Who's driving the boat?

He had wanted a boat for a long time.  So when his mother passed away in 1997 and he received some funds from the sale of her New Jersey home, he decided that he would buy a boat.



The Manatee - 1997-1999

It was late October and Rich Suhey and I had a great time shopping - looking - thinking and finally he found the boat he wanted.  I'll never forget the day we came to Julington Creek Marina and picked it up - making our way through Julington Creek to the St. Johns River, under the Buckman, waiting for a train that was crossing at the Acosta and then getting gas at River City before continuing under the Main Street and all the way around to where it would be docked in the Arlington River at Colonial Point where I owned a condo.  Rich knew a lot about cars and motors, but this was a tad different.  We laughed a lot that day.

And we enjoyed the boat.  It was named the Manatee and I kept telling him we should change the name but we never go around to it.  In March of 1998 we stood on the deck and vowed to love and cherish each other for the rest of our lives.  It was such a happy time for both of us.

One lovely Saturday we invited my parents to come with us for an afternoon cruise.  They were in the galley and Rich and I were manning the controls on the upper deck when he decided to go down and check on them.

My mother - so Rich remembered - exclaimed - "who's driving the boat?"

They were a little surprised with his answer - "Paula".

She even had to take a picture.

That was a long time ago.  After Rich died I kept the boat for a few months but soon knew it was time to let it go.  I shared the proceeds with our children and the friend who helped me sell it,  You know that saying - "the best day in a person's life is the day he/she buys a boat and the next best day is the day it is sold".  That is how I felt - but I have never forgotten that boat.

In fact, I often find myself drawn to walk across the Julington Creek Bridge and look at the boats that are moored there.

And the fact that I could drive a boat?  It really wasn't that hard.  Could I have docked it?  Probably not.  But I could steer in open waters.

Sometimes it seems like my life is like a boat.  And I've gotten pretty good at being the captain. Mainly because I know that although I'm using my eyes to see where I am going and my hands are on the wheel - I am depending on God to do the navigating.

In 2001 my parents moved back to Jacksonville from the retirement area they had enjoyed in St. Augustine.  I was alone; my children were grown.  It was easy for us to sort of take care of each other.  That care became more and more me caring for them as the years went by.

A few weeks ago, my brother Jonathan and his wife, Tammie, decided it was time for them to get some of the blessings of having our mother so they invited her to come to live with them and she has accepted.

For the first time in 12 years I'll be captaining the boat - without a crew - or any passengers.

It's exciting - and strange - and curious and maybe a little scary.  I've had a crew (three children) and passengers (my parents) for more 30 years (since I became a single mother in 1982).  It will be interesting to see where my boat ends up.

I'm glad I know Who's driving it.



Fishers of Men Dock

It was our small group's privilege to cook dinner for our friends, John and Diane.  My responsibility was to pick up the bread and dessert from one friend and go to Fisherman's Dock to purchase shrimp for the salad that another friend and I were going to make.

Sounded fun and easy.  I'd never been to the popular San Jose Blvd. store that sells fresh seafood.  Besides I would have my six year old grandson with me.  He would think that was a fun experience.  Right?

Well, if not fun, memorable.

His reaction to the smell of fish - "disgusting".  He even said that it was good I bought shrimp and not fish because he could not ride in the car if we had fish. 

Later he told his parents that he had been to "fishers of men" dock.

We smiled.  He seems to know all about Jesus' suggestion to his disciples that he would make them fishers of men.

I remember that song from my childhood.  I can still see us standing in the Beginners and Primary Departments at Glendale Community Church pretending that we were fishing as we sang it.

I'm really grateful that my parents took me to Sunday School and Church and more than that, they shared the love of God and their faith with me and my siblings.

Many times in my life I have called upon that faith, including the songs and scripture verses I learned as a child to sustain me in a time of confusion, doubt or turmoil.

My life changed drastically in 1982.  I had felt "called" to be a pastor's wife.  That went away when my marriage ended.  No longer being a wife was bad enough.  Not being a pastor's wife was devastating. I read some verses in II Corinthians that said in essence some of the things that were happening to me, were happening so I could know the pain and be able to walk along side someone else who was experiencing hurt or confusion.

Almost without fail, when I have an opportunity to minister to someone in a similar situation I tell about some experience where I've been praying and felt my prayers were bouncing off the ceiling - but the faith that was instilled in me as a child...kept me praying.

It is a blessing to me that my grandchildren are being schooled just as I was, and as there dad and I did with them.  Like our parents did for us, our children take them to Sunday School and teach them about God's love.  I loved it that my grandson thought the name of the store was "fishers of men".

I also love it that I can still rely - on that faith that was instilled in me as a child - to sustain and encourage me.

What - me worry?

My father loved the 23rd Psalm.  In 2008 I asked about a Christmas gift and my mother made a suggestion.  She thought daddy would like something that would remind him of his love for that Psalm and I was delighted to find this on a shelf at a local Christian bookstore.  It sat by his bedside until he took his last breath on September 16, 2009.  He had lived 7 years since he was diagnosed  with myelodysplastic syndrome which was a form of Leukemia.  The day he died, his pastor, the Reverend Kevin Pound had prayed for him personalizing the 23rd Psalm. 

"We know that you are Earl's shepherd, that you have prepared a table for Earl and that Earl will be in the house of the Lord forever."

I'll never forget that afternoon.

Just over four years later, my dear friend, John Gates, a man that I lovingly call my "other" brother, was diagnosed with acute myloid leukemia. This is not John's first experience with that ugly word - cancer.  Because of the care and concern (not to mention the expertise) of his doctor, Alan Marks, M.D., and much prayer, determination and faith, John has fought and overcome its deadly attack twice in the past 15 years. 

While he was undergoing his first round of chemotherapy, a restless John prayed. He says that his prayer was answered when he heard these words clearly as a spoken sentence:

“John, consider the 23^rd Psalm”.    

So he began to recite that Psalm, one that many of us learned as small children and not only did it began to take on a new meaning for him, he took the time to write what he was experiencing. Here are a few of his thoughts.  

"The Psalm begins “The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want”.   A shepherd had the well being of his flock as his main focus.  My well being is important to the Lord.

"...a good shepherd takes his flock to good grazing green pastures and good water.  Sheep know their shepherd’s voice and will follow him, “He maketh me to lie down in green pastures and leads me beside still water”.    This let the sheep graze to their content and grow fat with heavy coats of wool after the season of dry conditions with little grass for grazing where all livestock had it hard.   Thus “He restoreth my soul” has a clear meaning.  Sheep like people can be grumpy and will sometimes bite and fight with one another.  The shepherd would watch and not let this become serious; or, he would go and break up the argumentative sheep and drag them to different places so they would do what was right, “He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name sake”.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me”. 

"This was one of the main things the Lord wanted me to see and understand.  He was in charge and He was keeping me safe. 

His rod and staff were his main tools.  The staff, a  long stick with the curved end, fits around a sheep’s head or body and it is used to guide the sheep or perhaps pull one up from a ditch.    The rod was a long and strong pole and a shepherd knew how to use it even to the point of killing a wolf or other predator trying to take his sheep.    The sheep never had to worry about their safety, and indeed they did not know how to worry. 

"The Shepherd did all the worrying for them just as the Lord tells us to let him do for us. 

"Shepherds were also known for their simple kindness toward their flock. .  “Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies, thou anointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over”.   I do not believe it is possible to express a more clear picture of God’s love for us in so few and beautiful words as these. 

"I probably pondered this most of the night and was in and out of sleep, but I got my rest and my heart was joyful even in the middle of chemotherapy.   The message was so clear.  The Lord was saying “John, I love you, I have you in my arms, don’t worry I want the best for you.   Now you rest in this knowledge and let me take your worry”.

"During my four week stay in the hospital there were many nights that sleep would not come and I was pretty sick.  But each time I remembered the Psalm  I could see myself as that little lamb being cared for with special sweet grass and cool water,  and I could feel the Lord’s arms around me keeping me safe and sleep would come.

"I am so grateful for the Lord’s Grace and mercy during this hard time.  I do not deserve a bit of it but the Lord saw fit to give me his Grace.    The Psalm ends with “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever”. 

"The Lord works in his ways that we cannot understand.  However, He clearly wants us to understand that He does love us and wants the best for us, wants us to lay our worries on Him.  I am certainly redoubling my efforts to follow His will and not worry what lies ahead about but let the Lord do that."

I've edited what John wrote to some extent, but I believe I have left his message intact.  John Gates truly believes that the Lord is his shepherd - just like my daddy did - which is why I've shared daddy's shepherd  with him for as long as he needs it.