Thanks...

Memorial Day, 2021

     I remember something called Decoration Day.  People wore poppies to remember fallen soldiers.  I think that's a holdover from the Civil War.  I was surprised to read recently that the first observance of the day as a Federal holiday was on May 31, 1971.  That's half a century ago.  And through the years we have now extended the day to honor all soldiers who died in American wars.

     Some people think it's a reason for a picnic.  It is the first holiday of summer, part of a three-day weekend and there are almost always great sales.  I was reminded recently that is a solemn day - not one for celebration.  I have red and blue shirts with stars -- that for the fourth of July.  Today - just a red, white and blue outfit. 

     "We are the last generation to appreciate what Memorial Day means," said a woman I met as we both walked through the Mandarin Cemetery this morning.

     That may be true.

     However - at least some of us are still recognizing its value.

    

      I especially appreciated this flag I saw towering over State Road 13 on Sunday, May 30.  I liked it so much that I stopped and took a photo to send to my son who is out of town this weekend.  Later in the day when my friend and I were out for a drive, I insisted that we go across the Julington Creek Bridge so he could see it.

     I felt like I should send whoever has is hanging there a thank you note.

     I know I need to write a thank-you note to those mothers, wives, children, siblings, and friends who lost a loved one in one of our wars.  Most of my friends had an uncle who died in WWII.  Those were our parents' peers.  Many of us at least have contact with someone who died in Viet Nam. And some of us have someone who died in Iraq or Afghanistan. 

     One of my favorite little boys during the '90s was Nathan Clemons.  He was a fine young man who proudly served his country and unfortunately lost his life in that endeavor.  I'll never forget his daddy at his memorial service as a tribute to Nathan came to a close "That's my son."

     And although my dad, my son, and my nephews all came home from their time serving, there's one thing I can thank them for.  They honored (and still honor) the flag!  When Rich Suhey died, my dad insisted that his casket be covered with an American Flag.  When I moved into this house 22 years ago, my dad purchased and hung a flag.  

    When that flag was finally too mildewed and worn, I purchased a new one.  

    If there is one thing my daddy taught me - it's to be thankful for my country - and honor its flag.  Thanks, Daddy.  

     And thanks to Sandy Arpen, Bob Nay, and Joe Walsh for spending a few hours on Saturday to place the flags in our Cemetery.

May your life be filled with enough Sunshine 

to make you appreciate the Shadow

Grandma's Hands

 I wasn't there.

I've just heard about it.

If my grandma, Iva Pauline Mercer Nesmith had a favorite grandchild, it wasn't me.  No doubt she loved me.  

    *When I married Ray Parker and the reception was going to be in my grandparents' home, she planted yellow dahlias in the yard that could be seen from the dining room windows.

    *When I had surgery in 1971 just a few weeks before her death, she spent the afternoon with me at Baptist Hospital.

    *She was one of the reasons I thought I should be a minister's wife.  She had the gift of helps and hospitality that I felt I also had.

However, I never could work quite fast enough for her.  My little sister, Cindy was that grandchild.

And so it was when grandma lay near death, it was Cindy, who sat by her bed and talked to her about her hands - the hands that had cared for the sick fed the hungry, and welcomed so many who needed encouragement into her home.

It was just before 9 AM on Thursday, May 20, 1971.  My mother and her sisters stood by the bedside, my granddaddy kissed her - and Grandma went from here to there (as Granddaddy who believed so much in Heaven) used to say.

Almost my first question as I heard the news about her passing was pretty selfish.  

"Did she know I'm pregnant? "

Yes, and she was delighted.

But those hands would never hold my baby.

I got something better.  On the day that would have been grandma Nesmith's 70th birthday, my mother became a grandma! 

Rebecca Lynn Parker was born at 4:53 on Friday, November 26. 

Someone far greater than any of us had a HAND in that! 

Tears??? You must be kidding

 I was frustrated, no I was perturbed.  Okay, truth be told, I was angry.

Now I have taken lots of steps - prayerful steps - to help with anger.

I was pretty proud of myself recently as I said to a friend, "it's been a long time since I was mad".

What was I upset about?  My Bellsouth email has been inoperable.  No matter what I tried - or asked the professionals to help with - including my awesome connection to Southern Bell - Bellsouth - AT& T brother-in-law, Robert - I just couldn't get it to work.

So I walked away from my laptop and decided to watch a recorded episode (note to my granddaughters - aren't you glad I didn't say I taped it?) of The Good Doctor.

It included the story of a woman who wanted to die and another who suffered a miscarriage.

The anger subsided.  That emotion was replaced with sorrow.

And I began to weep.

Guess what - I don't usually have tears.  People close to me have died.  I miss my Tampa daughter so much, but I can leave her without tears.  There's something about dry eye.  I am old enough for that!

Okay, I do have something to cry about.  My children's dad - who was my college sweetheart and the person I thought was the answer to my desire to become a pastor's wife - is now under Hospice care.

All of the memories of all the years came rushing into my heart -- and spilling down my cheeks. 

Earlier in the day, I had recounted some of the memories with a friend.  As one might expect, they are not just happy memories.  They are the shadows.

I said, "I just hate it that he's going to die."

"Paula, everyone is going to die sooner or later."

Yes, but. . .

I just never dreamed that it was going to have this effect on me. 

I've lost the love of my life (with all due respect to my first husband), my dad, a dear great-niece, my brother, but somehow this is different.

I know that Ray Parker knows he's going to be with Jesus - his parents, grandparents, even the little baby boy that we lost in 1973.  

And I  know that weeping is an acceptable form of grief.  But you know I just don't cry!  I'd rather laugh.

Losing someone we shared a life with is painful.  

I believe that my life today is one that is enriched with family, friends, and opportunities to put my faith into practice.  Those are the sunshine.

And somehow I feel that a part of me is passing and I'm sad.

One of my gifts is compassion when someone loses a loved one.  I always tell them it's okay to cry. 

I guess I'll need to be willing to take my own advice.  Besides as the old gospel song says, "Tears are a language that God understands."

May your life be filled with enough Sunshine 

to make you appreciate the Shadow

A Mother's Day conversation with myself

Mother's Day - 2021

This is my 49th Mother's Day.

I found out that I was pregnant with Becca - 50 years ago on May 10 - the Monday after Mother's Day in 1971.

The conversation between me and the doctor has stayed in my head.  That was back in the day before women always took a home pregnancy test and basically knew they were "with child" long before they were seen by an Obstetrician.

"You are definitely pregnant," were Dr. Jones' words.

"Is it fun to have a baby?", I asked.  What a dumb question, Paula

"It's exciting," was his response.

Hum.  He was right. 'Course he left out words like challenging,, exhausting and somewhat frightening.

This baby was coming at a very difficult time in my life.  

Turns out I really needed a friend - someone to talk to.  I lived in a rural area of Tennessee.  My mother, my sister, and my closest friends lived in Florida.  From that day that I learned there was a baby in my belly, I talked to her (I just always thought my baby was a little girl).  She became my confidant.  That's a lot to put on a baby Paula.

But she brought me so much joy and happiness, I had no trouble being willing to have more babies.

For almost 49 years I have had this card my mother sent to Becca.  You really should give it to Becca, Paula.

These are the words that her grandma sent to her - that all these years later have  proven to be true:

"You won't always see only good in your mother for she is human,"   Boy, that was a true statement.

But as you mature into womanhood you'll accept and love her more I hope that's true

Especially when you have your own little girl."

Mother also wrote of Becca's heritage.  She comes from a long line of strong, Christ-honoring mothers.

Becca never got to meet her grandma's mama. Pauline Mercer Nesmith.  She died just ten days after I learned that I was pregnant - seven months before Becca was born on November 26  - that would have been my Grandma Nesmith's 70th birthday.

I understand that my great-grandma, Marianna Michau Mercer prayed for her children. I am sure that Grandma Nesmith prayed for hers and I'm just one of four children who appreciate the fact that our  mother prayed for us to love God and enjoy him forever (Her favorite words from the Presbyterian Catechism).  I did the same.  And thankfully I am seeing my children follow in our footsteps.

I recently spent 48 hours with Becca, her sister, Renee, and their children.  During that time I saw how my mother's words have become true in my daughters' lives.   

Yes, Dr. Jones - it's fun to have a baby.

And worth the challenges, exhaustion, and fear that comes with it!

Thanks be to God.

May your life be filled with enough Sunshine 

to make you appreciate the Shadow

   

 

Our mother said. . .

   What's your best memory of your mother?  That's a question that is oft-repeated as Mother's Day draws nearer.  My siblings and I and our children have heard the words of Iva Louise Nesmith Huffingham again and again.  We think that what we remember most is the things she said.

 . . . delayed obedience is disobedience

        . . . what's down in the well comes up in the bucket

            . . . sitting that close to a boy will put a crease in his slacks

                . . .your body changes after 11 p.m.

    She was diligent to insure that we were fed, clothed, churched, and educated.  She was never the fun mom.  Everything had a purpose.  If you slept past 7 half the day was gone.  

    As a grandmother, she remained serious.  I don't know that any of our children remember funny things she said or did.

    Oh, there was that one time when she put some sort of color on her hair.  This attempt was on a Saturday night.  It didn't work so she tried desperately to get it out.  She thought she had been successful until the next morning at church when she was the object of great entertainment, at least in her grandsons' opinion.  Her hair was purple. 

    As she has aged, she's still remained very serious.  UNTIL. . .

    Cindy and I were visiting and she began to tell us about this man that "if she was going to have a special friend it was this man whose name is George".  She told us that she had followed him around as he wheeled through the halls - both of them in their wheelchairs.  That in itself was cause for us to smile.

    But when she said "they have a hard time getting him out of the bed," we were aghast.

    I was bold.  I wrote on the whiteboard that we use for communication.  "So are you the kind of friends who share a bed?"

    "ABSOLUTELY NOT", she exclaimed and all three of us enjoyed a hearty laugh.

    Another day she was talking about her funeral, and the fact that she needs to lose weight or they will be stuffing her in the coffin.  We assured her that her weight is fine.  

    She told us that they can split the back of the dress if it's too tight.  Then she asked about her black patent leather shoes.  We told her she won't need shoes in a coffin and she said that was good because I could put them in my closet with all the shoes I own.  She said I needed a pair of shoes about like Robert needs another cap.  I do have a lot of shoes, but we don't know where she got anything about Robert and caps.  Lester and Tray are the cap wearers.

    My point in this is that we enjoy visiting her when she's cracking jokes.  That's a part of her personality we have never seen and we appreciate the opportunity to laugh with her.

    We do know that she has always loved to entertain - and be the center of attention.  She's told us many times about the day she showed her panties to Grandma Nesmith's ladies luncheon.  

    Maybe she really is returning to her childhood.  She is after all, 98 years of age (which she can always remember - even when other facts are fuzzy.)

    Lester and Jennifer, Cindy and Robert, and I are going to see her on Mother's Day. We wonder if she'll ask Lester and Jen about the movies they've been in on the Hallmark channel.  

   Who knows what she might say to us --- I expect we will all listen - and add her words - silly or not - to our memory bank.

And there's one more thing we've heard again and again 

Romans 8:28 is still in the book!

And we will always say -

                                                                 "that's what our mother said."

May your life be filled with enough Sunshine 

to make you appreciate the Shadow