Missing Iva Lou

"Don't even think about it, Mom".

I was lamenting the fact that I will never make my yard look the way my mother did. This photo is from the summer of 2013.

"I don't mean to make you feel bad", my son continued.

"Grandma could grow tomatoes in the sand on a rock", he said. "She just had the touch".

My feelings were not hurt.  He was right.

However, working in my yard has been therapeutic and you might say I am able to connect with my mother.  In fact, that's what my brother said to me recently.

I was always good friends with my mother.  She was my friend growing up and as she aged (and especially after daddy died), I became her friend.

And during the last 18 months or so of her life, I wasn't always happy to be her friend.

Ouch - that's hard to read, isn't it???

Our mother had what we have considered to be age-related dementia. She lost her ability to curb her tongue.  She became easily agitated and much more demanding.  (Truth be told, she could always be a tad demanding - she knew what she wanted and when she wanted it and that meant yesterday).

Because I was her principal caregiver, I was the one that sometimes felt a little "beat up".  A year ago I was recuperating from Covid which was compounded by the exhaustion of caring and watching as my mother's life on earth came to an end. 

And so it was that it took me a little while to get to the "I really miss my mother stage".

However, in recent days I have been often reminded of her and it has made me smile.

When one of the exercises in the Silver Sneakers Class at the Y became a bit strenuous I suddenly had a picture of my mother smiling with her tongue just over her top lip.

That's what she used to do when the blood pressure cup tightened on her upper arm.

Later that day, I was watching It's Complicated starring Meryl Streep and  Alec Baldwin and I remembered when she and I saw that movie and she surprised me by saying she loved his eyes. Friends say that to friends - not a mother to a daughter.

And now here it is Saturday morning and I am patiently waiting until 9 so I can start the mower.

My yard will never look like it did when my mother was the gardener.  But like my mother - I'm going to give it all I've got to make it look as nice as I can. 

When I am working in the yard - mowing, trimming, blowing the leaves - this is who I remember. It was taken in 2014.  I think it was her favorite photo of herself.  

And I am happy that sometimes I find myself really missing Iva Lou.

                                                      May you have enough sunshine in your life

To make you appreciate the shadows