Say you're sorry

Am I the only one?

It seems that more and more - my mouth is getting ahead of my brain and the words that come tumbling out are not so nice.

Well, maybe not horrible - but smart - well you get it.

And I keep having to go back to the hearer and apologize for my rude lack of good manners.

It's not that I don't know better.  I was taught those tests - "is it true, is it kind, is it necessary?" And hopefully I taught that principle to my children.

That - and to "say you're sorry".

But somehow the older I get, the more times I am being called out (from within my spirit) to say I'm sorry.  The old fashioned way to say this would be that I have been convicted - or to put some other words around it - become aware that I have done something that was wrong, as we say in the confession - " the things that I have done...".

And USUALLY it's because I SAID something unnecessary or unkind. 

In our Lenten series we are focusing on Justice and Mercy.

If those people that I've had to apologize to in recent days were being just they might not forgive me; however, in most cases I've been viewed mercifully and the person I've been rude or unkind to has been quick to accept my apology.

You will note that I said most cases.*

I actually think that if I would practice "thinking before I speak" I might not have to say I'm sorry quite as often.

*Note to self:  sometimes no matter what you do, what you say, how many times you reach out and ask for forgiveness, the person you have hurt just can't ...accept.  Take advice from the words of the English poet, Alexander Pope -

"To err is human; to forgive divine" which has been expanded by English scholars to mean that while anyone can make a mistake, we should do what God does...show mercy and forgive.

Or as my mother always taught us "It's not how others ACT, it's how we REACT".  I cannot control the heart of the person I hurt.  All I can say is that

I'm sorry!

His dream came true

Not history; nor mystery.

In other words - don't concentrate on either the past or the future so much that you cannot appreciate today. 

I not only appreciate that concept, I often share it as advice!

EXCEPT - some times those memories are so precious that I am not willing to let them go.

That's the case today - as the 58th Daytona 500 is underway.

July 1996

"You've heard of the Daytona 500, right?"

Of course I had heard of the Daytona 500.  I am a native Floridian.  I was in the sixth grade when the first Daytona was run and that was just one more of the sports my daddy followed.

"Well, yeah".

But the next question was -

"Would you like to go with me to the race?"

That was a new one.  No one had ever asked me that kind of question.

Sure....

Before that event, Rich Suhey took me to the Daytona 500 racetrack.  He told me how exciting it would be to hear the voice of the announcer say "Gentlemen, start your engines", and about how he had heard that the cars sounded like a train as they came in front of the stands.  He could hardly wait for Feburary 16th to arrive.

This was one of those things that Rich had dreamed about his whole life.

Me?  I never imagined even remotely that I would ever be sitting in a grandstand on a February Sunday - watching race cars.  I knew exactly where it was; but I certainly had never thought I would be a spectator.

Who knew?

I found this in my scrapbook as I was remembering.

I was there with Rich when one of his dreams came true. 

The next year he had fallen asleep and I was studying as the race was about to end. 

I realized that Dale Earnhart was about to win.  I have always been glad that I woke him up.

Those two Daytona 500's were the only ones we would share. And yet all these years later, that race has some significance for me.

Not so much that I would want to find myself in the stands...but just enough to make me sure I have my television on so that I can hear those famous words..."Drivers start your engines".

On second thought...Maybe I would like to go again.

He knew my name

My life was in a state of disarray.

The life that Rich Suhey and I had planned was not going to happen.  I was a 51 year old widow who had been married to the man who I believed to be the love of my life for just 8 months when he was suddenly snatched away.  It was a very difficult time.

When I reflect on those days, I know that I could not have survived without the love of my family and friends and my faith.

I also know that I needed to be a part of a Christian community of faith.  Worship and service had been a part of who I am since I was a child.

Rich had introduced me to liturgical worship and I often found myself at St. Paul's Episcopal Church in those early days. 

On the first Sunday of Lent in 1999 I completed the card in the pew and asked for a call from the Rector.

And so it was that on Tuesday, February 16, my phone rang an the voice on the other end was the Rev. Rick Westberry, St. Paul's Rector.

We chatted and I said I planned to attend the Lenten Simple Supper Series that would begin the next night.  The program would be videos by Tony Campalo and I always liked him.

I'll never forget that night.  I was seated at a table when Father Rick walked into the room - and said "Hello Paula".

How did he know my name?  Well, no doubt it was Rich's Vistakon jacket that gave him a clue -- and yet it meant so much to me. 

That "knowing my name" thing was very special.

As I thought of how special I did some research in Scripture and using the words "knew my name" I found some words from Isaiah 43 that resonated to my state of being in 1999 and even today.  This is from The Message

 ^1-4 But now, God’s Message,

    the God who made you in the first place, Jacob,

    the One who got you started, Israel:

“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.

    I’ve called your name. You’re mine.

When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.

    When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.

When you’re between a rock and a hard place,

    it won’t be a dead end—

Because I am God, your personal God,

He knows my name.

Amen.

I'm giving up...

I confess that there have been times that I have thought "I should give up Valentine's Day for Lent".

But this morning I read a great post on Facebook: 

A special Happy Valentine's Blessing for all my "uncoupled" friends who are blessed by many friendships ... And by the God of love!

Now I should be honest - this year I do have a date for Valentine's.  But there have been many years that "no date" was the case.

By now, I've had several very special valentines - from my daddy to my high school sweetheart, my college sweetheart who became my husband and the father of my dearest valentines - Becca, Renee and Tray who gave me Amazing, Awesome, Glowing, Terrific, Effervescent, Caring and Radiant- each one my favorite grandchild who loves me back!

I have also learned that Valentine's is not just about having a significant other,  In fact one does not have to be in a couple to appreciate Valentine's Day.

Valentine's is about loving and giving. 

I don't know where I first saw this but I have read that "Jesus is our Valentine" and I've seen those acrostics on Facebook that use the letters from the word Valentine to work their way through John 3:16. 

My favorite definition of love is that it is "willing the best for the beloved".

Beloved - that's a word that came from Heaven when God was speaking of Jesus, His only Son - the one He gave to us - the world He loves.

There are those words again - gave and love.  

So I'm not giving up Valentine's Day for Lent...In fact I'm not giving up anything.

"I surrender all"

Becca was six and Renee was three  Our living room had been rearranged and now included the child sized chairs from the small table in their room.  There was an aisle.  Becca stood at one end of the room and Renee was walking through the chairs, dabbing her eyes.

"What are you doing?" this busy mother of a newborn asked.

"We are playing church and this is the invitation", said Becca who was apparently playing the role of the minister as a repentant Renee made her way to the altar.

More than 38 years later, I found myself listening as music from the piano filled the atrium at Brookdale Mandarin on Ash Wednesday.  So were many of the residents - especially one African American woman who sat waiting to see the nurse. Not only was she humming along - she was harmonizing.

"I Surrender All".  I well remember that song often used at an an invitation hymn at the close of a service.

I uttered a few words:  "Hard to do sometime isn't it?" And with tears in her eyes - she simply smiled! For me, this was a great beginning to Lent...

 

Lent is fairly new observance for me.  Since I did not grow up in a liturgical church I have known only that Lent is the time you give something up.

New is less than 20 years. 

And yet in those 20 years I have come to appreciate Ash Wednesday and Lent.  I understand that giving up something is a part - but also dedicating oneself to do something positive for others or yourself.  You might give up Facebook, coffee or dessert OR you might serve at a soup kitchen, gather clothes for those who need them, write a love letter (or even one asking for forgiveness).

Over the next 40 days I am going to share some things I've learned to appreciate about this season beginning with this prayer which is a part of the Ash Wednesday liturgy:
 

The first Christians observed with great  devotion the days of our Lord's passion and resurrection, and it became the custom of the Church to prepare for them by a  season of penitence and fasting. This season of Lent provided  a time in which converts to the faith were prepared for Holy  Baptism. It was also a time when those who, because of notorious sins, had been separated from the body of the faithful  were reconciled by penitence and forgiveness, and restored to  the fellowship of the Church. Thereby, the whole congregation was put in mind of the message of pardon and absolution set  forth in the Gospel of our Savior, and of the need which all Christians continually have to renew their repentance and faith.

No invitation hymn necessary.



                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        


 

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Shadows - Good or Bad???

"It's a shame they are visiting when it's so cold", my sister lamented as we talked about a visit from some of our cousins.

"They think it's warm", was my response.

That's because they live in Washington, DC where snow is still covering the ground.

We've had a strange winter, don't you think? 

My friend, George, who is the master gardener at  the Mandarin Museum showed me the winter garden that is really not yeilding.

"Not cold enough", he said.

It is only within the last ten days or so that all the leaves from the three trees I can view from my office window have fallen to the ground.

Not a very pretty sight is it?

And yet - I know - that soon those branches will have tiny buds that turn into leaves and the trees will become shade from the hot sun.

Or - how about a shadow...

I usually think of shadows as something less than inviting...I'd rather have sunshine...that is unblocked.
 
However I recently read a devotional that put the word shadow in a whole new light.

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty (Psalm 91:1).

A shadow is both good and bad the devotional's  author told us.  Could be the threat of a storm, could be someone lurking in the shadows who is positioned to harm.  The Psalmist speaks of the shadow of death and that scares us - since we want to live and we don't know exactly what the shadow entails.

However, according to Psalm 91:1, a shadow is good when God blocks out harm. When God is your Shadow that means He’s near and He’s protecting you.

The trees outside my office window currently allow the sun to shine its light through the branches.  This is good...but then when the leaves provide shade or even a shadow...that will be good as well.

It just goes to show me that it is important to appreciate - both the sunshine and the shadow!