Except I've been having some trouble finding mine recently. Now if you know me very well you know that I smile a lot and more than that I laugh a lot.
When I saw my dear friend, Keith Holland, recently I noticed that something didn't seem quite right with him. I told him his eyes looked like my heart felt. He later told me a couple of sad things that had happened to him.
Watching my mother come to the end of her life on earth; fully understanding that she has a better life ahead because of the faith she has in Jesus Christ - has caused an empty feeling in my spirit.
I have said - we are losing her more mentally but she is fairly strong physically. She is, after all 96 years and 4 months old. She is fine spiritually - and we lost her emotionally some time ago.
An interesting part of our lives these days is that when we visit her all she seems to do is smile.
I'm sorry that she is missing a tooth and sometimes she has said that she knows Keith can fix it. That doesn't seem like a viable option at this time. However - this picture of them is one memory that makes me smile. Although it's quite a serious conversation - they usually make each other smile!
I heard she was happy to see a former Sunday school teacher and even asked about his wife.
A photo of a visit from her sisters Ann and Carolyn and her niece Ellie and Ellie's children Scott and Lucy showed her smiling.
When I go to visit her I am always hopeful that she will be happy to see me. She was better at that on Friday. She even asked me if I could spend the night. Sometimes she makes me laugh.
I've remembered various songs "Smile when your heart is breaking"; "Give the World a Smile"; and after an hour of Googling:
"Smile a while and give your face a rest;
Raise your hand to the one who loves you best;
Then shake hands with one nearby;
Greet him with a smile".
When we were sad, or nervous or something wasn't going our way - she always thought that if we just smiled, we would feel better. which I am telling you makes the fact that I don't feel very SMILEY Face these days - makes me feel even worse.
Does she know I am sad? Who knows?
And what am I to do about this? I cannot change the fact that our mother's time on earth is dwindling The Days of Her Life are coming to an end. It is most likely not tomorrow, but surely closer than we will be ready for.
I recently read a scripture verse that is helping me It's from The Message: Psalm 34:8
"Look at Him who gives you your warmest smile. Never hide your feelings from Him"
HUM - God knows what's in my heart and you know what I think He understands that I am sad.
SO I'm going to keep smiling - even when I don't really have a smile to share!
May your life be filled with enough Sunshine
to make you appreciate the Shadows
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