"He needs a constant."
Those were my words when my son, Tray, was a pre-teen. I think you could also say those words were my prayer. A bit of a selfish prayer I think. Because what I was really praying for was to have a man in my life.
It was about that time that I became friends with a lovely young woman named Kathy McCalpin. We were both in a singles organization. Kathy loved to laugh and shared her daughter, Amanda, with my children and me. We enjoyed doing things together.
And Kathy was crazy about Tray - she laughed at everything he said and always told our other friends how cute and adorable my youngest child was.
And suddenly it dawned on me. Kathy could be the fluff in Tray's life, and I was the constant. I was the one who made sure he did his homework, brushed his teeth, was nice to his sisters. When I felt like I had to be strict, Kathy didn't have to.
Both of us were necessary.
I recently told my daughter Renee about a time in my life that I have remembered with sadness.
Tray was playing in Little League ALL STAR baseball game. His sisters and I had been to all the games.. Their dad lives in another state and it was very rare for him to be at a game. (Please note - I'm not trying to throw anyone under the bus - it's just a fact).
However, this particular game was the exception.
Our team was losing by one run. Tray was up, got on base and was credited for an RBI when one of his teammates tied the score. And then he stole second and probably third (he was "bad" about that). Another base hit - and Tray crossed the plate.
Our team won the game.
And Tray came off the field with these words "Where's my dad?" I was appalled. I had been sitting in the stands watching him play ball all summer. And he wanted to see his dad?
Renee had no "bless your hearts" for me.
" Mom," she said, "Tray knew you would be there. You were always there."
Hum-I was the constant.
I love it when my children teach me something (most of the time).
I don't think I ever to ask the Lord to make me the constant in my children's lives as we embarked upon our time as a single parent family. However, as I look back, I am grateful that I could fill that role.
And I've been reminded of the fact that I have a constant in my life as well. I remember a song from youth group - "Yesterday, Today, Forever, Jesus is the same; All may change, but Jesus never Jesus is the same" (Hebrews 13:8).
I'll never try to convince anyone that I was a perfect parent (or that I will ever achieve that status). What I am convinced of is that I know first of all - that God my Heavenly Father is the perfect parent and that He is my constant.
Which makes me think that I can hear my grandma Nesmith Singing - Constantly Abiding.
I love memories!
