Do I really believe it?

   When I started writing this blog, more than three years ago now, I "named" it Sunshine and Shadows".
   That is because in my mind I've had my fair share of shadows.  BUT I wouldn't have the shadows without the sunshine.
   And where that really all came from was that when I was a senior in high school, the annual staff put these words by my picture - "She meets her trials with a smile and the shadows turn to light".
   That was half a century ago and when I have looked back on those years I can tell you - yep there were shadows.....
   Broken  promises, shattered dreams, issues that gave me major "cause for pause".
   But, as I have often said "the faith that had been instilled in me as a child" kept me ticking.

   Last Thursday I read a blog written by Paula Rhinehart, a speaker and author I enjoy.  As I read "The gentle art of reframing" I thought I do that.  I take lemons and make lemonade. The hook Rhinehart used was that  she wanted to share a bouquet of peonies with a friend and the friend refused them.
   Apparently  peonies draw ants and the beauty of the peonies wasn't worth the trouble.
   I continued to read and was smugly agreeing with her words.
   And then I reached for my recently filled coffee cup.
   The desk, the floor and yes the lap top - suddenly soaked
   Maybe it survived.
   Not a chance.
   Well, the lap top had served me well for more than 6 years.

   The last few days I 've spent much time acquainting myself with a new keyboard and some newer Office Suite programs.  There's still one little glitch with Quicken but eventually I'll get that one straightened out.  And there are really some neat things to appreciate.
   Although I don't really appreciate the fact that I had to spend money that I really didn't believe I had to spend
   So today I re-read that blog.
   Here's a sentence that I liked : "When you are reeling from disappointment and the thing you didn't want to happen has happened, remember that you know (because of all the other times something like this has happened to you) that God is in it." (italics are mine)

Is this a shadow? Well yeah - but the sun is still shining.

I think you might enjoy some of  another Paula's writings:
http://paularinehart.com/category/blog/

It's really about them. . .

Today is my 68th birthday.
Not a real significant birthday except for the fact that any birthday is significant.
But significant to WHOM?
I think significant to the persons who gave one life.
In my case, a boy who was born in St. Nicholas to Ted and Lonnie Huffingham early on a December morning in 1921 - and a girl who was born in Andrews, South Carolina to Ellie and Pauline Nesmith in the Spring of 1923.  This boy (Earl Ray Huffingham) and girl (Iva Louise Nesmith) would meet when he was 8 and she was 6 at the Spring Glen Methodist Church, grow up to become high school sweethearts, marry and have four children - me being their first.
I have often said I wish everyone could have them for parents but I wasn't willing to share them.
That does not mean that I think they were faultless as parents.  I'm a person who understands that none of us are perfect and would be a person who believes what it says in Romans "There is none righteous, no not one".
I do think they did what was right.  When I was growing up there was a little song we knew - "Don't send your kids to Sunday School, get out of bed and take em".  We had heard the Palermo brothers sing that song when we were in Minneapolis, Minnesota at a Gideon convention in 1957.  Even if we never had heard that song, my parents did that anyway.
When my first marriage failed in the early eighties and I was devastated, my parents helped me as I began to realign my life.
As each of my children went to college and married, my parents were supportive as I adjusted to empty nest.
They rejoiced with me when I fell in love with Rich Suhey and wept with me when he died.
And in 2005 when it was time for them to go to "Assisted Living", they accepted my invitation to come and fill my nest.  That gave me the opportunity to share many more memories with them before daddy died in 2009.
And now my mother is 92 plus and last night before I went to bed, I told her thanks for spending so many hours before noon on July 11, 1947 - laboring to birth a 9 lb, 15 oz baby - and more than that for helping me live the life I love!
It may be my birthday - but it's really about them!

What's that on your nose?

I am sometimes accused of being "nosey".
My answer is always that I am interested, not nosey.
And if my accuser can't give it up, then I just say "I'm a writer, I'm supposed to be nosey".
And if you happen to see me these days you can be the nosey one.  I expect you might say "what happened to your nose?"
It was a quiet morning and my first appointment of the day was at 9 AM.  There was plenty of time for a walk.  My mother was up and had started her breakfast.  This is something she does EVERY DAY.  I made sure she had her little alarm button around her neck and I had my cell phone in my pocket as I headed for a walk.
A walk that was interrupted when my toe and the dividing concrete on the sidewalk collided.
Suddenly without warning I was face down in from of Zaxby's.
I was not a happy camper as I pulled myself together and walked home.   And in case you are "nosey", yes I cried.
Fast forward one day
The mail held a cute card from my South Carolina family.
There was Snoopy in a little sports car ... The words on the front say "Sometimes life takes sudden turns. . ".and the inside inscription says "Without using its turn signal".  A verse of Scripture from Isaiah is included "The crooked placed shall be made straight and the rough places smooth" (Isaiah 40:4).
Man, I'd have liked it if that sidewalk had been smooth.
But it wasn't and my toe just happened to hit that rough place so that I have a huge strawberry on my knee and a skid mark right down the center of my nose.
And when I got home, I found that there had been a little issue with an egg and the microwave and a mother. 
Guess it's a good thing I fell.
And back to the card -
My life has taken a bit of a turn - even though I didn't really know where I was going.  I just knew that for the first time in my life I was experiencing what it's like not to have any responsibility and I was liking that.
But then life happened.
And it's just as clear to me as the nose on my face that this is all part of God's plan. 
Today my nose hurts and my knee hurts . I keep wondering did anyone see me when I was flat on my face...so I guess you'd say my pride hurts.
We aren't sure what direction my mother is going in.  We believe we know what's best for her and for me.  We just don't know when that will happen.
I do know that it will get better - because I believe those words from Scripture - the crooked places shall be made straight.

Fill it up

You have them and so do I.
   Some friends are so positive - it's easy to describe them saying their glass is HALF FULL. On the other hand (do I sound like Tevia?) some friends are not so positive - it's easy to describe them by saying their glass is HALF EMPTY.
   I'd must rather be the first wouldn't you?  And I certainly enjoy the company of those friends more than the latter.
   I was talking with my friend, Tamra and it sounded pretty much like my glass is half empty. She shared a new take on the old saying.
  "What matters most is that the glass is ALWAYS refillable",  she said.
  And that's what I really want.
  There are times when I am tired or sad or just  plain disappointed about the direction of my life.
   Sometimes I can get down right  - well - you get my drift without me using any profane description right?
   I remember a John W. Peterson song from so many years ago.  The name of it is Fill My Cup, Lord.
   Using the Woman at the Well as a resource, the song tells us that all of us are just like empty cups but that they can be filled - with God's love.  The last lines of the refrain say Fill my cup; fill it up and make me whole.
   I also remember one year when I had been feeling a little empty or blue and I heard my friend, John Nill sing Ho, Everyone Who is Thirsty based on some verses in Isaiah 55.  The last lines of that song give us hope.
          I will pour water on him that is thirsty, 
          I will pour floods upon the dry ground;
          Open your hearts for the gifts I am bringing; 
          While ye are seeking Me, I will be found.”
Hum - I just needed to be reminded.
My cup can be filled again!

Wrestling

     I love the account of Jacob's wrestling match with the angel as told in Genesis.
     Probably because I've had more than one of those experience in my life.
     Not with an angel, you understand.  But nights when I couldn't sleep because of choices.
     This week I had one of those nights.  I felt like I needed to make a choice.  I was being counseled from both sides.  I really was unsure about it all.
     And then from nowhere I remembered. . .
     It was the summer of 1964.  My high school boyfriend had lost his mother just months before and his father was trying to keep his little family of four together.  It had been a difficult spring.  And so the dad decided to take his family on a picnic - leaving early Sunday morning and spending the day at the beach. And would I like to go with them?  Well, sure.
     Except the plans included the fact that we would be going on a Sunday.
     I always went to Sunday School and Church on Sunday.  In fact, so did they.  I remember that night so well.  Talk about wrestling.  I agonized over the choice I had to make and finally determined that I should not miss church.  Truth be told, I am not sure that would still be my choice.  By now, I think I was being a bit legalistic.
      Fast forward to 2015, to the morning after my current wrestling experience.
      I had learned the day before of the passing of one of my favorite authors - Elisabeth Elliott.  Her husband, Jim, was one of five missionaries who were killed by the Auca Indians in the 50's. Elisabeth's book Through Gates of Splendor was an account of the massacre.  I appreciated their "love story" and the faith that she exemplified after the tragedy.
     A friend posted a list of Elizabeth's well known words and this one was especially meaningful to me.

"Today is mine. Tomorrow is none of my business. If I peer anxiously into the fog of the future, I will strain my spiritual eyes so that I will not see clearly what is required of me now.” Elizabeth Elliott (1926-2015). I posted that on Facebook, adding these words- My head gets it - I just have to be sure my heart does
     As I reviewed those words, I realized that I might be missing what I'm doing now because I am trying to figure out the future.  And the future is a FOG.  Who can see anything in the fog?
     Hum.
     And then I learned that the decision that I was wrestling with - was not really mine to make.

    All that needless, restless wrestling - Will I ever learn?

But I didn't

One of my daily rituals is to read a few devotionals.  When I read these words last week, I thought, "this sounds like something I wrote".  But I didn't.
     "'If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.' 2 Corinthians 1:6 (New International Version NIV).
     During my journey of battling a chronic disease, I have had several dear friends tell me that God must love me a lot because He doesn't allow someone to go through the kinds of adversity I have experienced unless He has a special calling on my life    "The depth and width of your faith experiences are directly proportional to your calling." What were these men of God saying?
     I believe there is a process of preparation that God takes each of His leaders through when He plans to use them in significant ways. A "faith experience" is a time in your life where you see God moving in your life. It is an unmistakable event in which God shows Himself to you.
     If God has plans of using you in the lives of many others, you can expect that He is going to allow certain faith experiences to come into your life in order to build a foundation that will be solid. That foundation is what you will be able to look back on to keep you faithful to Him in the times of testing. Each of us must have personal faith experiences in which we experience God personally so that we can move in faith to whatever He may call us."
     That devotional was written by my friend, Ron Allen.
     54 years ago, my cousin Bonnie Smith who has been my dear friend ALL my life and I were on a train on the way to Capital Teen Convention in Washington, DC.  It was a Youth for Christ sponsored trip.  Ronnie Allen was also on that trip.
     As I remember it, he was not as excited to be there as Bonnie and I were.  However, it turned out to be a good thing - our being on that trip - for that was when Ron Allen came into our lives.
     He came into Bonnie's right much more than he did mine as they began to date - and were married in 1968 and for many years we have  shared joys and sorrows, laughter, tears - life's ups and downs.  I very much appreciate their faith walk, their generosity and their constant availability to serve God by serving others.  I also appreciate the way they have handled Ron's illness that has been a part of their lives for almost 14 years.
     They have handled it with grace and a never waving faith in the fact that God has a plan.  They have been an excellent example.
     More than once in my life, I have thought things were going in one direction when it seemed my path was changed in mid stream.  I've had one of those faith experiences Ron mentions.  Sometimes I change course easily, sometimes I fight it tooth and toenail.  I've never had physical suffering; I've not be diagnosed with a terminal illness.  I've just had some huge disappointments.
     BUT always, and again I say ALWAYS... the change works out for the best. 
      
     

Open Arms

I read it in a devotion book. 
"We hold our children with open arms"
Sounds like a good concept.
Not so easy to do.
As each of my children reached adulthood and left the nest, I was glad.
I was also sad.
We had been a great team.
Actually they had been a great team.  I often say that the thing that kept us going when we became a single parent family was that they had a strong sibling support system.  They still do.
But back to the team, I got to be a part of that team. Sometimes I even got to be the captain.
And,  truth by told, sometimes I wish I could be on the team again.  Not as the captain, honest.
However . . . now they all have a team of their own.  That's the way it's supposed to be.  By the time I married Rich Suhey all three of my children were grown - Becca and Renee had both finished college and were married.  Tray was on the way to both milestones.  I would complain that they didn't need me anymore and Rich would ever so gently remind me
They have become what you wanted them to be - Independent.
Hum - I must have learned something from that devotion book - and hopefully I still practice it although sometimes I'd still like to gather them up like a mother hen and keep them from ever getting hurt.
Only thing that's different is that now I have three extra children (Dale, Wally and Kristen) who I wish I could protect. And then of course. . .
There was that night, 15 years ago.
My son-in-law, Wally, called.  They were on their way to St. Joseph's Hospital in Tampa.
Becca and Dale and Tray and I wasted no time - Renee was about to give birth.
I remember that I told Tray that our family was going to be different.
Different and exciting and fun. I think I was right - and it's been true six more times.
And just as I do for my children and their mates, I have to hold Amazing, Awesome, Glowing, Terrific, Effervescent, Caring and Radiant. . .
"with open arms".