'fraidy Cat

I probably have some of the same fears that most people do....snakes, wasps, things that go bump in the night. . .escalators.

What you are not afraid of an escalator?

I vaguely remember a fall down some stairs when I was a very young child.  It seems like there was a tricycle involved.  I cannot remember the details.

I just know that for as long as I can remember I have been very unsure of myself when coming down steps.

And you let those steps be electronically operated - real, sincere FEAR!

My family and friends have seen me walk a long way in search of stairs  - to avoid an escalator.

So - I recently was enjoying grandchild #5 (my little effervescent) at the Avenue's Mall.  We had parked on the second level, visited two of her selected stores and were looking for another when I saw it - on the lower level so we walked down the steps.

I told her I don't like escalators.

There were two more places she wanted to go - one back on the second level and the other - we were not sure.

So I suggested that we go into Penney's and take the elevator up.  I'll never forget her words as the door opened and she saw a caution sign on the floor - loose tile.

"Grandma I'm afraid of an elevator".

I assured her it was safe and she need not be afraid.

We were soon back in the mall and still looking for that one more place when I spotted it -- DOWN STAIRS

Okay, we would just walk to the stairs and walk back.

Except I had just told her not to be afraid.

You guessed it - that's what she said to me.

"Come on, Grandma, you don't need to be afraid.  It will be all right... I'll help you:'

Only once we got there, little Miss Effervescent was on the escalator - on her way down  and grandma "FROZE".

Fortunately a nice young man (and what seemed to be a huge crowd of onlookers) saw my angst.

He was very helpful and took my arm as we made our descent.

So now my granddaughter and I have a plan.

She's going to work on elevators - and me -- oh help - I'm going to master the escalator

"When I get really afraid I come to you (God) in trust" (Psalm  56:3 The Message)

May your life be filled with enough sunshine

to make you appreciate the shadows!

Say or Do

"Don't just say what you do....do what you say".

I've heard those words forever!
I'm not that good at following them.

However. . .

Recently I observed someone very close to me - observing quiet time.  I don't think she knew I was watching but I was (sorry if I seem like a stalker).

I actually thought she was a consistent, never miss, quiet time participant.

(Now for those who don't know - "quite time is the time when a person reads and meditates on Scripture and prays).

Later she told me how over the past few months, she has been getting up early and seems to have developed a pattern.

HUM.

So, following what I saw her do, I went to the bookstore to see if I could find a devotion book that I could use - to see if I could become more consistent.

Now a disclaimer.  I have known that I should do this since I was in high school and truth be told I usually read a few different devotionals each day.  And I've seen my mother have a quite time as long as I can remember.

And now a confession.  I was not a Beth Moore fan - for a long time.  I thought she seemed arrogant when I heard her speak the first time, tried a Beth Moore Bible Study a few years ago that didn't work for me - and really have only recently begun to appreciate her as I am in a small group Bible study where we all can interact - listening and sharing.

And so it was - that I saw the book, Whispers of Hope" (Beth Moore).  I have loved the same titled song for many years so I picked it up.  I picked it up - and saw that it's a 40 day study.  Apparently there's something about becoming consistent if you do something for 40 days (note how many diets are telling you - do it for 40 days and you'll be amazed).

Today is my 17th day and it's great.  One thing that works for me is that I am writing - like a journal - but it has a form, not just all the thoughts I have which are usually quite scattered.

So the purpose of my words - Do what I do....take some time each day...medicate and pray!

May your life be filled with enough sunshine

to make you appreciate the shadows!

Pushing 70

I think he started saying it when he was 70 years old.  That was 25 years ago.


Each year, the day after my daddy's birthday, he would tell us that he was pushing the next number.  He had been  "pushing" 88 for nine moths when he died on September 16, 2009.   He was happy to be his age, it's just something he did.


Earlier this week I celebrated my 69th birthday.


As that day was fast approaching I began to think about being 69.  One thing just kept coming back to my thoughts - my maternal grandmother died when she was 69.


She seemed much older then than I do now.


I'm also healthier.


But still - she was 69 and a half years old.


My mother was 48 when she lost her mother.  All of my siblings and I are way beyond that. We feel fortunate that we still have our sweet and feisty mother.  She prefers sweet.


As we shared my birthday lunch, I began to lament  the fact that I am now 69 - that if daddy were here he would tell me that I'm pushing 70.


Mother interrupted,


"And your mother is 93".


I started to rethink my attitude. My daddy's mother lived to be 90; my mother's daddy lived to be 97 and like she said "my mother is 93".


Hum.


And then there were the words of my youngest granddaughter, a  radiant 8 year old.

"Grandma you look really good for your age!"

Hum.


For a long time I was 60+.  That really has to now be 70-.


I thought about what has happened to me in my sixties -- I've had a slew of part time jobs where I've made wonderful friends,  Four grandchildren were added to our family (remember that three came in one fell swoop).  I became a published writer and figured out the best way to care for our mother through connections I had because of one of those part time jobs.


So what's next?


Read more, exercise more, learn more, play more, love more


Oh and of course - Write more - which of course - I hope you will read - And until the next time my words hit your screen,

May your life be filled with enough sunshine
to make you appreciate the shadows!

What was lost...is found

If I lose it, usually I find it.

Sometimes it takes longer than I wanted, but most of the time, just when I least expect it - the item I have lost shows up.

And it doesn't just happen to me...it happens to my sweet mother.

Her latest visit to the Baptist South included me looking in her purse for her wallet and not finding it.

That wallet was "lost" for a month.  We feared it had been stolen, Had that happened the thief would have garnered one dollar and some change and medical cards, a Social Security card and an identification card - oh and the list of medicines she takes and maybe her emergency contacts.

The wallet showed up in a different purse.  She had forgotten that she changed purses the week before we took her to the hospital.

We were delighted - mostly that it hadn't been stolen.

That was a good find but a better one was when she lost her hearing aide remote control that helps her hear what she needs and tone out what she doesn't need - the noise in a crowd.

That one was an expensive loss.

But like others, it showed up just when we least expected it.

Yesterday I looked for some extra keys and found the extra garage door opener I had been missing for a few days.  I also found the keys.

AND today - weeks after I had lost it - I found the link to my blog.

So once more I can write.

And, dear reader, aren't you the lucky one?

And aren't I sarcastic?

Lots of changes have occurred in my life since I last posted on April 16.  Two puppies added to our family - and one dog is gone.  I have a new job where although the builder boys in my family think I'm exaggerating, I am learning to build a house.   And most of all, I am still loving and appreciating the life I have.

As I have often said I think this is my mantra.

Thanks for reading . . .and may your life be filled with enough sunshine to make you appreciate the shadows!

Pray, Paula, Pray

She was five and I was eight.

As was our normal way of living, she was outside playing and I was inside reading a book.

The front door opened with wails of "pray, Paula, pray -- I just know it's broken."

My little sister, Cindy, had fallen off her bike.

And so it was that the two of us began a lifetime of saying to each other "Pray...Pray...I just know it's 'whatever current calamity was in either of our lives.'

I thought of that as I waited for the doctor to return with the results of an X-Ray of my left foot.  The injury is a week old.  I should have gone to the doctor six days ago.  But you see I just had so much responsibility...

And if it were broken what then?  At first I felt frightened and then I realized what I really felt was discouragement.

And then I remembered this: 

 

My yard is a mess (and I am not exaggerating).  Every time I plan to work in it, I have something that seems more important and I think okay I'll do this...later.

 

But these lilies are a constant reminder of a verse I've been relying on since I was a child. "Consider the lilies of the field, how they toil and spin" from Luke 12.  That passage goes on to say that no one really tends to them, they just grow.  And that's sort of what's been happening to my lilies.

 

Even though I haven't taken time to work in what has been in years past a really pretty little garden, those lilies are a reminder to me to keep seeking God FIRST and trusting Him to put the pieces of my life in order.

 

If I've heard it once, I've heard it a thousand times...when are you going to slow down?

 

I really don't want to slow down.

 

But this weekend as I sit with my foot propped up, in a lovely black boot and know that an orthopedic visit looms...

 

I have to "consider the lilies"and know that I'm really not in control...nor do I want to be...honest.

 

Oh and by the way...even though I prayed as she asked...Cindy's arm was broken.

 

"...But God meant it for good"

"It kept me out of the National Honor Society".

I listened as my son, Tray, was remembering when he was in the 11th grade and a disagreement with a teacher about an assignment was the culprit that made his GPA just shy of the necessary requirements.

I started to lament the situation.  It was my  fault; I should have gone to bat for him; I should -- I should - I should.

This was not about me.

Hum.

I listened some more.

"It was probably a good thing, Mom". 

Tray went on to say that he is glad his life has had what seemed at the time to be bad things because if they hadn't happened, then he wouldn't be where he is today - especially with regard to his lovely wife, Kristen and their daughters.

For the past few days I have been reading excerpts from, Great Days with the Great Lives by Chuck Swindoll - with a focus on the Biblical account of the life of Joseph. 

As I reflected on our conversation I thought of the words that Joseph had for his brothers - those men who sold him into slavery and told their father, Jacob, his chosen son was dead.  Years had passed, Joseph had been promoted to a place of honor when his brothers needed grain.  Their reunion resulted in their lament...and Joseph told them "you meant it for evil, but God meant it for good" (Genesis 50:20).

So many times in my life I have been faced with some sort of tragedy - if not tragedy things that caused me to fear, worry, sorrow.

And yet I know that all those things happened for a reason - and if they hadn't happened then I  might have missed what happened instead - and more than that - my children might have missed what happened instead and I think they would agree...

"...But God meant it for good!"

Say you're sorry

Am I the only one?

It seems that more and more - my mouth is getting ahead of my brain and the words that come tumbling out are not so nice.

Well, maybe not horrible - but smart - well you get it.

And I keep having to go back to the hearer and apologize for my rude lack of good manners.

It's not that I don't know better.  I was taught those tests - "is it true, is it kind, is it necessary?" And hopefully I taught that principle to my children.

That - and to "say you're sorry".

But somehow the older I get, the more times I am being called out (from within my spirit) to say I'm sorry.  The old fashioned way to say this would be that I have been convicted - or to put some other words around it - become aware that I have done something that was wrong, as we say in the confession - " the things that I have done...".

And USUALLY it's because I SAID something unnecessary or unkind. 

In our Lenten series we are focusing on Justice and Mercy.

If those people that I've had to apologize to in recent days were being just they might not forgive me; however, in most cases I've been viewed mercifully and the person I've been rude or unkind to has been quick to accept my apology.

You will note that I said most cases.*

I actually think that if I would practice "thinking before I speak" I might not have to say I'm sorry quite as often.

*Note to self:  sometimes no matter what you do, what you say, how many times you reach out and ask for forgiveness, the person you have hurt just can't ...accept.  Take advice from the words of the English poet, Alexander Pope -

"To err is human; to forgive divine" which has been expanded by English scholars to mean that while anyone can make a mistake, we should do what God does...show mercy and forgive.

Or as my mother always taught us "It's not how others ACT, it's how we REACT".  I cannot control the heart of the person I hurt.  All I can say is that

I'm sorry!