It's just not fair

How many times have I heard it?  It's not fair.


I don't remember hearing this but I have been told that when I went off with one of my friends and didn't take my little sister, Cindy, she would say - It's not fair.


When Becca was chosen to go to the football game with granddaddy when she was a little girl, I heard it from her siblings - it's just not fair,


And when I got that call from a physician in Sanford, Florida telling me that my husband of eight months, the man who loved me with abandon, had not survived a heart attack, there's no doubt in my mind but that I thought..."not fair".


This was not my first experience with the fact that life is not always fair.  Nor was it my last. Because in reality - life is not fair.


When Rich died, people asked me if I were angry and I said no, I was just disappointed.


Then one day I realized that disappointment is a form of anger and to be perfectly honest sometimes I am still a little bit angry - all these years down the pike.


And then I remember what one of my daughters said - "you have a great opportunity, mom.  Look at all the things you get to do with your life".


It took me a while to realize that to be true, but now I do.


I "get" to enjoy my grown children, those three bundles of joy and the spice that they have brought into our family (my nickname for my children and their spouses); not to mention the seven adorable people who call me grandma.


I get to spend time with a plethora of friends - from those who have been a part of my life for my whole life to those I met as late as yesterday (no matter when you are reading this, I probably just met someone who I'm having coffee with soon).


I didn't "get" to continue in the process of ordination, but I do "get" to serve at the rail, take communion to those who can't get to church and help with events that are aimed at encouraging and enriching the lives of  others.


And I get to write...a blog like this one.


With this entry, I am welcoming some other readers.


Several weeks ago I met Trudy Pascucci who is the publisher of Shades of Pink magazine.  My friend, Virginia Pillsbury and I have met with Trudy several times and we are delighted that we are going to be a part of the magazine which reaches many in the Northeast Florida area and has the potential to reach beyond our borders.  This and other blogs (including one Virginia will write about the joy of being the daughter of a woman who has dementia - I said that right - she considers it a joy) will be showing up on the Shades of Pink magazine website and we welcome others who want to post so watch for more information on that.


You might say I've found another way to act out that oft used axiom - "when life hands you lemons - you make lemonade".

Listen...

     One of my favorite Sunday night activities is the 7 p.m. service at the Episcopal Church of Our Saviour.  Held in the chapel, a small group of regulars come each week to worship. As a Chalice Bearer/Reader, it is my privilege to read the scripture, assist the clergy and lead in the prayers of the people.
     That's my favorite part.  Rather than responding verbally to what is read the, people sing...
     "Listen God is calling, to the world inviting - Offering forgiveness, comfort and joy"
     Probably one of the most difficult things for me to do is listen.
     I would much rather talk.
     However, as we heard in the sermon this past Sunday - Lent is a season to listen.
     Actually what the priest said is that it is a season of discernment and I remember being in discernment regarding a "Call to ministry" when I read a book called "Listening Hearts"
     Must have something to do with listening - don't you think?
     And what do you think I am trying to say, anyway?
     Well I am asking myself a question.  Because I have realized that I am once more at a crossroad in my life and once more I am changing roles.
     I've done this before - change roles I mean.
     All of us have.. .
     Most of the times I have done this willingly.  Once I did it "going down kicking and screaming".  That was when I was no longer a pastor's wife.  I really liked that role.  In fact, in many ways I felt that God had specifically called me to be a pastor's wife.  I have later said that had I not been a child of the 50's, I might have become a pastor - but we all know that girls didn't grew up to be pastors way back then.
     However, with God's help, I survived that role change and now more than 30 years later, I can recall with gratitude the opportunities I have been given to serve in some sort of ministerial capacity.
     And as I have said many times, I wouldn't change one thing about my life - even that very difficult  "single mom with children" period.  I know I'm bragging - but have you met my children?
     In 2001, I took on a new role when I became my parents' caregiver.  It was not a full time job then, but over the years, it took more of my time, talent and energy.
     Fortunately when I became a part-time employee (not really by choice) in 2008, that freed me up to have more time for the role of caregiver which by then was defining me exponentially.
     After my dad died in 2009, the care of my mother - as independent as she was - in her mind anyway, was paramount.
     I am still a bit surprised that I gave up that role as willingly as I did when our Texas family invited mother to come and live with them at the end of 2013.
     And now who am I?  What am I doing?
     Some of my friends who are retired really like the more relaxed easy life that they live.
     That's not going to work for me.
     But what?
     I have a couple of ideas...they involve ministry...but I'm not quite ready to post what I am thinking.
     Besides...I'm still listening,,,

My bad

Today is Ash Wednesday.

In a word it is a day for accepting responsibility for our own actions.

Or as the Reverend Dean Taylor said in his Ash Wednesday message it's the beginning of us saying "my bad".

We have four choral scholars who join our choir for practice and worship each week.  They are a real blessing and boost to us - not to mention they add a touch of humor.

When one of them misses a note (a rare occasion to be sure)  we see a hand go up - an acknowledgement - "my bad".  Most of us don't have a clue when we sing the wrong note, don't count correctly or "sing too loud". 


However, it's something that we all should do.  When we make a mistake we should first of all claim it, say we are sorry or as Scripture puts is "repent", then move on - "forgetting that which is behind".

As Father Dean pointed out this morning, the word for this is "confess". And when we repeat that prayer before we take the bread and wine that are offered, we "confess" our sins - some things we have done and some things we have not done and we ask God to have mercy on us and forgive us.

Father Dean reminded us that this is the time that we recognize our mortality, repent of our sins, and return to our loving God. We recognize life as a precious gift from God, and return our lives towards Jesus Christ. The point of the matter is that it is the time for us to commit to change our lives so that we might be more like Christ.


When that's the case we'll have fewer times that we have to say - "My bad".

And fortunately no matter how many times we have to say that - the answer will always be - "You are forgiven".