Attitude Adjustment

The Ear, Nose and Throat doctor threw me for a loop.

"Your mother has the wrong kind of hearing aids"

What?

We have been working on her inability to hear for so many years.  It has been a long and arduous process - certainly for her - but also for those of us who have something to say.

I guess others in addition to me have something to say.

At any rate, I made the earliest appointment available with our regular audiologist and I told my mother about it; put it on her calendar and arranged my Monday around that appointment.

For the past few weeks I have endeavored to find opportunities for mother to get out a bit and this weekend I decided to take her to my church for the late Sunday afternoon service.

As we left, my mother began to weep.  Through her tears she asked, "How much money do I have?  Can we save for the hearing aids the doctor suggested."

She was so upset that she hadn't been able to hear our pastor's sermon.

She had forgotten that we have an appointment today.  I had not forgotten and I got angry.

I mean banging my hands on the steering wheel angry.

We arrived at her home with me trying to explain to her that I have a plan...first see our regular audiologist - then go from there.

I left her talking with one of her friends - probably telling the woman that I was really cranky.

She would be right.

After a night of tossing and turning, I woke up to these words - "Now unto Him who is able to keep you from falling. . .".  I found the rest of the Scripture in Jude.  I read the words preceding those - and two words jumped off the page at me - "Have compassion".

Oh me.  I'm supposed to be the compassionate one.  I genuinely care about others.  I hadn't been showing my mother much compassion.  She cannot help it that her hearing has failed.

I also cannot help it that sometimes the responsibility of being a caregiver gets heavy, discouraging.

I knew the plan.  But she has missed it.  She is, after all, going to be 96 in a few months.

So this morning = having waked up feeling pretty irritated with the whole situation, I have accepted the fact that I needed an attitude adjustment.

Let's see how long I can accept this is sunshine rather than feel like I am in the shadows!

                           May your life  be filled with enough Sunshine...

                               ...to make you appreciate the Shadows

You're never fully dressed. . .

Okay, I admit it.  I knew you thought it anyway.

Carly Simon's song is about me.  You know the one - "You're so vain, I bet you think this song is about you. . .".

When it comes to my children, my grandchildren, my hair and my teeth....Yep -  I'm so vain.

So it should come as no surprise to you that I spend lots of money on my hair (I like it salt and pepper).  AND over the past few months, as I noticed my used to be pretty teeth were beginning to look a bit uneven and had gaps...I started investigating.

I asked my dentist friend, Keith, about them.  I did some research.  I learned that the aging process can result in crowding of lower teeth.  I also learned that my lack of trips to visit a hygienist had resulted in deposits of plaque and made my lower teeth uneven.  That I learned when I bit the bullet and made an appointment with Dr. Larry Burnside, a Mandarin dentist, a few months ago.

He was very kind as he outlined a plan.  I could have some work done.  Oh me, I needed cosmetic dental work.

While I may be vain, I am also quite pragmatic.  Did I want to spend money that way?  I promise you - I thought, I prayed, I agonized.  And it really wasn't that much money.  It's just that I had to decide - my teeth or a new kitchen floor.

That's the back story.

I was in Dr. Burnside's chair recently and kept my eyes closed as he worked on my mouth.

But when I opened my eyes, I could see a smile under the mask of his assistant, Holly, who happens to be one of my dearest friends. She was so excited as she watched the transformation that was happening in my mouth.

Holly's mother, Shiela, is in Heaven now.  I could tell you lots of things about the two of them.  Theirs is a sweet story of love and forgiveness.  I think the story is one of the reasons that today - Holly has a beautiful smile.  And it is fortunate for me, who is old enough to be Holly's mother, that she gives me some of the love she misses being able to give to her mother.

There's just something about forgiveness and love - and allowing Jesus's love to show through us.

Sometimes that's a bit difficult to do.  I've said it many times in recent days - "The trouble with life is that it is so daily" (that's not original, but I don't know where I heard it). The struggles that we all face each day - from traffic to paying bills to caregiving.

My smile is a little better now - I just have to make sure I am also smiling on the inside.  Besides, "you're never fully dressed without a smile."

                                      May your life be filled with enough Sunshine...

                               ...to make you appreciate the Shadows

"The touch of the Master's Hand"

This print hangs in my kitchen.

It holds some of my daddy's favorite words.  He loved to memorize and quote poetry, and this one, from the pen of Myra Brooks Welch, was a favorite.  It's the story of an old beat up violin that was being auctioned.  No one wanted it until a man stepped forward, took the instrument and its bow and began to play.  And then the bidding went high, higher and highest!

Of course, the value of the violin increased because of the music that came when a Master took the bow to its strings.

We all loved it when daddy quoted a poem or scripture or sang a line or two from a song from his youth.

This is the week that we remember what to me might be  the most precious experience of my life....when the pain got unbearable and daddy called for a nurse, when I gently encouraged him that the medicine that I was placing inside his mouth was to help him relax, when his minister, Rev. Kevin Pound repeated the words of the 23rd Psalm and put the name Earl in rather than saying "MY" and daddy's sweet spirit just sort of wafted out the window to dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

There are four children and three spouses of those children, 11 grandchildren and 7 spouses of those grandchildren and 17 great-grandchildren, who in addition to the love of his life, Iva Lou, sisters, brothers in law, nieces, nephews, and many friends  - miss him still.

We all miss different parts of him....Gator football; golf, Gospel music, and the fact that he really understood that he had a better life because he gave his life to Christ as a young man.

I thought of him this week when I read these words in a devotional, Practicing His Presence which is a compilation of some letters written by Brother Lawrence and Frank Laubach,  a missionary to the Philippines.

Laubach wrote that he had a mind bent to explore and to respond to Christ as a violin responds to the bow of the Master.  

I think that's what my daddy did - I believe he knew the value of the Master's hand on his life - and we all are better for it!

            May your life be filled with enough Sunshine...

                                ...to make you appreciate the Shadows

"Call a friend"

The television show, "Who wants to be a millionaire?" featured "Call a friend".  That gave the contestant the opportunity to call someone for help when they were unsure of the answer to the question

I thought of that recently when I realized that I should have done that - "call a friend."

I was telling my friend, Diane, about the prior weekend.

My first grandchild, Abbie, has now gone to college.  She has a heart that is bent toward following what she believes to be God's plan for her life.  I not only embrace that for my own life but heartily support this in hers.  Abbie is a freshman at Cedarville Christian University.  She is 11 hours from home.

As I think any grandmother might do, when she was making her decision about college, I asked if she realized how far away she was going to be.  She knew that and said "don't you think it's time for me to grow up?" and I determined then and there to never say another word about her being way up north.

So it was that the weekend before I was lunching with Diane, had been the time Abbie said goodbye to her parents (Renee and Wally), and her sister, Allie and they headed back to Florida.

That weekend was one of my most painful experiences.  I thought my heart was going to come out of my chest.  No matter what I tried, I could not lose a  picture of their goodbyes.

When I told Diane about it, she had a very simple response: Why didn't you call me?

I don't have the first clue why I didn't call.  It was as if there was a shroud of doom around me - and I could not get out of the trap - I was sad.

Never mind my memories of the day my parents left me in Dayton, Tennessee, and I looked forward to the excitement of learning and growing.

I did remember saying goodbye to each of my children.  But when  I look at all they have become since that time in their lives; all they learned and the opportunities they enjoyed,  I can almost forget the sadness. 

Once Abbie posted a photo of her dorm room, the sadness lifted a little, and when Renee texted they had crossed the Florida line, I was even better.

And then I remembered what a great time Renee and I had after Becca went to college and I was excited for what Renee and Allie have ahead of them.  That did not mean I didn't miss Becca and I can tell you when Renee left and it was just Tray and me there was more sadness.  As some people know, when Tray came home the first time, I cried and said: "Please don't go back."  He did.

We raise our children to be independent.  Then we are sad when that happens, but that's another blog.

So Abbie went to college, and her grandmother learned something.  Next time I have no doubt but that I will call a friend.  That, after all, is what they are for!

May your life be filled with enough sunshine

 to make you appreciate the shadows

Heavy traffic - Operator error

I was so excited.

My friend, Virginia and I were planning to meet for an early breakfast.

Our usual pattern is to meet once a week.  Vacation and other events had prevented that from happening.  It had been three weeks since we had a visit.

She had things to tell me.  I was ready to listen.

I, of course, always have something to tell.

Our scheduled time to meet - 6:30 AM.  Early riser that I am, this was not an issue.

I left my house at 6:10 for the 20 minute drive across the Buckman to "her" Panera's.  She lives in Orange Park and we always try to meet somewhere between my Mandarin house and hers.

There was an accident on the south side of the Buckman.  I made a mental note that by the time I headed back to Mandarin it would be cleared up.

I was sailing along when I suddenly realized I had missed the Blanding/Collins Road exit.  Oh well, I had time.  I'd just go to the next exit and turn around. That would be about 5 miles on 295. 

Remember that accident on the Buckman.

And wouldn't you know I did the exact same thing I had done earlier?

I missed the Blanding/Collins Road exit.

The clock was ticking.  Virginia's time frame meant she would need to leave at 7:45 AM.  It was 7:10.  Could she wait?  Should she wait?

The traffic continued at a snail's pace.

We finally decided we should reschedule.

I enjoyed a nice quiet breakfast at Cracker Barrel (by myself).  I had called the experience -Heavy traffic - operator error.  I thought of what this operator did to make an error.  Was I daydreaming?  Was I so sure about where I was going that I didn't concentrate?

Do I have too much on my plate?

Hum - that's a novel thought.

Bottom line -I decided not to pout.  I"m already working on that "too much on my plate" plan.

However, both Virginia and I truly believe that 'all things work together for good' and are now looking forward to finding a time to meet next week.

I'm still disappointed but I'm smiling.  Everything always has a way of working out!

May your life be filled with enough sunshine

 to make you appreciate the shadows

Would you be my friend?

I often use three words to describe who I am

My faith in Christ is at the center of my life.  One of my favorite songs (tied with "It is Well with my Soul") is "Great is Thy Faithfulness".  One of my grandaughters has the sweet name of Faith as her middle name.  I love this definition of Faith = forsaking all I trust Him.

I love being a daughter, a mother, a grandmother, a sister, a niece, an aunt and a cousin.  I consider myself blessed to have been raised in a Christian home with parents who didn't just send me to Sunday School but took me; who didn't just pray for me, but prayed with me and who remain a consistent example of caring for others.

And I love the fact that I have a plethora of friends - which is where my thoughts are today.

I don't look back on my childhood and teenage years as being a person who had a lot of friends.  I know that's hard to grasp if you know me very well today.  I was not confident.  I continually compared myself to others who were better looking, had more clothes or made better grades.  I didn't like myself so how could anyone like me!

Unfortunately, I was raised in a church where although the Bible was preached, so were all the things one didn't do if one was a Christian.  It made me afraid to have fun for fear I would break some rule.  I was a rule follower!

However, when I got to a Christian college, I relaxed.  Suddenly I was outgoing, friendly, maybe even a flirt. No maybe about that - I was and I am.

And now I have so many dear friends that I am hard pressed to tell you who my best friend is!

But here's one thing about my friends - they are all different.  I have very dear friends who are ardent Trump supporters -and some who are not.  I have friends who are Gators and some who are not = some are even Seminoles.  I have some who worry about their weight and some who don't. Some are happily married and some need to fine a way to be happily married or ... (that's meddling, sorry).

I have had good friendships that went sour and have had to fight to keep a couple friendships strong.  There have been times when I had to know when to walk away - with words of "I'll just keep praying for you".

Recently I was asked, "what's the secret of your having so many friends?"  I hope it's my faith.

A future homeowner stopped in to see how her house was coming along.  She had many questions and concerns and I listened.  I didn't really know her, but in time she was sharing her story (some tragic) with me  All I did was stand there and listen - asking questions and being interested in her responses.

The next day she was back in our office with a question "could we meet for lunch?".  I took that request as her saying "would you be my friend?"

We haven't found a good time to meet just yet, but we will.  I think I know why I have so many friends.  "A man who hath friends must show himself friendly" (Proverbs 18:24a).

May your life be filled with enough sunshine

 to make you appreciate the shadows

NOTE:  The words Faith, Family, and Friends hang on the wall of my bedroom.  They are the creation of my granddaughter, Allie Blain (https://www.letters4luv.com).

When the tables are turned

I was in the 7th grade.  Life was tough.  At least it seemed that way to me.

My sister, Cindy, and I each had chores that must be done on Saturday mornings before we could take our allowance and walk to the drug store on the highway.

Cindy was probably cleaning the bathrooms, and I was vacuuming and dusting.  I was in a nasty mood.  Something set me off, and I started to cry.

I don't often cry now so that may not be an easy thing for you to picture.

As I was vacuuming and crying and crying and vacuuming, my mother appeared in the den.

"What are you crying about?" she asked.

"You're the mother, you're supposed to know," I exclaimed.

Fast forward with me to 2018.  That same mother is now 95 years old.

And sometimes things are just not right in her world.

A few weeks ago, it was that her apartment wasn't "homey", then it was her hair, then she needed some new blouses.  So we took care of that.

Yet still it was if she was crying out to me - nothing seemed to make her feel better.

Until an afternoon when she was visiting me, and my neighbor stopped in for a visit.

The conversation thrilled her.  It was about the Holy Spirit, one of my mother's favorite topics.

And I was grateful that even though I didn't plan the conversation, one of her needs had been met.

My mother really depends on me to know what to do when things are going awry.  I'm the one who can call the doctor, talk to the nurse, take her to have her nails done, etc. etc. etc.

For so long, it was my mother encouraging me - always looking for a way to make me happy.

And now it's me who has the responsibility.  I do realize.  however, that try as I might, I cannot always make my mother happy.   In reality,  I had to find my own happiness, didn't I?

And so does my mother.  

While, as her principle caregiver, I am responsible for her safety,, my mother has to find her own happiness.  I'm pretty sure it comes when she allows the reality of the Holy Spirit in her life.

And now I've gone from preaching to meddling.  That's okay - she's been guilty of that in my life more than once.

It's just one of those times when the tables are turned.

May your life be filled with enough sunshine

to make you appreciate the shadows