a bit uneven and had gaps...I started investigating.

I asked my dentist friend, Keith, about them.  I did some research.  I learned that the aging process can result in crowding of lower teeth.  I also learned that my lack of trips to visit a hygienist had resulted in deposits of plaque and made my lower teeth uneven.  That I learned when I bit the bullet and made an appointment with Dr. Larry Burnside, a Mandarin dentist, a few months ago.

He was very kind as he outlined a plan.  I could have some work done.  Oh me, I needed cosmetic dental work.

While I may be vain, I am also quite pragmatic.  Did I want to spend money that way?  I promise you - I thought, I prayed, I agonized.  And it really wasn't that much money.  It's just that I had to decide - my teeth or a new kitchen floor.

That's the back story.

I was in Dr. Burnside's chair recently and kept my eyes closed as he worked on my mouth.

But when I opened my eyes, I could see a smile under the mask of his assistant, Holly, who happens to be one of my dearest friends. She was so excited as she watched the transformation that was happening in my mouth.

Holly's mother, Shiela, is in Heaven now.  I could tell you lots of things about the two of them.  Theirs is a sweet story of love and forgiveness.  I think the story is one of the reasons that today - Holly has a beautiful smile.  And it is fortunate for me, who is old enough to be Holly's mother, that she gives me some of the love she misses being able to give to her mother.

There's just something about forgiveness and love - and allowing Jesus's love to show through us.

Sometimes that's a bit difficult to do.  I've said it many times in recent days - "The trouble with life is that it is so daily" (that's not original, but I don't know where I heard it). The struggles that we all face each day - from traffic to paying bills to caregiving.

My smile is a little better now - I just have to make sure I am also smiling on the inside.  Besides, "you're never fully dressed without a smile."

                                      May your life be filled with enough Sunshine...

                               ...to make you appreciate the Shadows

"The touch of the Master's Hand"

This print hangs in my kitchen.

It holds some of my daddy's favorite words.  He loved to memorize and quote poetry, and this one, from the pen of Myra Brooks Welch, was a favorite.  It's the story of an old beat up violin that was being auctioned.  No one wanted it until a man stepped forward, took the instrument and its bow and began to play.  And then the bidding went high, higher and highest!

Of course, the value of the violin increased because of the music that came when a Master took the bow to its strings.

We all loved it when daddy quoted a poem or scripture or sang a line or two from a song from his youth.

This is the week that we remember what to me might be  the most precious experience of my life....when the pain got unbearable and daddy called for a nurse, when I gently encouraged him that the medicine that I was placing inside his mouth was to help him relax, when his minister, Rev. Kevin Pound repeated the words of the 23rd Psalm and put the name Earl in rather than saying "MY" and daddy's sweet spirit just sort of wafted out the window to dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

There are four children and three spouses of those children, 11 grandchildren and 7 spouses of those grandchildren and 17 great-grandchildren, who in addition to the love of his life, Iva Lou, sisters, brothers in law, nieces, nephews, and many friends  - miss him still.

We all miss different parts of him....Gator football; golf, Gospel music, and the fact that he really understood that he had a better life because he gave his life to Christ as a young man.

I thought of him this week when I read these words in a devotional, Practicing His Presence which is a compilation of some letters written by Brother Lawrence and Frank Laubach,  a missionary to the Philippines.

Laubach wrote that he had a mind bent to explore and to respond to Christ as a violin responds to the bow of the Master.  

I think that's what my daddy did - I believe he knew the value of the Master's hand on his life - and we all are better for it!

            May your life be filled with enough Sunshine...

                                ...to make you appreciate the Shadows