Untangling the mess

 I have lots of good Halloween memories...

....from my childhood, I especially remember the year I was too old to go trick or treat.  Donned in one of my mother's  black dresses and a witch's hat, I served witches brew (lemonade) from an old black cauldron to the many children of Sans Souci.

...from my memory bank of my children's Halloween experiences, I especially remember Tray when he was a senior in high school. He was late coming home from his job at Ace Hardware and knocked on the door with the words "trick or treat."  He was, of course, a helpful hardware man.

And each year I look forward to a visit from some precious trick or treaters who call me grandma.

My favorite Halloween, however, has nothing to do with trick or treat.

Or does it?

Rich Suhey had always wanted a boat.  His mother passed away in the summer of 1997. There was some extra money from the sale of her house.

And so it was that on a Friday afternoon which also happened to be Halloween, we drove to the Julington Creek Marina and picked up the Manatee.  Rich was like a little boy in a candy shop.  It took us about four hours to make it back to where the boat would be moored at Colonial Point but that was okay.  We were having so much fun!

What a treat!

We were enjoying our first experience on the water when the engine began to spurt and sputter and make a grinding noise.  And then we realized we were stuck.

Now, Rich Suhey knew all things about cars and engines. So I assumed he knew all things about boats.  Besides, we both had certificates from the Coast Guard's safe boating course.

Was this a trick???

Fortunately, a seasoned fisherman came by.

"You are caught in a crab trap."

Not to worry, he could help us.  And he did.

It's been 19 years since that experience. Sometimes I feel like the boat's propeller's looked that day as the mechanic freed it from the mangled wire of a crab trap.  Life can make me feel bogged down, stuck, a MESS.

But fortunately, I have a Mechanic who can make the mess a message.  I just have to put my faith and trust in Him.

May your life be filled with enough sunshine

to make you appreciate the shadows

Bless this Mess

They're everywhere.

Piles of leaves and branches.  Separated from the source of life, they have lost their color.  No longer pretty and in a word - messy.

Maybe you've read this little idiom - God can make a testimony out of a test  and a message out of a mess.  Or look at the first four letters in the name Messiah - same concept.

You're looking for a Pollyanna approach - right?  You want me to tell you how beautiful this is, don't you?,

Sorry, I haven't come to see that as yet.  Maybe sometimes...but not as long as there is this mess in my back yard.

You see the way I figure it; my mess can wait. The people in my life who can relieve me of the mess are busy with their "customers."  And that's the way they are feeding their families.

So what am I to do?

If I had a chainsaw...

But I don't.

It falls my lot to wait.  My words are negative.

I'm really looking for positive.

Surely it's there - somewhere.

It's a mess; there is no doubt about that.  And for days I thought - no harm, no foul.  Just ugly.

Until. . .

In September I started the process of refinancing my house.  One of the goals is to remove  and replace the worn and weathered siding in my 17-year-old dwelling.

All was going well.   Six weeks ago it got an A+ when the appraiser looked at it.

And then Matthew paid a visit.

So the bank sent a second appraiser who - according to a licensed builder contractor who knows my house well - saw something that has been an issue for 10 years.

There is absolutely no damage.  Except in the appraiser's eyes.

And now I wait - you know that's not my favorite thing to do.

See, I told you - it's a mess.So what's my point?  I have learned that some things are a cause for pause in my life.   If I know it's going to make me sad, disgusted or could be the breeding ground to get me into trouble, I try to avoid it.

Or in this case, I don't have to open the back door!

I'll let you know when I find the message in the mess!  It's just around the bend!

May your life be filled with enough sunshine

to make you appreciate the shadows

O Ye of Little Faith

These are my neighbors.  I don't know any of their names.

Thursday, October 6 - The media and elected officials told us to prepare. Matthew was coming.

Brookdale Mandarin, the Assisted Living Facility that is home to our mother, ensured us of a generator, water, and any medical help required,  With our mother's agreement, my family and I determined that Brookdale was the best place for her.

In fact, my children thought I should go and stay with her rather than in my home.

Friday, October 7 -  We watched and waited.  Newscasters told us of winds, rain, bridges. The mayor and the governor warned us. And by and by, the wind and the rain were here.

I heard a crash around 3:30 and looked out my back door to see that a couple of trees had landed on my deck.  I was not the least bit concerned.

Nightfall came, the wind and rain continued.  I never lost power. Two filing projects that  had plagued me for weeks were completed. I also finished reading one book and started another.

You might say I was quite confident at daybreak and remained that way as the sun began to fill the sky. Assessing the damage, I noted that no elves had come to remove the trees or repair the rail. Still shattered - with branches, leaves, and vines adorning the well-weathered wood   And that's in the back of my house.

The front was not that different.  Leaves, branches, and trees were on the ground.  And across Paddle Boat Lane.  There would be no leaving anytime soon.

My cell phone rang.

A nurse at Brookdale Mandarin told me that my mother had fallen during the night but that she was okay.  There was an issue at Brookdale, however.  They had no power.

Panic.

Both my brother and I telephoned and talked with mother's suite mat, Sally. They are an interesting pair. My mother's issue is hearing, and hers is sight.  Sally told us that mother was fine.

My children were not content with that information.  I learned that my son was on his way over there.

And then I heard it.

Chain saws.

And I saw it.  Smiling neighbors with rakes and garbage bags.

It was what we used to call a Kodak moment.

I wasted no time taking my leave.  I later told them why I left without helping.

So do you get why I am feeling a bit chastised this morning?

I'm  not sure my children believed that either me or my mother were going to be okay during the storm and I KNOW that I never dreamed that my exit out of my development would be passable that quickly.

And how many times have I asked myself if she would have fallen if I had been there?  Never mind the fact that the fall was very minor and that she is not hurt!

And how about the guilt I feel that I didn't help when my neighbors were clearing the way.

Hum - me - the writer who touts herself as a person of FAITH.

Did I learn my lesson?

May your life be filled with enough sunshine

to make you appreciate the shadows

"'Til the Storm passes by"

I love it when  something reminds me of a song.  It you know me very well at all, you know that happens all the time.

Like most Northeastern Floridians I am spending today watching the sky.  From my kitchen window, I see branches, leaves and moss swaying in the breeze.  Every now and then rain splashes on the walkway.  It's a dreary, but gentle sight.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not just daydreaming.  I've done my due diligence in preparation for the storm that is on the way.  I have gas in my car, cash in my pocketbook, a thermos for coffee and my bathtub is filled with water.

Unless the Gulf stream waters push Matthew further out to sea our area will be the object of that hurricane's power.

Which brings me to the song.

It has been more than 40 years since I first heard:

"In the dark of the midnight, have I oft hid my face
 While the storm howls above me and there's no hiding place.
'Mid the crash of the thunder, Precious Lord, hear my cry
"Keep me safe til the storm passes by".

The chorus goes on

"Til the storm passes over, til the thunder sounds no more, Till the clouds roll forever from the sky; Hold me fast last me stand in the hollow of they hand...Keep me safe till the storm passes by."
("Till the storm passes by" - Mosie Lister)

HUM - did I mention that today is so dreary? Or that there's a tall oak tree in the next yard that night not withstand the winds, or am I far enough from the river so that no flood waters will effect me and how long will we be without power ?

This morning I read a devotion called "God is in the clouds".  It was written by Tracie Mills and it's a part of the Real Life Devotional Bible for Women which is published by  Proverbs 31 ministry.

Her words were related to the cloud that positioned itself over the tabernacle where the Israelites worshiped as they were wandering 40 years in the wilderness.  Talk about feeling bleak and unsure about their future. ( For more about this you can read the book of Exodus).

To paraphrase Ms Mills - Sometimes there are clouds all around us (this day the whole sky seems to be a cloud) so we think there is no sunshine but there really is....we just can't see it.

So what am I to do?

Believe God is present and He will guide me ... no matter how dark the skies are today!  That's finding sunshine (I know that sun is there some place) in spite of shadows,

Give the world a smile

Southern Gospel is one of my favorite musical genres.  I recently heard an old quartette rendition of a song called "Give the world a smile" and it made me think about the value of - a smile.

One of my regular "pamperers" was doing what she does best.  As she worked on my nails, she was singing.  She seemed happy.  I know enough about her life to know that there are many reasons that she should not be happy.  

I didn't say anything, but after a few minutes she looked up and said "It makes me feel better when I sing" and I thought  - she found her smile.

Having been where she is...I can tell you ...sometimes it's hard to find one!

However, as the saying goes - Smile and the world smiles with you - Frown, and you frown alone.

I've been thinking about smiles this week and wondering. . .

What makes you smile?

I doubt it's frogs or squirrels.

I know  - neither are particularly attractive but they have been known to make me smile. 

Dr. Keith Holland is a Jacksonville dentist who led an expedition into the depths of the St. Johns in the late 80's in search of what remained of the Maple Leaf, the Yankee cargo ship that had been torpedoed by the Confederate army near the end of the Civil War.  A celebration of the 150th anniversary of that event brought the divers to the Mandarin Museum and they have been so well-received that thy come back once a month with tales of their adventure to share with visitors.

It was on one of those visits to the museum that I met two baby squirrels that Keith was nursing.  I watched as Keith cared for them. To be honest, I had thought him to be rather gruff, but it was fun to see his part of his personality.

I was mesmerized by the care he offered those squirrels.  
And he became my friend.

Now this year - it's frogs.  The same ones that are showing up in many Mandarin yards and parks and along the roadsides in this part of Duval County  And I am happy to say that the creator of those frogs is my friend.

And as it happens, he wants to remain anonymous. He is a Mandarin resident and a member of a family that's been here since 1785.

"I just want people to smile," he said when asked why he got so involved in this project.

"And, it gives me a smile," he continued.

For several months now, the frogs have been available "FOR SALE" at the Mandarin Museum and Historical Society on Saturdays.

I was there on a weekday as a part of my responsibilities as the Volunteer Coordinator.  A woman came to the door and wanted a frog.

I politely said, "you need to come when the Museum is open." Her face made me think of a child who hears no more ice cream or candy.  Of course, I welcomed her into the Museum and took her money.  

Money - now there's something that is making the Museum's Board of Directors happy.  The frogman doesn't want one penny of the money.  

It all goes to the museum.  What a great fundraiser!

Florida Times Union columnist, Mark Woods, was at the Museum this week and wrote a story about this phenomenon that has invaded Mandarin. Channel Four sent a reporter to do a story.  People are curious .

Do frogs have anything to do with the purpose of the Museum?  Well, no.

But curious people come for a frog and have the opportunity to learn so much about Mandarin's history - from Harriett Beecher Stowe to that ship that lies on the bottom of the river near the museum - - to the only remaining one-room schoolhouse in Duval County - not to mention enjoy a great park.

And I happen to know that most Saturdays from 9 AM - 4 PM one will most likely find the Frogman - smiling.

I don't really like squirrels or frogs.

I do like smiles and the people that make that happen.  You know what they say "you're never fully dressed without one."

"I'd do it all again"

"I figured out a way I'm like you," my son, Tray, told me.

"I'm a "rememberer."

Yep - that's right.  Tray remembers everything, just like his mama.

That's not a surprise to you, is it?  I not only remember, but I am also always happy to share every detail of the memory.

That has been evident this week as I have shared memories of my daddy who died on this date in 2009.

Another thing about me (that you already know) is that one of the ways I deal with emotion is through taking my thoughts and putting them into words and then on a computer screen, .etc. etc. etc.

And so it is that this week I have been remembering and talking about those memories.

Reviewing scrapbooks and photo album has been a great experience for me.

In 1999 my parents asked for my help in putting their story together so that their children and those who come behind us have the knowledge of who they were. The title of the project is "From the Roots, the Tree Blossoms."   By this time there are more than fifty of us (children, marriages, grandchildren and their mates and great grandchildren plus the ones who came to us by way of second marriages).  The book included stories and events including a statement daddy made at their 50th wedding anniversary.

"I would like for these words to be on my marker when I die," he said.

"I'd do it all again."

Daddy died just a month after their 67th wedding anniversary.

That afternoon as he lay dying, the Rev. Kevin Pound, my parents' minister, stood by daddy's bedside and personalized the 23rd Psalm as he prayed.  He said things like "We know you are Earl's shepherd, that you have prepared a table for Earl and that Earl with dwell with you in the house of the Lord forever."

That touched our mother. She forgot what daddy wanted to have on his marker.  She had these words engraved..."Dwelling in the House of the Lord forever".

Please don't misunderstand me.  It was mother's privilege to make that choice.

However, I believe his words are a  precious complement (to our mother - to us - and our children), but more than that I think what a blessing he was to us.  He always had a peppermint in his pocket, a song when we were down, and a dollar when we needed it.  He loved to be our "sugar daddy."

I think my brother, Lester's words sum it all up best:

"I always knew he loved reminding me that he had done something for me. He really was the biblical example of what God the Father is to us."

As one of the branches - I can say without reservation --

I'm glad he did it the FIRST time.

May your life be filled with enough sunshine

to make you appreciate the shadows

Mom's worried

This is what's left of my silver service.  Over the years I've had many more pieces.  Some came from my Grandma Nesmith, some from my paternal grandmother who we called Grandma Lonnie and some from my mother.

If my children had visited me on a recent afternoon they would have said "Mom's worried."   It was a sure sign when they were growing up. Cleaning the silver meant that something was amiss in their mother's world.

However, that day I  cleaned the silver because it was dirty and sadly the years have taken such a toll that even the greatest amount of Wright's silver polish and elbow grease did hardly anything.  One reason could be that I no longer use the old-fashioned methods but now put the silver into a premade liquid that works - sort of.

Earlier that week I was having a conversation with my mother about the difficulties of change even thought we hopefully grow through it.

I reminded her of some of the times that I was in great turmoil and felt like my prayers were bouncing off the ceiling.

Many years ago when my marriage to Ray Parker was first showing signs of trouble, I spent what seems to have been a night that lasted 24 hours struggling with the unrest and pain that I was feeling. My friend, Eileen Felten, had counseled me.  I wasn't sure that anything she said might work.

However I kept praying  and it was as if an angel came and sat on my bed and told me that if I didn't love Ray, God loved him and He would love him through me. Later that year our first child was born and by the end of 1977 we had two more bundles of joy.

Many people know of the difficult delivery and first months of our son, Tray's life and how once again an angel came and told me that it was okay to love my baby. If God took him, he would give me the strength to bear that sorrow.

I honestly believe those times were growth times.  But I reminded my mother that I'm still waiting for an angel's visit regarding the loss of Rich Suhey and that's been almost 18 years ago.

There have been other trying times - and through those times, I know that God has been with me.

For a current example -

I learned that I was no longer needed on a temporary assignment that I really liked.Not to mention the fact that I like that deposit showing up in my bank account each week.  While I was shocked - I am not undone.

And although I cleaned the silver that afternoon I am not worried.

I truly believe that Romans 8:28 applies to me!  Which is why I can end this blog with the image that hangs by my desk.

No angels needed - this time :)

May your life be filled with enough sunshine

to make you appreciate the shadows