Time to Re-Purpose

It's been on my bookshelf for more than 20 years.

I thought of using its title as the "name" for this blog, but it's very long

How to Survive the Loss of a Love.  I would, of course, have to rename it.

How to survive the Loss of your Mother

Okay, I'm not an authority.  My mother has been gone for a very short time.  

And my losing her is a bit different.  I actually began to lose her about ten years ago - when we learned there were signs of dementia.  Fortunately, it was not until the last year or so that those same signs were evident. Sometimes if she didn't know what I was talking about, I could keep talking (or in our case writing on a whiteboard) and she would say something that let me know she remembered.

So I lost part of her way back but now I've lost the RESPONSIBILITY for my mother part of my life.

We learned that my dad had an incurable disease 20 years ago this summer.  That was a life-altering experience.  From then on I became my mother's person.

And now - that's in my past - my not too distant past - that's true.  But it's time for me to regroup - and I'm not at all sure how that's going to work out.

This has not been a normal time for me.  One week past my mother's death, I tested positive for Covid.  And even if I had not been ill (I thought I might die before I got better), I have no wheels at the moment so I couldn't go anywhere.  I felt TRAPPED.

Not just emotionally, but also physically.

As I began to recover, I felt unsettled.  So I wrote thank you notes.  Then I didn't have enough stamps (even though a sweet friend had included a book of stamps in a sympathy card).  I texted another friend and ask if she could make a Publix run that included stamps.

AMAZING.  I felt so much better once those thank you notes were in the mail.

I have had some time this week to catch up on an  Anne Voskamp Bible study, WAYMAKER.  As I watched, Session 4, I had an epiphany.  Anne spoke of the fact that we often have a default direction which means when something is awry our tendency is to turn to a negative solution.  And as she continued my thoughts turned to a positive way to deal with what I was feeling.  

I was sad.  I was a bit confused.  I was grumpy.

And then I found myself being a bit creative.     This is an expression of sympathy from my high school friends.  I wanted to continue to enjoy it - but could find no place where it "fit". 

So I re-purposed it  

Do I think these will survive?  Maybe not.  One thing I did not inherit was my mother's ability with plants and flowers.  

As I have said It's a good thing I can write a little.

And how am I surviving the loss of my mother?  I'm finishing a task and I am being creative. 

 I'll let you know as I find more ways to re-purpose.

May your life have enough sunshine   

To make you appreciate the shadows