"Call a friend"

The television show, "Who wants to be a millionaire?" featured "Call a friend".  That gave the contestant the opportunity to call someone for help when they were unsure of the answer to the question

I thought of that recently when I realized that I should have done that - "call a friend."

I was telling my friend, Diane, about the prior weekend.

My first grandchild, Abbie, has now gone to college.  She has a heart that is bent toward following what she believes to be God's plan for her life.  I not only embrace that for my own life but heartily support this in hers.  Abbie is a freshman at Cedarville Christian University.  She is 11 hours from home.

As I think any grandmother might do, when she was making her decision about college, I asked if she realized how far away she was going to be.  She knew that and said "don't you think it's time for me to grow up?" and I determined then and there to never say another word about her being way up north.

So it was that the weekend before I was lunching with Diane, had been the time Abbie said goodbye to her parents (Renee and Wally), and her sister, Allie and they headed back to Florida.

That weekend was one of my most painful experiences.  I thought my heart was going to come out of my chest.  No matter what I tried, I could not lose a  picture of their goodbyes.

When I told Diane about it, she had a very simple response: Why didn't you call me?

I don't have the first clue why I didn't call.  It was as if there was a shroud of doom around me - and I could not get out of the trap - I was sad.

Never mind my memories of the day my parents left me in Dayton, Tennessee, and I looked forward to the excitement of learning and growing.

I did remember saying goodbye to each of my children.  But when  I look at all they have become since that time in their lives; all they learned and the opportunities they enjoyed,  I can almost forget the sadness. 

Once Abbie posted a photo of her dorm room, the sadness lifted a little, and when Renee texted they had crossed the Florida line, I was even better.

And then I remembered what a great time Renee and I had after Becca went to college and I was excited for what Renee and Allie have ahead of them.  That did not mean I didn't miss Becca and I can tell you when Renee left and it was just Tray and me there was more sadness.  As some people know, when Tray came home the first time, I cried and said: "Please don't go back."  He did.

We raise our children to be independent.  Then we are sad when that happens, but that's another blog.

So Abbie went to college, and her grandmother learned something.  Next time I have no doubt but that I will call a friend.  That, after all, is what they are for!

May your life be filled with enough sunshine

 to make you appreciate the shadows

Heavy traffic - Operator error

I was so excited.

My friend, Virginia and I were planning to meet for an early breakfast.

Our usual pattern is to meet once a week.  Vacation and other events had prevented that from happening.  It had been three weeks since we had a visit.

She had things to tell me.  I was ready to listen.

I, of course, always have something to tell.

Our scheduled time to meet - 6:30 AM.  Early riser that I am, this was not an issue.

I left my house at 6:10 for the 20 minute drive across the Buckman to "her" Panera's.  She lives in Orange Park and we always try to meet somewhere between my Mandarin house and hers.

There was an accident on the south side of the Buckman.  I made a mental note that by the time I headed back to Mandarin it would be cleared up.

I was sailing along when I suddenly realized I had missed the Blanding/Collins Road exit.  Oh well, I had time.  I'd just go to the next exit and turn around. That would be about 5 miles on 295. 

Remember that accident on the Buckman.

And wouldn't you know I did the exact same thing I had done earlier?

I missed the Blanding/Collins Road exit.

The clock was ticking.  Virginia's time frame meant she would need to leave at 7:45 AM.  It was 7:10.  Could she wait?  Should she wait?

The traffic continued at a snail's pace.

We finally decided we should reschedule.

I enjoyed a nice quiet breakfast at Cracker Barrel (by myself).  I had called the experience -Heavy traffic - operator error.  I thought of what this operator did to make an error.  Was I daydreaming?  Was I so sure about where I was going that I didn't concentrate?

Do I have too much on my plate?

Hum - that's a novel thought.

Bottom line -I decided not to pout.  I"m already working on that "too much on my plate" plan.

However, both Virginia and I truly believe that 'all things work together for good' and are now looking forward to finding a time to meet next week.

I'm still disappointed but I'm smiling.  Everything always has a way of working out!

May your life be filled with enough sunshine

 to make you appreciate the shadows

Would you be my friend?

I often use three words to describe who I am

My faith in Christ is at the center of my life.  One of my favorite songs (tied with "It is Well with my Soul") is "Great is Thy Faithfulness".  One of my grandaughters has the sweet name of Faith as her middle name.  I love this definition of Faith = forsaking all I trust Him.

I love being a daughter, a mother, a grandmother, a sister, a niece, an aunt and a cousin.  I consider myself blessed to have been raised in a Christian home with parents who didn't just send me to Sunday School but took me; who didn't just pray for me, but prayed with me and who remain a consistent example of caring for others.

And I love the fact that I have a plethora of friends - which is where my thoughts are today.

I don't look back on my childhood and teenage years as being a person who had a lot of friends.  I know that's hard to grasp if you know me very well today.  I was not confident.  I continually compared myself to others who were better looking, had more clothes or made better grades.  I didn't like myself so how could anyone like me!

Unfortunately, I was raised in a church where although the Bible was preached, so were all the things one didn't do if one was a Christian.  It made me afraid to have fun for fear I would break some rule.  I was a rule follower!

However, when I got to a Christian college, I relaxed.  Suddenly I was outgoing, friendly, maybe even a flirt. No maybe about that - I was and I am.

And now I have so many dear friends that I am hard pressed to tell you who my best friend is!

But here's one thing about my friends - they are all different.  I have very dear friends who are ardent Trump supporters -and some who are not.  I have friends who are Gators and some who are not = some are even Seminoles.  I have some who worry about their weight and some who don't. Some are happily married and some need to fine a way to be happily married or ... (that's meddling, sorry).

I have had good friendships that went sour and have had to fight to keep a couple friendships strong.  There have been times when I had to know when to walk away - with words of "I'll just keep praying for you".

Recently I was asked, "what's the secret of your having so many friends?"  I hope it's my faith.

A future homeowner stopped in to see how her house was coming along.  She had many questions and concerns and I listened.  I didn't really know her, but in time she was sharing her story (some tragic) with me  All I did was stand there and listen - asking questions and being interested in her responses.

The next day she was back in our office with a question "could we meet for lunch?".  I took that request as her saying "would you be my friend?"

We haven't found a good time to meet just yet, but we will.  I think I know why I have so many friends.  "A man who hath friends must show himself friendly" (Proverbs 18:24a).

May your life be filled with enough sunshine

 to make you appreciate the shadows

NOTE:  The words Faith, Family, and Friends hang on the wall of my bedroom.  They are the creation of my granddaughter, Allie Blain (https://www.letters4luv.com).

When the tables are turned

I was in the 7th grade.  Life was tough.  At least it seemed that way to me.

My sister, Cindy, and I each had chores that must be done on Saturday mornings before we could take our allowance and walk to the drug store on the highway.

Cindy was probably cleaning the bathrooms, and I was vacuuming and dusting.  I was in a nasty mood.  Something set me off, and I started to cry.

I don't often cry now so that may not be an easy thing for you to picture.

As I was vacuuming and crying and crying and vacuuming, my mother appeared in the den.

"What are you crying about?" she asked.

"You're the mother, you're supposed to know," I exclaimed.

Fast forward with me to 2018.  That same mother is now 95 years old.

And sometimes things are just not right in her world.

A few weeks ago, it was that her apartment wasn't "homey", then it was her hair, then she needed some new blouses.  So we took care of that.

Yet still it was if she was crying out to me - nothing seemed to make her feel better.

Until an afternoon when she was visiting me, and my neighbor stopped in for a visit.

The conversation thrilled her.  It was about the Holy Spirit, one of my mother's favorite topics.

And I was grateful that even though I didn't plan the conversation, one of her needs had been met.

My mother really depends on me to know what to do when things are going awry.  I'm the one who can call the doctor, talk to the nurse, take her to have her nails done, etc. etc. etc.

For so long, it was my mother encouraging me - always looking for a way to make me happy.

And now it's me who has the responsibility.  I do realize.  however, that try as I might, I cannot always make my mother happy.   In reality,  I had to find my own happiness, didn't I?

And so does my mother.  

While, as her principle caregiver, I am responsible for her safety,, my mother has to find her own happiness.  I'm pretty sure it comes when she allows the reality of the Holy Spirit in her life.

And now I've gone from preaching to meddling.  That's okay - she's been guilty of that in my life more than once.

It's just one of those times when the tables are turned.

May your life be filled with enough sunshine

to make you appreciate the shadows

Nothing

 I had just completed a diatribe of how my day had gone.

"I know I'm 'called' to care for my mother," I told the women in my prayer group.  "But I just get tired".

My friend, Holly, smiled at me with these words:  "What can we do to help?"

Nothing.

Why in the world is that a common response - when offered help?

I thought of that as I meditated on the fact that today is Maundy Thursday,  The name comes from "mandate of the 'new commandment'" that was given by Jesus.  It was the last time that Jesus would share a meal with His disciples.  At that Last Supper, Jesus washed his disciples’ feet and commanded them to love and serve one another as he had done when he washed their feet.  He even washed the feet of the one He knew was going to betray Him.

In my years as an Episcopalian, I have learned to love and appreciate liturgical worship.  I love the traditions that we follow from year to year. I always look forward to the Maundy Thursday service.

Except...I am great with washing someone else's feet, but not so great about someone doing the same for me.

The Lord Jesus, after he had supped with his disciples and
had washed their feet, said to them,

 "Do you know what I,

your Lord and Master, have done to you? 

I have given you an example,

 that you should do as I have done (from the Book of Common Prayer)

Hum.  I need a lesson in humility.

Tonight, someone else is going to wash my feet - they are doing it "as unto the Lord".

I'm also making a list of ways my friends can help me as I am in a stage in my life when I really need help.  I cannot do everything ...I must let my friends "do things as unto the Lord".

May your life be filled with enough sunshine
to make you appreciate the shadows

Not the way we planned it

March 12, 1923

Iva Louise was born to Ellie and Pauline Mercer Nesmith in Georgetown County, South Carolina.  She was the second child, first girl.  Four sisters, Thelma, Carolyn Ann, and Beth would follow her.  They would all be Rudoph's little sisters.  Before Carolyn's birth, the family relocated to Florida where Ellie went to work for Mason Lumber Company.

1929

The Nesmiths moved to South Jacksonville and began to attend the Methodist Church nearby. They met Ted and Lonnie Huffigham and were invited to Sunday dinner.

That's the first time my mother met my father.

August 5, 1942

Iva Louis and Earl were married.  He was a soldier boy and went off to war to be gone for almost four years.  Upon his return, they began their family.  I was born, then Cindy three and a half years later.  We had a fun life.  In 1959 their first son,  Jonathan was born.  Two years later, a second son, Lester completed the family.

For 67 years our parents celebrated their love for God, each other and their family.  By now that family numbers almost 40 and that's without the step-grands and greats.  And, of course, there are babies to come.

Spring 2018

We began to plan our mother's 95th birthday.  We decided to forego a big party.  We will wait for her 100th.

We did plan a family luncheon at Beach Road Chicken Dinner.  We thought we would have 35 with us to celebrate on the Sunday before her birthday.  Her sisters (Carolyn, Ann, and Beth are still with us) planned a nice luncheon on the actual anniversary of her birth.

All was set

Until my mother got cold on Sunday, March 4.  That led to a cough and a diagnosis of exacerbated Chronic Oxygen Pulmonary Disease (COPD).  She was admitted and spent five days at Baptist South.

And so the plans were changed

We will just reschedule the Beach Road Chicken Dinner extravaganza.  The sisters will have lunch another day.

The good that came out of this:

Four of 11 grandchildren enjoyed one on one visits.  Her sisters gave her a book that is about each of their relationships with her and a balloon.


That night her cousin, Evalyn came and they enjoyed face-timing with some of their South Carolina Nesmith cousins.

In one of her scrapbooks is a poem that her aunt Lila Newton gave her when daddy was on the way to the Pacific in World War II.  I'm not positive about the words, but I do know the concept is that sometimes the plans we make get rearranged and that God always has a better way.

Were we wrong to plan the celebration?  No

Did it all work out?  Well, she still had a birthday.

It was just not the way we planned.

By now, she is recovering well, back at home at Brookdale Mandarin and seems quite happy to be once more in her pretty apartment and with her good friends.  And we will start thinking about her 100th birthday.  It will be big.  We need a long time to plan it

May your life be filled with enough sunshine

 to make you appreciate the shadows

The wrong person

My mother and I were walking across the Stein Mart parking lot.  As is most always the case, I was more than a few steps ahead of her.

A young man, sitting in a wheelchair called out to me

"Could you buy me a sandwich?"

I shook my head  - no.

He was persistent.

"But I'm hungry", he said.

Sorry, I'm taking care of someone else, was my response.  I pointed to my mother, slowly making her way, her hands on her walker.

"But the Bible says you should take care of the poor and hungry", the man was persistant.

When I told him that I know what the Bible says he shot me a question.

"Then what does Philippians 4:13 say?"

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthened me".

The man shouted Hallelujah and wheeled himself on down the walkway.

When I related that store to my son, he said  "that guy chose the wrong person.  Did you tell him you had all afternoon if he wanted to suggest some other references?"

I'm sharing that story not because I think I'm some Bible scholar.  It's just that the Bible has been a part of my life - for well - all my life.

That night the key verse in our Bible study discussion was Joshua 1/8 -- It talks about the importance of knowing and meditating on God's word. 

When we know it, we can use it.  In times of sorrow, temptation, anger.  fear

47 years ago I had a cyst removed from my neck.  I was scared.  This was before babies and I had never had a broken bone or had a stitch.  As they wheeled me to the operating room, my mind talked with me with each turn of the wheel of the gurney.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart..."

Obviously, I survived that surgery plus many more opportunities to rely on Scripture verses that I have known since I was a child.

Yes, the guy asked the wrong person but fortunately, I had the right answer.