Yes, daddy - the flag is up!

 

My parents hadn't lived with me very long before there was a flag post in my yard - proudly holding a flag that had flown in Iraq, where my nephew Brad Williams was serving our country as a member of the Army National Guard.  Daddy had instilled a strong sense of patriotism and service in the lives of Brad, his twin brother, Chad, and my son, Tray.  He was so proud of all three!

Daddy had served in the Philippines in World War II.  My sister, Cindy, and I knew very little about his service there.  We knew he was the first "boy" from South Jacksonville to enlist - just a few days after December 7, 1941, and two weeks before he gave mother an engagement ring. He was off to Shreveport, Louisiana, before she graduated from Landon High School and wrote her when he got promoted to sergeant in mid-June.  He told her to plan a wedding.  She was all for that!  They were married just 7 weeks, still honeymooning in Shreveport, when he got on a train headed west and her train was on the way to Jacksonville.  The next time they saw each other was in December 1945.  

We did know about mother's brother, Ellie Rudolph Nesmith who was killed over Germany in 1944.  He had been one of daddy's closest friends, and his picture was on the piano at my grandparents' home for much of my growing-up years.  There was also a room called "The Prayer Room" at  Glendale Community Church that was a memorial to the only son of my grandparents.  And I've often wondered if that loss contributed to the wonderful care they gave to others.

As the years passed and two little brothers came into our family, daddy seemed to talk more about his life as a soldier. He was of the old school, and you didn't talk to your little girls about that.

We were grown with families of our own when he started hearing about some squadron reunions. That became very important to our parents, and they so enjoyed the times they shared with his old friends. Once, it was in Jacksonville, and our whole family participated in welcoming this group.  We loved it!!!

By 2005, when my mother and dad moved in with me, daddy's patriotism had become one of the most important parts of his life. At first, he made sure the flag was up at daybreak and took it down at sunset. And then there came a time when the "chore" became mine.

One thing I heard almost every morning in the summer of 2009 was, "Is the flag up?".

After daddy died, I began to take flowers to Greenlawn Cemetery at least four times a year.  Our family plot has grown.  This year, we added Uncle Bill Weitzel, and when the marker arrives, we will add Uncle Howard Beardslee. Daddy's brother, Ted Huffingham, Jr. is buried close by. They all served - as did Uncle Henry Capp.  And Rich Suhey served - he's buried in our family plot (my name is already on the marker).

I have a flag that stays up all the time now  (not to worry, I have an outdoor light that is always on).

That way, each morning when I start my day, I know that daddy would be pleased.  

Yes, daddy, the flag is up.  And tell mother I've added a birdhouse - you all would have loved watching for birds to come for a treat!

May you have enough sunshine in your life,  to make you appreciate the shadows

Flowers for Mother's Day

My daughters were in high school. As happens to mothers and daughters during that time in life, they were both irritated with me about something. However, when the teens at our church distributed roses to their mothers, they both made a beeline for me. All these years later, when I think they might be irritated, I like to remember that year.

By now, I don't think irritated would be a word in their vocabulary.  They have pretty much settled into adulthood, and their children are all older than they were on that Mother's Day.  I'm no longer a reason for them to be irritated. Well maybe just a little.

Becca usually gives me smell-good pampering items.

Renee sends me a plant or a floral arrangement.

I was surprised this year when I opened a box from Renee. 

I read the directions before I sent her a text that said, "This is going to be a fun exercise".

She didn't understand until I sent her this photo with these explanations:  They are tulip bulbs. The wood chips are there to protect the product when it is being shipped.

When I told my Master Gardener friend about the gifts, she had a word of warning.  "Tulips explode".  I responded, "You mean there will be a lot of them?:

"No," she said, "They will 'poof' explode".

So I put the container filled with tulip bulbs in my front yard, and this is how they looked one week after planting. It has been fun to watch, water, and turn the plants a few degrees each day to align with the sun.

And of course, there's a lesson.

There have been a time or two when I felt everything was ugly and I was even a bit useless. When I didn't think there was going to be any fun doing anything, and I was probably just waiting for "poof—EXPLODE."

But just like Becca and Renee got through being irritated with their mother - and wanted to be sure I had a rose that Mother's Day, while life may sometimes feel like the ugly tulip bulbs that arrived this year, in time, everything becomes beautiful.

58 years ago this Spring, I decided I should not marry Ray Parker, even though he was going to be a preacher. In my heart, I knew that was what God was calling me to be.

I went to church one Sunday morning, and there was a picture of a little girl an umbrella in her hand and some flowers in the other. The scripture said something like, "If you do what God wants you to do, he will give you rain in due season."

I determined my best move was to marry, and we did that summer. There were some ugly times, but the children that came from that marriage have been as lovely to me as the pretty tulips that Renee sent me for Mother's Day.

They are a constant reminder of God's blessings for me -- no matter what might be happening.

PS Tray also gives nice presents: These flowers don't need watering or sunlight and will not fade.

 May you have enough sunshine in your life. . . .  

. . .  to make you appreciate the shadows

"Lord, Say Hello to Mama"

It's one way I am like my mother.

When she and her sisters wrote about their lives in 1980, those words were the title she chose for her chapter.  Her reasoning for the title?

Ted Huffingham (our daddy's dad) died in February 1967.  My youngest brother, Lester, was five years old, and soon after Papa had died, Lester looked up to the heavens and said, "Hello, Papa".

Pauline Mercer Nesmith, who was my mother's mother, passed away in May 1971.  

Mother recounted many times that she wished she could tell her mother something. However, she developed a habit of saying it out loud, sometimes saying something like, "Lord, tell mama."

Now that my mother is also gone, I often think of something I'd like to tell her.  I remember the many cups of tea we shared, talking about our lives. I really enjoyed my mother's company.

And often when I have my afternoon cup of tea, I wish she were here for me to talk to.  She always had a different way to look at what I was dealing with.  

I recently saw an advertisement for a book entitled,  Things I Wish I Had Told My Mother.  My first reaction was rather smug.

There's nothing I didn't tell my mother.  Except. . .

Our brother Jonathan, died in 2020.  He had visited her about six weeks before his death, and although we all knew his time was short, my siblings and I agreed that we would not tell her.

It surprised us, but we believe she mentioned him only once. 

On Mother's Day in 2021, she said, "Wonder how Jonathan is?" Lester spoke up.  "I'm sure he's having a nice day".

A little more than a year later, when the funeral home representative was about to take her body away, I said, 

 "And I never had to tell you".

I remain glad that we kept that from her.

Now, if you are reading this and you know me even a little bit, you know that I tell everyone - everything.

If you knew my mother, you also know, "I got that from her."

Fortunately, I also have her smile and her eyes.

And I still talk to her - just as she talked to her mama.

 May you have enough sunshine in your life. . . .  to make you appreciate the shadows

Sentimental? ? ?

It comes as no surprise to most people when I admit that I am very sentimental. I married Ray Parker on my parents' 25th wedding anniversary, and I married Rich Suhey the weekend my mother was celebrating her 75th birthday. I also keep things for a long time. Last year, I wore the shoes I had worn to my daughter's wedding in 1995, and when they got wet, they fell apart. But that's another story.

This has been hanging in my closet for five-plus decades.  

What does one do with a wedding dress?

That was my dilemma for many years.  

When I was about to marry in 1967, my mother, my sister, Cindy, and I went shopping. Our first stop was a bridal shop in San Marco. I found what I thought was the perfect dress. It was less than $100 (Remember, this was 58 years ago). I was ready to purchase.  

However, we heard that buying the first dress was not a good idea, so we went across the river into Jacksonville. We went to Cohen's and to Furchgott's. I tried on a few, but I was still convinced that the first one was "the one." 

So, back to San Marco we went.

The salesperson was finalizing the sale of "my" dress for another bride.

I was heartsick.

However, my resourceful mother and I drew what we remembered the dress looked like and went to see her sister, Carolyn, who "loved to sew and was quite good at it. ".Together, they found patterns she could use and started making my dress. At some point, my best friend Bonnie joined the project. She is also an excellent seamstress.

We paid about $30 for the material and gave Aunt Carolyn this epergne as a thank you.  For many years, it held flower arrangements for family weddings and celebrations.  Aunt Carolyn gave it back to me several years ago.                                                                                                                      Sadly, the marriage ended after 15 years, and the dress has been hanging in my closet. I may have felt it was tainted. I knew my daughters wanted their own dresses,

I just didn't know what to do with it.  So I kept it.

And then I had a thought: Could the lace be removed and some sort of memento made for my grandchildren? Although they were born long after I was divorced from their grandpa, they have always known that I believe the children born to Ray Parker and me are an incredible blessing. They have had a good life since we were divorced, and each of them—and subsequently my seven grandchildren—has some of his good genes.

And so I found a seamstress.

If you count these, you might say - but Paula has seven grandchildren.

Third grandchild, Grace, will be the first of my grandchildren to marry when she is the bride in early summer.  She has her handkerchief.

I'm excited about her wedding. I am planning to wear the dress I wore to her parents' wedding more than 25 years ago.

Did I mention I am sentimental???

 May you have enough sunshine in your life. . . .  to make you appreciate the shadows